Shadow Of My Mind
by Theresa471
Summary: It's the continued story from Revenge Of The Nature Disorder, and Richard Castle's road to recovery.
1. Chapter 1

**These series of stories will deal with the aftermath of Richard Castle having to been critically injured by Adam Lane. Please be advise in what happens with the first story for when Castle is released from the hospital three weeks later, and is placed in a rehab center an hour away from his wife Kate and friends.**

 **Chapter one SHADOWS OF MY MIND**

 **Castle having been in the Jamieson Rehab nursing home, placed by his wife and family, since he was not ready to come home, and live a normal life at this time.**

 **Richard Castle, was no longer the person that you knew for the past 47 years of his life. His life as it was , now lived in the Shadows of his own mind, deep beneath the pain and torture that Adam Lane had put him through.**

 **He could not tell the difference on what was real, fantasy or otherwise, due to the very fact that he has placed himself to hide from all of the agony, he can not face after what Lane had done to him.**

 **When his wife Kate Beckett, who had saved his life just a few seconds before Lane was going to end his life, she was able to the pull the trigger from her weapon to shoot Lane in the nick of time, but the aftermath of what he did to her husband was a total forsaken nightmare, after finding his body for which Lane had broken beyond repair.**

 **/**

 **Dr. Jerome Middleton having to been working for the rehab nursing home, was called into the case for Richard Castle, to try to bring him out of his lost of will, to live into a real life, instead of his own mental reality.**

 **Dr. Middleton in his late fifties, has dealt with these kinds of cases for the last twenty years, and just about 75% of his patients have recovered to live a normal productive life.**

 **Dr. Middleton having just arrived at the gate of the rehab center, he showed his I.D. at the gate with the security guard. He is waved on by the guard, to drive on up to the center's parking lot.**

 **He walks into the main reception area, Sandra the main receptionist working for the center ten years. She informs the doctor that Mrs. Richard Castle is here to visit her husband, along with wanting to speak with you in regard to his treatment.**

 **"Thank you, Sandra, where is Mrs. Castle at the moment?"**

 **"She's in the main waiting area to speak with you before going to visit her husband in his room."**

 **"Very well, Sandra, I will talk with her before anything else, I have a full case load, for when it comes to seeing the patients, including Richard Castle. He says before moving off to the first level waiting room.**

 **/**

 **Kate Beckett Castle was a total mess, her life has become so complicated now that Adam Lane has screwed it up, and now that she had found out that she is pregnant as well, only makes it just as worst, she is not able to share the happy new with her husband.**

 **She had found out the news only a week after, Castle had been found by her, having to kill Adam Lane.**

 **Beckett was running back and forth to the Manhattan Medical Center, where he was taken only a few miles from the Ebony rehab center by ambulance, taken right away into emergency surgery.**

 **It was during this period, that she was starting to feel sick to her stomach and other signs, she had asked Lanie to go with her to see her medical specialist Dr. Anderson in his office to confirm her suspicious that she just might be pregnant after all.**

 **She and her husband have been trying for awhile, since she decided to come back to her husband, and restored there marriage. They had decided to try to go for a baby once, she was able to stop all birth control devices including the pills.**

 **When she had told him weeks later after getting back together, she wanted to try to have a baby, despite all of the issues going on with Loksat, Vikram, Castle lost memories having to be coming back once again.**

 **She was thrilled that her husband was all for it, it wasn't until weeks later, when they had found out that Adam Lane was released from jail with help from his lawyer, along with having to be sent to the Ebony rehab center.**

 **/**

 **Kate Beckett with coming here, after the doctors had told her with what was going on with her husband's mental state after being tortured, even if it would take time physically to heal, with the damage was done!**

 **When she hears her name, she looks up at seeing Castle's therapist Dr. Middleton.**

 **"Dr. Middleton, I am sorry, I didn't realize, you were calling me in the first place."**

 **"That's all right, that happens to the best of us! He says with a chuckle, but he could see that she was not laughing.**

 **"Is he getting better? Confused some what**

 **"I can only say that Richard Castle is making some progress having to be here among the patients, he's been coping some what better at times when his medication is working in his system, otherwise I have a feeling once we find that connection, I will be able to bring Richard Castle out of his black void."**

 **"Dr. Middleton, when you say connection, does that a vocal point to have his mind set on that particular scenario?**

 **"Yes!, if you can help me, maybe we will be able to at least have him think otherwise that main focus in his mind, it just might have him start to recover from nightmare."**

 **"I have something that I share with my husband, I know for the fact that both us love each other a great deal, and for fact that I am now carrying his child." She was in tears and shaking, as she continues with her words.**

 **"I know that Rick, will understand by what I am saying to him, he's been wanting to find out on whether I would be able to become pregnant with my past health issues."**

 **"Well then , we will start at this point now, when we go into his room to speak with him.**

 **/**

 **Inside Richard Castle's room, he was sitting in a chair looking out the window and just staring with blank nurses of the rehab center, has felt sorry for the author, in regard to what had happen to him in the first place.**

 **The doctor and Kate Beckett Castle stopped at the main desk on level two, to let them know that he will be checking with his patient, along with issuing orders for a syringe just in case to calm the patient down.**

 **He goes to take the syringe from the nurse, placing it into his pocket of his white jacket.**

 **When they walked in. Castle was facing the window, his health physically was much better, even though the scars were there to see from his surgery underneath his hospital gown.**

 **Dr. Middleton grabs a chair for Beckett to face her husband looking out the window.**

 **"Now remember, go slow with starting to talk to him about what is on your mind."**

 **She goes to take his right hand into hers, with her voice ready to croak already even before beginning, she takes a quick breath before beginning.**

 **"Rick, it's Kate, your wife, I have something to tell you that's very important for the both of us."**

 **He looks at her with a look that was scaring her at the moment."Kate!**

 **"Yes, It's Kate, can you hear me?" Dr. Middleton could see that his patient was trying to focus on her words. "Rick, I need to let you know, your going to be a father again after all this time, I am going to have your child, after trying for awhile, when I decided to continue on with our marriage, do you remember?**

 **Castle started to cry very hard when he said the word "Baby", to make Beckett fall to pieces at the moment.**

 **This is when Kate goes to hug her husband into her arms, while taking one of her hands taking his as well, to placed onto her stomach, when he can at least feel the connection between the both of them.**

 **Dr. Middleton, could not believe that his therapy was starting to work, it showed a mark improvement in his patient's eyes and over all respond. He tells Beckett to let go, telling her that it worked, and for which he was on his way to the road to recovery, even though he still had a ways to go with therapy.**

 **"Rick, I need to go, I will be back soon to talk with you, hold you, and let you feel the baby from within my body, I love you, with all of my heart, please get better for me, the baby, Alexis, Martha and most of all your friends that miss you dearly, including James Patterson your rival." She laughs for the time in weeks.**

 **She places a gentle kiss onto her husband's lips, for which he returns for the first time in awhile.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two Shadow Of My Mind

Kate Beckett was still reeling after telling her husband about the news with the baby, she could not believe that, she was able to get through to him a little, however Dr. Middleton having warned her that it was just a beginning.

When she continued to talk with the doctor in his office.

"Dr. Middleton, is there anything else that I can do to help Rick back from his black void? She whispered in a soft tone of voice.

"In most cases Kate, I would use the "Touching" therapy to have the patients touch family members to get the familiar feel once after facing a physical trauma, like with a rape, or in your husband's case it was close to that, along with being tortured."

"With this therapy doctor, would it be intimate by nature in a special area for where the patient and family member would not be seen by the doctor, nurse or on video?"

"Yes in all cases, but first Kate, we need to make sure that Richard is ready for it, after just being told, he's going to be a father, and in all cases that I have dealt with afterwards, there is always a side effect with his mental condition?"

"Meaning a shock to place the patient into a further state of mental disorder?" She pointed out, even though humiliating for her and Castle.

There was a knock on his door, when he said for the person to come in.

It was Richard Castle's nurse Anna Belle telling Dr. Middleton that his patient just had to be sedated.

"Why? He asked.

"He kept screaming something about having Adam Lane to get him away from him, sir, otherwise he's much calmer now after the shot."

"Thank you, I will be there in a few minutes to check him out, Mrs. Castle would you like to join me? While the both of them get up from there seats.

"What can I do to help him now? She asked demurely.

"This is where we can start out slowly for when it comes to the "touching" therapy with holding hands before we move onto the next level.

/

Anna Belle was watching closely her patient, having been given sedation, he was so much more calmer having to be watching the sky looking out the window through the blinds that were now up.

Dr. Middleton knocked on the door to walk in with Kate Beckett.

"This time Kate, you will not say anything, with having to be sitting face to face while holding both of his hands, do you understand Kate?"

"Yes! She takes the chair that is next to the wall near to his bed, and placing it in front of him. Castle does not say a word at the moment, mostly with a blank takes his both hands, for which he does fight her on this fact.

She is quietly crying inside wishing for a miracle to placed both of her husband's hands into hers getting to feel the proper connection between the both of them. She can feel just how strong, he felt with his hands having to write such beautiful words at times for when it comes to Nikki Heat and Jamieson Rook, lovers for eternity!

"Now Kate touch his arms placing both your hands, and tell Rick that you want to make him feel secure from what ever pain that he might be suffering, very slowly."

"Is he fighting you, Kate, or is he calm? Watching for any negative reaction from his wife.

"Calm Dr. Middleton." She was shaking inside, her stomach currently was doing flips from the nausea.

"Next Kate touch his chest, while placing both of his hands onto your stomach to once again to feel for the baby's connection between you and your husband."

"How do you feel?"

"I have a little nausea, otherwise I can handle it for now."

She can sense that her husband wanted to feel for the baby, while his hands were moving around in the area of her did not stop him.

"Now Kate, tell him again that you love him this time, but don't touch him this time?, this will be it for today, since we have done a great deal for the patient to handle.

She took a quick breath, while getting herself together.

"Rick, look at me, it's Kate, I want to say to my husband that I love you a great deal with all of my heart, I need for you to come back to me and the baby, we both need you very badly, Please!, I love you," Rick. She wanted to cry at that very moment, but she needed to be strong in the first place.

It was at this moment that Castle turned to say to her that he loves her, and he wants to see our baby being she heard that she cried her eyes out, along with Dr. Middleton being surprised that his patient was making headway finally.

"Mrs. Castle, we need to leave now, please just kiss your husband on the cheek very gently before leaving, and meet me in my office again." He gets up to leave with his notes.

Anna Bells waits outside now.

Beckett moves over very slowly to bend over to kiss her husband's cheek before leaving.

When she leaves while shaking inside, she goes to walk over to Dr. Middleton's office.

She knocks on his door, while telling her to come in.

No need for you sit this time, I would like to have you come back in a few days, to let my patient processed from what happened today. When you do come back, we will start the next level."

"Intimacy?", she was upset, even though it had to be done in the first place.

"Yes!, I will call you on whether or not, there will be any problems for when it comes to my patient, just be ready with the next level, this will tell the story on whether or not, he's able to perform for when it comes to the intimate part of the relationship between the both of you."

"And if he can't?"

"Then your husband will need a great of help with therapy, and it's going to take time if and when this does happen at all, but for now we will just wait it out until your able to come back in a few days.

"Thank you, Dr. Middleton, I will everyone know on what's been going on with my husband's progress."

"Good!, I will see you soon, but in the meantime, I have other patients to see, have a good day."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three Shadows Of My Mind

Kate Beckett Castle was leaving the grounds after visiting her husband in the rehab center, she needed to get home to the loft, so that she can feel safe for the most part. She had thought that she was a strong person in many ways from having to deal with criminals, but when it comes to her husband Richard Castle, she has fallen apart right before her own eyes.

It's been such a heart break for her, when she had seen Adam Lane about ready to end her husband's life, she had to shoot to save him from death. However is this actually living for him, having to reverted into his own mind, to hide from the shadows of death that plague's him most of all.

She is hoping with the "Touching" therapy, it's going to help him in the long run with his recovery, and to live a normal life again.

Once outside the grounds, she starts driving, she needed to call Alexis and Martha to have them meet her at the loft, the both of them were not picking up at the moment, having gone to voicemail.

/

Richard Castle having been sedated once again, just after his wife had left, Dr. Middleton felt that he needed to be calm some what, when he had gone back into his room, to check up him once again, he found that Richard Castle was trembling, having suffered an episode, otherwise the doctor realize that there was a break brought, but it would take time.

Since it was getting late now, Dr. Middleton having finished up with the last of his patients, he needed to go home after a very stressful day, when he arrived home at his condo apartment, his wife Roberta married 25 years, greeted her husband, she could tell that his day at the rehab did not go well.

"Jerome, are you all right?, you don't look all that good, even by my standards? She walked over to place a kiss onto his cheek, she loved her husband a great deal, but it was getting to a point, that he was taking it too personnel of late." He goes to place his jacket into the hall closet before sitting down on the couch near the kitchen entrance.

She sits down next to him taking his hands into hers.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" While watching him for his reply.

"One of my patients, I mention it before to you, Richard Castle the mystery writer is starting to make some gains in his recovery, but it's pitiful to watch at times Roberta, for when it comes to him and his wife Captain Kate Beckett of the 12th precinct."

"Why Jerome, are you taking it too personnel, it's going to be the death of you in the long run, and I just don't need to see this with my husband?" While moving closer to kiss onto his lips, she could feel that he was shaking from the entire affair. "Come on, let's get you into the shower to relax, and believe me, you need it a great deal." She pulls up her husband from couch to drag him into the shower, taking the stairs to the second level of the apartment.

/

Loft

Know one was around, Alexis had called telling Beckett that she was working at the morgue, and won't be home until sometime after midnight, Martha said she was working with her new play, she would try to make it after wards, if not, she would be there in the early morning.

Beckett felt truly alone right now, but at least she was inside the Loft to feel safer towards her husband having to leave his aroma in every room, and the worst was his office and there bedroom.

She walked over to the kitchen to have something to eat, she was starved after such a long day, since she's been on leave, she has another week to go before going back to the precinct, she took the time off to be with her husband.

She wouldn't be able to work all of the time, with not having to be with her husband in the first place. Everyone at the precinct and the police commissioner understood her reasons for taking the leave.

After eating and feeling better, she needed to take a long shower to relax her muscles. She goes into the bedroom to close the door. She takes off all of her clothes having to be standing in front of the huge mirror, it was at this point, she was looking at her reflection in the mirror, along with looking at her stomach at a side angle to see if she could see a little bit of a bugle, she places both of her hands to the area for where the baby resides at the moment.

She walks over to the bathroom, walking in on over to the shower area, she turns on the hot water to let it run until, she able to get it just right, after a moment or two, she has the water just perfect. She steps in to let the spray of the shower hit the back of her neck and the rest of her body. However it was not helping, while having to start to cry releasing her emotions from within, when she started to think about today's events..

/

Richard Castle having to be laying in his bed after been given his medication. He starting to remember his day with his wife Kate visiting him, he needed to see her very badly, but it would not be possible having to be late in the first place.

He tried to think of his past for when it came to being married, all of the complications from over the years, and to finally win the battle to gain her back, after leaving without having to give a reason as to why. And then to find out, she was doing it mostly to protect him from the thrones of Loksat.

He needed to find out, on whether or not, he was still a man both inside and out to please his wife, after what Adam Lane had done to him. He goes to touch with his maleness placing his hand for the first time, ever since he was critically injured.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four Shadows Of My Mind

Kate Beckett fell asleep with no problem, she could sleep for a week if she had to. She went to grab Rick's pillow to feel safe, along with the aroma of his scent still lingering, along with falling asleep.

Sometime later Alexis was being quiet coming in from working at the Morgue with Lanie, she was just glad it was not Perlmitter, she wasn't in the mood, ever since her father was injured by that madman Adam Lane.

She needed to see if Beckett was still asleep, the door was open, she can see that Beckett having to be sound asleep, but when she call Alexis, she jumped having to be scared.

In a soft whispered, she asked Alexis to join her in bed for a few minutes for support, and she does , but first she slips out of her shoes, before laying down next to Kate, she pulls the blankets over her, she decided to stay to keep her company for the rest of the night, at least she does not have any type of work, her class will be in two days later sometime in the afternoon.

/

The next morning Alexis was up before Kate, she had made sure not to disturb her in any way, she walked out to walk up the stairs to room to take a long shower.

Some time later Martha Rogers shows up to talk with Kate.

They were having a late breakfast, along with Alexis.

"So how are you kiddo? Taking a sip of her coffee.

"Martha, I am coping the best as I can, but this entire affair with Rick, has me really upset." Finishing up her scramble eggs." I told you on the phone on what Dr. Middleton wants to do next with his therapy?"

"Yes! you did Kate, will you be able to go through with it in the first place?

I have to Martha, or else there wont be anything left of me or Rick for when it comes to that issue, It's a large part of who we are in the first place, along with Rick."

"When Kate are you supposed to begin with this "Touching Therapy"?"

"In a few days Martha, and believe me it's going to be interesting in the first place."

Alexis called her from the stove, Kate, do you need anything else to eat for breakfast?

"Actually I do, I want more eggs and toast, I seem to be eating like a horse lately, this baby is very hungry." While touching her stomach to prove a point for both ladies.

/

Anna Belle, Castle's nurse came in early having signed in at the nurses station. Richard Castle was her first patient of the morning. She was reading his chart, having to be showing a very mark improvement in his behavior during the night, he did not needed to be sedated having to be calm the entire night.

She noticed as well that Dr. Middleton was here as well, and in his office. She didn't need to speak with him until later.

She walks over to Castle's room taking the chart from out of the door container, and walking in. She could not believe it, he was eating his food without any help, she did asked on how he was feeling. He did not speak, but he wrote it on a piece of paper telling him, that he feels better.

This was amazing, she wrote a note on the chart telling Dr. Middleton and others on how he was doing .

However she still needed to wash him as well, since this will be a chore in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five Shadows Of My Mind

When Dr. Middleton received the report from his nurse Anna Belle, he was very pleased mostly, due to the fact that his patient started to finally respond.

When he first learned of Richard Castle's condition. He could not believe that the mystery writer was attacked by the lunatic Adam Lane. He had heard about him through news reports in regard to social media, and the other murders that he was involved in.

After reading the last of the notes, he decided to see if Castle would talk to him in regard to what happened, he would be recording the conversation, along with having one of the aids to help him, just in case he has an attack to set him back further.

First he calls home to see if everything was fine with his wife Roberta was fine.

Roberta having just gotten out of the shower after going for a morning run, before heading on out to work at the Dental office as a lab technician the past five years. It was something that she liked most of all, when she had quit working at the Jamieson Rehab center, she felt that it was getting on her nerves too much, for when it comes to the patients, and getting to close and personal.

It was way she had she asked her husband on whether or not he was getting too involved with Richard Castle's case file.

She was drying her long black hair with the blue towel, when she heard the phone ring, she looks at the Caller I.D. to be her husband from the Rehab center.

"Hey!, how are you, Jerome?" While drying her hair.

"I am just fine, I could use a break, but I have to see my patient Richard Castle, and to see if he can talk to me, he had a small breakthrough last night to make me think that he's on the road to recovery."

"I am so glad Jerome, I was getting really worried about you."

"Don't be sweetie!, I will sure to keep you posted later when I get the chance."

"Call me on my cell, I will be at work, until at least eight tonight, if I don't pick up, please leave a voicemail."

"I will, just be sure not to over do it, I need for you to have time as well for me tonight, for when you get home."

She chuckled at his remark, since they never had any problems with that issue for when it comes to sex.

"Love you!" He hangs up quickly before she was able to give a reply.

"Really!, man can be so dumb at times." While talking to herself, along with looking the clock, if she doesn't get moving, she would be late for work.

/

Jamieson Rehab Center

Dr. Middleton was ready for anything for when it comes to his patients. He made sure to have his male aid Jerry Hawkins sitting out the door to Richard Castle's room.

When he asked Jerry to sit down, he asked to make sure he understood the orders that were given.

Inside the room, the window blinds were all up for the patient to look out. Castle having to be sitting in his usual chair was writing on a pad filled with notes.

When Jerome walked in, he can feel that there were no tension at all coming from his patient. When he saw the pad, he asked Castle on whether or not he can read the notes. He shook his head once to say yes to be his answer, along with handing the pad to the doctor looking somewhat surprised.

What it said was "Nikki loves Jamieson Rook very much.", when Dr. Middleton had a brief conversation with Mrs. Castle, he had asked her on what was the association with Nikki Heat and Jamieson Rook?

Beckett had told him that Nikki and Rook are lovers, along with the fact that Castle and herself are them in the real world to really surprise him in the first place.

"Thank you, Richard!, using his first name to begin the session.

He wrote on another pad. "Your welcome!"

"All right Richard, can you speak to me, I promise not to push you for any type of answers."

"I will talk to you, but I will say that I am feeling better from the shadows." He paused with his statement.

"Richard, I don't understand in regard to the shadows, what do you mean? He waited while watching for an reaction, he could see his hand was trembling a little bit.

"Shadows is that void that was inside my mind telling me to not fight it."

"Richard I have two names to tell me, which of these names told you to stop fighting it?, was it the devil or was it Adam lane telling you?"

"Adam Lane!" Castle asked for his pad back from the doctor.

"Now lets talk about the notes on the pad, who is Nikki Heat and Jamieson Rook?" He was going to love this part, to find out how he came up with these characters.

"Nikki Heat is the surreal character of my wife Kate Beckett, and Rook is me, I have been in love with Nikki for seven years, and I have no intentions of ever stopping."

"You mean your novels, and in real life your wife Kate Beckett?"

"Yes, Dr. Middleton!"

He waits to ask him again more questions. "Richard, how do you feel physically, do you think that your physically strong enough to leave this place, and please be honest with your answer?"

"No... He says while taking the pad to write something down.

"Can I read what you just wrote?" Castle hands him the pad once again. It says "Pain"...

"What type of pain are we talking about Richard?"

"The pain of having sex with my wife Kate, I don't wish to disappoint her, along with the pain of holding her, and everything else that goes with a relationship."

"We can help you with that Richard, we can have your wife Kate come here to set up a very special therapy called "Touching", there won't be any cameras involved to watch the both of you become "Familiar" with each of your bodies, would you like to try this in a few days?"

"I can try Dr. Middleton, otherwise I need to have these few days to heal better with my body and mind, I do not wish to have these shadows interfere with the "Touching" session."

"Excellent!, I will set this up for you and your wife Kate, I will call her later, but in the meantime Richard, what type of pain are you having?"

"My stomach, my right leg, and in my groin area, is there someone to come see me in regard to these types of pain."

"Yes, Of Course!, I will issue orders for the staff doctor to come see you, as soon as possible, right now we will stop talking, to let you rest, until Dr. Silverton comes sees you."

He gets up from his seat to touch Castle on his shoulder. "Richard, thank you for talking to me, it was wonderful session talking with you, let's hope your next session will be even better."

"Thank you!" While he goes back to his writing with the pad, Dr. Middleton went to see Dr. Henry Silverton in his office. He knocked to see that he was alone reading a file on his desk.

"Henry, my job with Richard Castle is almost over with, I was able to get through to him with his talking session, the next to the last stage will be the "Touching" part of his therapy."

"Excellent, I am sure Mrs. Castle will be happy about that, otherwise, what is needed by you, since your here in the first place?"

"Castle told me that he was still in pain for when it comes to stomach, right leg, and most of all his groin area."

"Very well, I will check out right away Jerome, I will finish reading the last part of the report on a new patient, and then I will find the proper employees to help me with Richard Castle."

"Thank you, I have one more patient to see, and then I off to go home, and spend the rest of the evening with Roberta, while wanting to try and have that baby once again, ever since her doctor told her, that there was a possible chance with the change in her medication to help.

"Well!, good luck, any rate!, but thanks Jerome for that breakthrough with Richard Castle."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Henry Silverton having talked with his friend Dr. Jerome Middleton, was worried for him the past few months, mostly for the fact that he was getting too involved with all of his patients, including Richard Castle.

He knocked on his patients door, to let Richard Castle know that he was coming in.

When he did, his patient was facing in front of the windows with the blinds up, along with a pad writing.

"Richard Castle, I am Dr. Silverton, I am here to check you out, in regard to what Dr. Middleton had told me about the pain your still having, can we talk first before I begin?"

"Yes, of course!, where do you want to start with my medical file?" Moving around from the window to face the salt & pepper Doctor in his late fifties, with a possible height of being around sixth feet.

"Now tell me Richard, how much pain are you suffering with your stomach, I know the small intestine was repaired, along with your food intake that will some time for you to be able to eat proper?"

"That's the problem, I can't eat that much without pain."

"Are you eating smaller portions then normal?" While making notes on his clipboard.

"I am, along with taking my medication all of the time for the pain with my right leg near the top, otherwise I try to manage."

"Richard, it will take time, when the nerve and muscle tissue takes the time to heal, the same for your groin area, do you have concerns for when it comes to your performance in the bedroom?"

"Very much Dr. Silverton, it's a large part of who I am inside and out, and I need to be sure when my wife Kate will be here in a few days, that I will be able to do so in the first place."

"And if you can't!, what do you think will happen if that happens? Watching for his reaction with the question.

"I don't know, I have think about on whether or not I will be able to control the shadows in my mind, I have to fight it all of the time." Shifting in his seat feeling uncomfortable with the question.

"All right, I have a few more questions before I begin, tell me, can I read what you wrote on the pad?"

"It's a possible new set of novels, I would like to write about what Adam Lane with what he did to me and his other victims, and I want to call it "THE SHADOWS OF MY MIND", and no doubt that alot of my readers would want to read it."

"Would you be able to write it, without having an episode attack in regard to what happened to you?

"I don't know at this point, I need to have more time to recover before leaving here, including my marriage to Kate, I need to be sure that I can live a full conductive life."

"Before I begin checking you, how do you actually feel right now?"

"Tire mostly, and I need to see my wife before anything else, she can help me for when it comes to messages to help with my legs, and anything else that matters?" Dr. Silverton knew exactly what he was talking about in the first place, having to blush a little even at his age of 59 years old.

"Now let me start with your exam, I will lock the door now to check you over, please stand up first to check your balance."

When Castle had gotten up from his seat, he was a little bit off balance, otherwise he held on to his chair. "Now can you take a few steps taking your time with your right leg, I will take your right arm for support, are you ready?"

"I think so, but let's try it, I need to get better before I am able to get around fully." He says with great concern.

He was going slow, before his right let started to lose ground from the weakness having to stumble a little. "Let's get you back to your chair, please sit, I will check your stomach section, this may hurt a little while I check the tender area.

"Castle winced in pain, but it was tolerable even for him, as compared to the pain that Adam Lane had placed onto him.

"Looks good!, but it still has a ways to go with the stitches, at least there is no infection to speak of!" Having to take off his gloves off, and placing another from his coat pocket, and throwing them into the container on the wall in his room.

"Now Richard, I need for you to lay down in your bed, I will take a look at your private areas, please let me know on whether or not it's too much for you to take, just close your eyes, and I will be quick as I can."

"Go ahead Doctor Silveton, I encourage for you to do the proper job for this time around."

Dr. Silverton tries to be very gentle with having to check his genitials, penis and the inner part of his upper part of his thighs, as the areas were still some what very sensitive, and swollen, but looking better totally.

"Very good Richard, you did a great job for what, I just did to check your very private areas."

"I did my best to not cry out in pain, like I did with Lane trying to kill me at the stable." He places the blanket on him to cover himself, along with feeling cold from the drop in temperature from outside, he asked the doctor to put down the windows before he leaves.

"Before I leave, I will let your nurse Anna Belle know to up your pain medication a little, and I will speak with Dr. Middleton when I see him, he's left for the day, I believe!"

"Thank you, and if I have any problems, I will be sure to let my nurses know."

"Two hours later he did, while having a episode, the night nurse found him in a ball on his side of his bed. Dr. Addison for the over night shift, reported on his chart that Richard Castle is now much calmer having been given sedation, but he was able to speak a little before finally falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven Shadows Of My Mind

Later in the evening, Richard Castle needed to write to calm his mind down from having Adam Lane to go after him again.

He called his nurse Anna Belle with three hours to go with her long shift, she came in to check up on him in the first place, she had found after being upset earlier, that he was feeling better from his episode.

"How can I help you, Mr. Castle?" While his monitor having been hooked up to check up on his vitals.

"Can you bring me some new pads to write on, I need to write on what is going on inside my head at the moment."

"Very well, I will be right back with the pads, but in the meantime, do you need any more pain medication? She asked with concern after seeing that his pain levels were some what high.

"Yes, Please, I am having a problem with my leg, otherwise everything else is manageable." He tells while trying to get out of bed, and into his chair to write, Anna Belle was able to help him with the support of his right arm.

"Thank you, it's better sitting then having to be in that bed." She leaves for the drug container at the nurses station, along with two yellow pads for her patient, before going back, she was able to make some notations in his chart for the morning shift and Dr. Middleton.

/

The writings of Richard Castle

 _It's a heartbreaking moment when a person that is totally alive becomes a mindless thing, forever dying inside his or hers mind._

 _You can't feel, see or can touch for when it comes to true love, I some how need to find this love once again, I can't start to love, until I know for sure that "The Shadows Of My Mind" will be gone._

 _Adam Lane has done this to me, ripping away my humanity to be forever lost!, But I have been able to fight back, to not let this maniac control me both with my mind and most of all my physical body from being tortured._

 _In a few days I will be joining my wife Kate, and will try to somehow become together as one for when it comes to sexual act. This is when I will be sure on whether or not I will be able to finally become alive, and leave this place forever!, I know it won't be easy for me, once I finally go home to interact with the real world, and within my own home._

 _I will write again soon to add to these writings, and I hope for the better self of the true person like myself both inside and out of my soul._

 _/_

 _Sometime the next day later in the afternoon_

 _Captain Kate Beckett could not really concentrate on doing anything at the loft accept to read her husband's books, she need to find the first Desert Storm novel. She started to clean out his left side book case, when an envelope feel out from the side of one of the books._

She could not believe it, it was his last will and testament, and updated one from two months ago.

Beckett started to read it, while starting to cry. It stated that if he died sometime during the next few months, or is unable to live a normal life both physically and mentally, he would like to be placed in a nursery home to live out his life and just die.

Her husband will be leaving everything to her, besides the monies from his book sales, along with his daughter Alexis and Martha to be divided up as well.

It was at this point that she needed to place the envelope back into one of the books, and just start looking for the first Storm book, a few minutes later she found. She left the area to head for the bedroom to be closer to her husband with his still aroma and just start reading, while getting on his side of the bed.

And hour later she fell asleep with the book having to fallen on the side of her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight Shadows Of My Mind

 _Kate Beckett woke up during the night feeling like someone was in the bedroom, when realize know was there in the first place. She had seen that the book that she was reading was on the side of her._

 _She looks at the clock to see what time it was, it showed to be three in the morning, she was feeling hungry all of a sudden, now that she having a baby._

 _She had to get up to make something for herself, no doubt that Alexis was up stairs asleep from her crazy work schedule._

 _Alexis was missing her father a great deal, ever since he was attacked by Adam Lane. She just could not believe that her father would of been over taken by him in the first place._

 _Kate Beckett came out of the bedroom to head for the kitchen area, she felt like a chicken salad with ice cream to have the urge._

 _/_

 _While at the Jamieson Rehab Center_

 _Richard Castle wasn't able to sleep, he was writing once again._

 _It was time for me to run away with Nikki Heat, to get away from the pressures of the high stress jobs that we have at the Precinct, I have been asking my wife Nikki, to take some time off from the criminals, they will always be there in the first place._

It was basically the same thing for when it comes to my wife Kate Beckett, even though she is going to be having my baby, she is going to be taking too many chances, and I just can't aloud it.

Maybe I will be able to convince her, tomorrow for our first intimate therapy session, I still don't know on how I would react to this, I just don't want to disappoint Kate, since it's been awhile since we both have been together.

 _I have decided to confront Nikki in her office, now that she has been promoted to Captain. I walk over to her door to open it, she sees that it's me._

 _"What's going on Jamieson? She looks up at her husband having a serious look on his face._

 _"We need to have a conversation for when it comes to your job, it's gotten some what confused, and we need to discuss the options Nikki, and before you say anything, it's important, since it involves out marriage, and the love we have for each other greatly!_

 _"I realize that Jamieson, but I will honor your request, and we will discuss it at home, say in one hour, I have just about finished all of my paperwork for the day."_

 _"Good!, I will meet you at home, and I will be ready for you, and so much more."_

 _It's at this time for Castle started to fall asleep, he places the pads onto the table hear his chair, he gets up taking it very slowly holding on to get back into his bed, while placing the blankets over his body to finally fall asleep quickly, along with the shadows._

 _But from his dreams of his writings, Jamieson and Nikki were at home discussing, on where they would be going for vacation taking the next two weeks off to get away._

 _Jameison was a very physical person, he was in need of being touched all of the time by his wife Nikki Heat during there conversation, they both agreed to travel to Hawaii and just live it up._

 _Nikki having to be completely nude while under the blankets, she just loved the idea to take two weeks, and spend it in Hawaii away from the daily stress of the jobs and just plain living, after finishing up she was started to enjoy loving her husband's body from top to bottom._

 _/_

 _It was around eight o'clock in the morning, when Richard Castle's nurse Anna Belle found Castle still asleep in his bed, she goes over to the table to see if he was able to write last night. He was able to fill up both pads with the writings of his new novel and to his wife Kate Beckett._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine Shadows Of My Mind

Turning point...

 _Richard Castle was ready for today with his wife Kate Beckett. But before anything, he needs to have her read his letter that he wrote for her last night. It felt that it needed to said on paper, even though having been sick these past weeks, I haven't been able to until the shadows of Adam Lane had disappeared, But I do know not completely from my mind._

 _It's been hard for me to finally come back from the thrones of death, having been kidnapped, I should of known that he would pull something like that in the first place. And then be tortured by that mad man to do things that was beyond my control._

 _I have suffered a great deal having been given that Blue Light drug to really screw me up in the first place, and then the physical tortured of being raped by Lane to do the real damage, along with all of the physical injuries by his knife._

 _Now that I have fought back, now comes time for the real up hill battle, of trying to prove that I am still a man after all._

 _/_

 _Dr. Middleton was going over Richard Castle case file, including last night's notes by Castle's nurse to be a great sign towards the road of recovery._

 _He was waiting for Mrs. Castle to arrive, she had called earlier, telling me that she was on her way over._

 _A minute later there was a knock on his door. He tells the person to come in._

 _It's Kate Beckett. Dr. Middleton I am sorry about being late, I could not find a close parking spot, it seems that the center is really busy today."_

 _"That's fine Kate, I just need to let you know your husband is quite ready for today, and believe me I am very happy that he's doing so much better, but not fully recovered." He points out with his concern statement._

 _"I understand that Dr. Middleton, believe me I know very well."_

 _"Very well then, let me take you to level five for where he is waiting for you."_

 _"One thing Doctor, what are the boundaries for when it comes to touching and sex? She asked rather scared by the question._

 _"None!, anything goes, but remember there won't be any cameras inside or out, you will have all of the time in the world to be with Richard Castle."_

 _"And if something happens like with Rick having an episode?_

 _"Then you just have to start hollering for help, I will have my aids standing by with a syringe to calm him down just in case.,and before I forget, Richard had a letter for you to read when you get inside."_

 _"Do you happen to know what's it about Dr. Middleton?"_

 _"To answer your question, no I don't at this point, so let's get going."_

 _The both of them take the elevator up to the fifth floor, while walking out, they head to walk down the hall to room 534, there are two aids waiting for them. "Mrs. Castle this is James and Ronald, they will be on the outside sitting and listening for your request of any type of help, plus there are all types of items inside for you and Richard to use for your first session._

 _/_

 _Inside Richard Castle was waiting for his wife, he had a white towel around his waste, along with the letter in his hand._

 _When she walked in, she was nervous wreck, her stomach was doing flips, however she would try to calm her nerves down. She just could not believe on just how her husband was looking in that white towel around him with any clothes.  
_

 _"Rick...In a soft, tender voice. She moves over to him near the double bed."My god!" She was touching his face with both of her hands before kissing him ever so gentle._

 _Castle responds to her with bringing her body into his. "I believe you have way too many clothes on for this therapy." She laughs at him with his statement."Kate before we start, I need for you to read the letter I wrote." He hands her the letter, while her hand was shaking._

 _Inside the letter._

 _My darling wife, I must say that I truly love you a great deal, I have been in love with you for a very long time, and I truly do need to express my love today to you, and in the way I feel finally having to fight back from the nightmare of Adam Lane._

 _Kate, I am trying this therapy to prove to myself, that I am truly a man to love you from the bottom of my heart and soul. Please be patient with me, if I am not able to finish today, without having to disappoint you or myself._

 _I would very much like to come home soon, but I do know Kate, that I am not fully recovered from the nightmare of the shadows that are within my mind._

 _I love you with all of my heart and soul...Your husband Richard Castle._

 _When Kate finished reading the letter, she was crying her eyes out. She needed to start now by taking all of her clothes in front of him to reveal her entire body._

 _She goes to take off the white towel to reveal his hard maleness. She takes her husband's hand over to the bed laying him down onto his back, he takes pulls down his wife onto his body to start kissing him very hard for the first time in awhile._

 _His hands reach for her breasts playing with them very gentle without having to hurt her in the first place, since he has always remembered, that she likes him to be rough with them between the toys and his mouth._

 _He takes one of them into his mouth to make her moan somewhat from the sensation, it was at this point, he moves down her body to give butterfly kisses onto her stomach and the area for where the baby is inside._

 _He says to the baby that he can't wait to see you born in the up and coming months, to make Kate cry again from his loving words. She was holding onto to him for dear life._

 _They continued to kiss very roughly using both there lips and tongues to have them both heated._

 _She tells him in a very whispered voice, that she wants all of him right now inside of of her, while guiding his maleness to her opening. He tells her that I am ready, since she was already wet, he would not have any problems entering, he takes a deep breath, lifting her legs up into the air to thrust into her, making her feel the pressure fully having to been a long time. He starts to move quicker with his hips along with his wife coaxing, as well with her body._

 _He continued with his thrusting back and forth, until a few moments later, he felt the orgasm coming from with his lower part of his body to have the powerful released into his wife's body._

 _She as well came together to be feeling the full sensation to be shaking and feeling the orgasm that hit her._

 _The both of them fell back onto the bed to hold each other. He was happy for himself that he was finally able to perform, after what Adam Lane had done to him._

 _/_

 _Two hours later_

 _After having intercourse two more times, and other sexual pleasures, the both of them were totally exhausted. She and Castle were able to take a shower, since there was one in the room, along with a few snacks._

 _Inside the shower..._

 _"Babe, I love you, I was somewhat disappointed that today would not work between the both of you."_

 _"I know Kate." He takes the shampoo to wash her hair, while she does the same with the soap to wash his front including his now hard maleness once again, he pushes her into the wall lifting her leg, while she holds onto the window cell, as he pushes up into her opening, she starts to moan from the fullness from inside of her, this time it was quick, with Castle having to be breathing very hard._

 _She had to make sure, he was all right, he was catching his breath to be smiling at her before going back to there washing each other._

 _After the shower, they were able to have the drinks and snacks before she was able to leave._

 _"Rick, I am sorry about having to leave, maybe we can do this again depending on what the doctor has to say."_

 _"Of course, Kate, I completely understand!, I love you."_

 _He gives her the final kiss of this day, and hopefully not for the last._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten Shadows Of My Mind

 _When Castle had gone back to his room with help from the aids, he was feeling somewhat lost that something was missing from today's session. He asked his nurse Anna Belle to have Dr. Middleton come see him when, he has the chance today._

 _Otherwise he needed to take another shower with help from his aids, he was still some what off balance with his right leg, hip and in the groin area._

 _They were able to help him clean his body mostly, but it was his mind that needed the most help._

 _/_

 _Anna Belle went to see Dr. Middleton in his office going over his notes for other patients that he needs to see during the next few days._

 _She knocks on his door, to let him know that it's her in the first place. He tells her to come in. He looks up from his notes, to ask on what is up right now._

 _"Dr. Middleton, Richard Castle wishes to speak with you about today's session with his wife."_

 _"I have a feeling, it has something to do with expecting too much out of the touching session in the first place."_

 _"I think you have hit it on the nose Doctor, and he needs to discuss it anyway with you."_

 _"Very well Anna Belle, I will go talk with him right now." He gets up from his seat placing his notes into his brief case._

 _Castle was sitting in his usual chair looking out the window, having to be such a clear day, despite having to be cold for a late January afternoon._

 _Dr. Middleton knocks on his door, to let him know that he's here by his request._

 _He takes the chair in the corner to sit next to Richard Castle with his note pad to take notes on the session._

 _"So tell me Mr. Castle, how do you feel after today's session with your wife Kate?_

 _"I was asking too much with this first session, I am feeling somewhat lost that there was something missing."_

 _"How so? He says._

 _"Maybe I should of waited Doc, until I was more physically able to move better from the injuries, that I had suffered from the attack._

 _"Did you tell this to your wife about this?" While making sure he heard the question._

 _"No, It was after she left that I started to feel indifferent with my feelings, and how I was able to perform for her, she did most of the work in that aspect of it with the sex acts."_

 _"And you think that she acted this way, because she felt that maybe she didn't want you to disappoint yourself in that area for the first time?"_

 _"Yes, very much so, Dr. Middleton, and besides, It's only been a few days that I have started to feel better with both my mind and body."_

 _"Would you want me to speak with your wife Kate about it, before we decide on the next course of action?"_

 _"Please, if you can!, but in the mean time, I will continue to write and take my medications, until things start to get better._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11th Shadows Of My Mind

When Kate Beckett had arrived home at the loft, she didn't feel right in the first place. Going to the Jamieson Rehab center today was out of sorts for some reason.

With this being the first time together intimately, however she knew that her husband wasn't truly ready for this outing in the first place, and he did it mostly to please her.

When she walked in, she noticed that Dr. Middleton, had called her to discuss today, either at his office or on the phone.

She wasn't in the mood with being exhausted to head on back to the rehab center, she decided to call him instead.

/

Dr. Middleton was on the phone with his wife Roberta, she had asked on how he was feeling after the session with Richard Castle and his wife.

"I am afraid to say this, the session really didn't go well after all, Roberta, the both of them were just expecting too much with the first session."

Don't you think, after what happened to the man, that miracles can't happen overnight for god sake?" She was angry...

"I realize that Roberta, I was just hoping that it would work out, even by my standards."

"Listen Jerome, please keep me posted, I will be going out shopping for a little while, before heading on home again."

"Roberta, please be careful today."

"I will, do you need anything special? She replied.

"Just you!, she ends the call, but it was at this point that another call was coming in. "Hello!"

"Dr. Middleton, It's Kate Beckett, I am sorry to be bothering you, but I need to discuss with you about today with my husband."

"Are you able to come here later to discuss it with me, or on the phone right now?"

"On the phone, I need to know, on whether or not you thought that the session was a little too soon in the first place?"

"To tell you the honest truth, I thought it was too soon for the patient after just starting to feel better about himself both mentally and physically, I was just hoping for too much!"

"I realize Dr. Middleton, when I left earlier, that it just didn't feel right with Rick, trying to force the issue to please me."

"And that is actually what Castle told me after you had left to speak with me about that very same subject, he needs more time Kate, and I suggest we wait a few more days to try it again."

"I will agree with you on that part of waiting a few more days, I just don't wish to push him further into something that he's not ready for."

"I will check him out once I am done talking with you before I head on home for the evening, if you feel that you need to talk with me further, please do Mrs. Castle, you have my home phone number."

"Thank you, Doctor, but in the meantime, I am in need to sleep for a few hours, despite everything that went on today."

/

Castle was half asleep in his bed after the session, he had with his wife, he was having a hard time trying to fall asleep fully.

He was in a dream like state with Adam Lane running after him towards the horse stables, he was trying to run from him after being stabbed in his stomach. He kept screaming at Lane to get away from him.

When his nurse Anna Belle heard the screaming, she called for help with the aids, and a syringe to calm her patient down, she ran into his room, along with the others grabbing his arms to give the shot, he was fighting them, until they were finally able to place the sedation into his right arm and the vein to take effect quicker.

After a few moments, Castle was much calmer, along with having to fallen asleep without causing any harm to his body, otherwise his mind reverted back a little to the shadows of Adam Lane coming back to haunt him once more.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12th Shadows Of My Mind

 _Richard Castle was running away from Adam Lane in the forest, he could not move fast enough to get away from the maniac. He kept falling to the ground, when it was too late to do anything to fight off the attack, all he felt was the knife that Lane had in his hand._

 _All he knew, was feeling the impact of the knife entering his stomach area, and the pain._

 _Castle screamed...NOOO!, while dropping to the ground now inside the horse stable._

 _It was when Anna Belle and the aids were trying to hold Castle down to give him another shot of the sedation, she hollered for extra help from the hallway. "Get Dr. Middleton or anyone in here right away Stat!"_

 _Castle's blood pressure was extremely high, along with his heart rate, they had to get him calmed down before he has a stroke.  
_

 _Dr. Middleton was getting ready to go home for the evening, when he got the word about his patient."What the hell happened to him? He asked very excited and out of breath from running._

 _"I am afraid Dr. Middleton that Richard Castle suffered a very bad episode this time around, he's calm now after giving him a double dose of sedation, he was bottoming out before his vitals sky rocketed along with his blood pressure."_

 _"We need to have someone stay here all night his room in case he suffers another attack, I will be home, please have his night nurse call me in case something else happens."_

 _"Dr. Middleton, I would be happy to volunteer and stay with him for a few hours, do you want me to call his wife and tell her the news?" She requested very softly._

 _"I will call her, and have her come here this evening to try and talk with him."_

 _"Let me call my family, on what I plan to do, no doubt they will be upset, but I am willing to help Castle get through this." She says with concern._

 _/_

 _Loft_

 _Kate Beckett was in the shower trying to relax her muscle tension after the past few weeks, after the shower for which helped a little, she went to look at herself in the mirror and the baby bump that was starting to show more and more with each week that goes by._

 _When she dressed to go into the kitchen, she heard the house phone, she goes to pick it up to find out that it's Dr. Middleton._

 _"Kate this is Dr. Middleton, I need for you to come here this evening, your husband suffered a very bad episode to really upset him a great deal, and I am afraid that it's going to continued, he's not going to be able to recover to come home after this latest attack."_

 _"Very well Doctor, I will be coming, I just need to get myself dressed and leave a note for his daughter Alexis."_

 _"You can come without anyone stopping you, I will leave orders with the staff, plus his nurse Anna Belle will be staying for a few hours to keep him company, I will be home, in case you need to speak with me in the first place."_

 _She grabs the keys from the counter, while leaving a quick note for Alexis._

 _/_

 _At the home of Jerome and Roberta Middleton_

 _Jerome walks into the bedroom looking disgusted after what happened at the rehab center. Roberta was coming out of the shower, when she realize that her husband was home, and not looking all that well._

 _She walks up to him to take him into her arms for support."What's wrong Jerome? She murmured into his ear._

 _"I am sorry Roberta, Richard Castle suffered a real bad attack, and we needed to sedated him very heavily, I had to call his wife to come and try to talk with him, and get through to him."_

 _"That's too bad sweetie, maybe Mrs. Castle will be able to get through to him in the first place, I know it's not been all that easy for her with being pregnant."_

 _"It's been really rough on her, Roberta, I just wish there was something else, I was able to do for them." He says very softly with his statement._

 _"Jesus Jerome, you can't do anything else, you have gone the call of duty to help that man, along with his wife, you need to stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong."_

 _"I know that Roberta, I need to take a hot shower, maybe the hot water will help relieve the tension behind my neck."_

 _"I know other ways to relieve the tension." She moves closer to her husband moving him down onto the bed placing him onto his back before removing her clothes._

 _/_

 _Sometime later at the Jamieson Rehab Center_

 _Kate Beckett at the main gate was waved on into the center, she was able to find a parking space right in front of the main entrance._

 _She checked into the main desk before she was able to head for the main elevator to her husband's floor._

 _When she arrived, Beckett was met up with Castle's nurse Anna Belle._

 _"Now that your here, I will leave for the rest of the evening, Mrs. Castle, he needs your help very badly."_

 _"Thank you for all of your help Anna Belle, I have appreciated it greatly." She replied very slowly._

 _"If you need anything Mrs. Castle, the aids are down the hall, please call for them when you think there is a problem." She leaves to speak with one of the aids down the hall._

 _Beckett walks into her husband's room, while locking the door. She could not believe how sad she was feeling to see her husband into a ball on his left side._

 _She decides to take off her clothing, to get into bed onto her side placing her arms around her husband for support, and placing the blankets over the both of them._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13th Shadows Of My Mind

 _Richard Castle had felt someone get into his bed with him, he turns around to face his wife asleep with her arms around his waist, he was feeling better after being given sedation and the attack of his mind from Adam Lane._

 _She goes to open her eyes to see that her husband was awake and looking amused at there position, he starts to laugh a little to make her feel better somewhat._

 _"What's so funny Rick after scaring everyone half to death with your episode?" She places a gentle kiss onto the tip of his nose._

 _"Kate, I really don't know what really happened to me in the first place, but I guess that everyone here at the rehab, must of seen it coming ." While trying to be comfortable in the bed and his wife._

 _"Do you need help Rick with your legs, I can help with massaging them to relieve the pain?" She waits for his response._

 _"Please!" He says in a whispered echo. She gets out of the bed to check his draws for any type of lotion to be used, she finds it at the bottom of the draw._

 _"All right, you tell me when I start hurting you too much with the massaging." She suggests. She starts at the bottom of his feet starting with the right leg that is the most tender taking five minutes each with both legs._

 _Since he didn't complain, she must be doing really well in the first place. "Rick, what about your stomach in the area of the stab wound?"_

 _"It's better somewhat Kate, but I can stand it for now, since Dr. Middleton told me that it will take time with my small intestine to get used to the smaller portions of food I take everyday."_

 _"Is there anything else that we can maybe talk about?" Looking on for his reaction to her question about earlier touching therapy. "Rick, I need to ask you, why did you feel that you had to prove something to me, when you weren't ready in the first place to have sex?"_

 _"I just felt that I could prove to you that I was ready, when in fact I wasn't with having to suffer with the attack, and besides I would like to try again Kate in a few days, knowing now what I learned to be not so anxious on how I perform, but rather taking my time to be with you in different ways that is most important."_

 _"I understand that very well Babe, we just need to take it slow for now on, until the both of us are truly ready." She nudges her hand against another part of his anatomy to make him feel somewhat secure with her touching that area."Would you like me to continue on or just stay in bed and just hold you until later?"_

 _"Hold me for now, we can sleep for now, until we are both ready for the real world." Richard Castle turns on his right side to face his wife, he does want to touch her stomach for where the baby is located to have him feel secured, before falling asleep._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14th Shadows Of The Mind

 _Jerome' wife had checked up on her husband a few times during the past few hours, he was somewhat restless trying to sleep after such a hard day at the rehab center. She has been trying to get him some time off for a vacation, but he would have no part of it in the first place, until after his patient Richard Castle recovers from his injuries._

 _He decided what he needed most right now was a hot shower to relax his muscles, and he knew just the right person to help him with that part of the massage._

 _She was in the living room on the computer, when she felt a feather like kiss on the back of her neck. "Jerome, what do you think your doing scaring me almost half to death?, I would of thought, you be sound asleep by now?"_

 _"Nope!, not a chance Roberta, I need for you to join me in the shower, along with giving me one of your famous massages behind my neck to help me fall asleep quicker."_

 _"It's a deal Jerome!, let's go, before I change my mind." While getting up from the computer to drag him along into the shower._

 _/_

 _The overnight nurse Susan at the Jamieson Rehab was making sure everything was fine inside the room of her patient Richard Castle, along with receiving orders that his wife had join him several hours earlier, she had found the both of them asleep two hours ago, and decided not to disturb them in the first place with orders from Dr. Middleton._

 _Susan went back to her nurses station to make a few notes with his chart, before going on her break, she left orders with her replacement, for where she would be in case something does happen with the both of them in his room._

 _Inside the room, Beckett woke to be watching her husband sleep so peacefully for the first time in weeks. After a few minutes, she needed to hit the bathroom with her bladder having to be full from the baby._

 _"Rick, I am sorry to have woken you, please try to sleep, I just need to empty my bladder from the baby." She tries to get out of the bed, but he stopped her to touch his hand onto the area of the fetus, before letting go."I will be right back!" She says very gentle walking over to the bathroom._

 _When she comes back, he was sitting up with a smile on his face, he was in the mood for other things having to be feeling somewhat better._

 _"Don't tell Rick, you have the urge right now?" She said while chuckling going to make sure the door was locked,_

 _"When is there ever a good time to play around with my pregnant wife?" He pulled her into a tight embraced._

 _"Really!, let's do this, before I decide to change my mind in the first place." He helps with getting into a better position to kiss and play with her breasts already throbbing with excitement, while she does the same with himself and very ready..._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15th Shadows Of My Mind

 _During the night, if would seem as if her husband was trying to catch up to someone in his dreams, he kept moving the past few hours, to knock her around a little._

 _Beckett had to do something before she would wind up getting hurt in the first place. When she moved out of the bed slowly, while picking up her clothes from the chair._

 _She went into the bathroom to change before deciding to wake him._

 _When she came back out of the bathroom, he seem to be much calmer, she walked to his side of the bed to wake him._

 _She bent over a little to wake him very gently. "Rick, can you hear me, please wake up!" In a soft tone of voice for him to hear in the first place._

 _It was when Richard Castle woke up with his eyes wide opened to see his wife._

 _"Is something wrong Kate?" While looking around the room._

 _"You were having a episode of some sorts, If seem as if you were fighting someone in your dream Rick." She says quietly into his ear._

 _"I am so sorry, if I hurt you in anyway?" Now sitting up in the bed._

 _"I was able to move out before it did get much worst, do you need me to call for a nurse for your medication?"_

 _"No!, I seem to be feeling better, any rate I need to think that I can break away each day from the medication, Dr. Middleton tried telling me a few times during the past few weeks."_

 _"I think it's best that I let them know in the first place, Babe, I don't want to see you get hurt any further by that madman." He whispers to her while moving in closer to kiss each other._

 _"Then go Kate, I will try to see if I can try sleeping once again before coming back into the room."_

 _"I will try to not be long, since it is very late after all."_

 _She walks out into the hallway after unlocking the door, she went to see if one of the nurses at the station was around._

 _The young nurse looks up from her chart after just coming back from seeing a patient on the same floor._

 _"Mrs. Castle, how can I help you?" She says to Kate Beckett looking concerned._

 _"It would seem that my husband is having a hard time after waking from a dream, it was like he was trying to fight his demon from within."_

 _"I will make a notation in his chart, but I will have to give Mr. Castle his medication before the situation gets worst, however will you be staying further?"_

 _"Yes, at least until he falls deeply asleep, I will be heading on home afterwards."_

 _"Very well then, come with me to say good night to your husband." She moves out from behind the nurses station._

 _"Thank you." Kate Beckett says with reverie in her step._

 _When the both of them arrived, Castle was half asleep knowing full well, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep without his medication._

 _"I just could not do it Kate with trying to fall asleep, It looks like I will be needing the shot in the first place."_

 _"Mr. Castle, I am sorry, it has to be done in the first place until Dr. Middleton gets the chance to check you out in the morning."_

 _"Rick, once the nurse gives you the shot, I will be leaving to go home, I will be sure to drop by later to see how your doing."_

 _"Just make sure Kate, that you don't rush home too quickly, it's late, and I know your exhausted with me keeping you up half the night."_

 _"Please do take care of yourself, the shot will make you relax much easier." She moves over to the bed to give her husband a goodbye kiss."Love You!" While watching a few minutes for the shot to take effect._

 _"I will walk you out Mrs. Castle." She was able to give the sedation to Mr. Castle very quickly, along with taking effect on her patient to fall asleep. Kate Beckett places the blanket over her husband before leaving and closing the door very quietly._

 _Outside of the hallway._

 _"I will be sure to let Dr. Middleton know that you were not able to stay the entire night Mrs. Castle."_

 _"Thanks!, I will be back later this evening to stay with him for at a few hours."_

 _"Of course!, come with me, I will walk you out to the parking lot."_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16th Shadow Of My Mind

 _Kate Beckett could not believe it that she was actually going home, to only come back later in the evening, and spend quality time with her husband._

 _He's only now after being attacked by Adam Lane, is starting to be coming back to the land of the living, and for how long it will last, nobody knows at this time._

 _Only Richard Castle can help thyself, no one else can do that for him, unless he wants to come back to fight his demons and the shadows of his own mind._

 _When Beckett finally arrived home into the empty loft, she truly wanted to cry, and only then was she able to released any type of emotions that had been building up deep inside of her, along with the unborn child._

 _She really could not sleep at the moment, she needed to call her father of all people having still to be in England for his firm._

 _She didn't care just much it would cost with the phone bill, she needed to hear her father's voice, and let him know just what has been going on with Richard Castle._

 _/_

 _London England_

 _Jim Beckett mostly has been keeping in touch by Alexis Castle and Martha Rogers having to been keeping him up to date on the mental well being of his son in law. With it being 8.30 a.m. in the morning, Jim Beckett has already been up for almost an hour before heading out for the day with temperatures predicted to be in the mid fifties._

 _Beckett placed the London Times onto the table, after hearing the phone started to ring. He goes to answer it on the second ring._

 _"Hello!" He could believe it that his only daughter was calling him after all this time._

 _"Dad, it's Kate!; how are you?" She was crying in the background of the phone._

 _"My god Katie, I was beginning to wonder about you and my son in law, How is he doing Katie, any better?" Giving her the chance to respond to his inquiries._

 _"He's getting better Dad, it's going to take time for Rick to finally come back and be normal once again."_

 _"What does the doctor's have to say in the matter of his mental well being?" Taking a sip of his black coffee after years of being off the hard liquor._

 _"Currently they are slowly taking Rick off the sedation everyday, it's when he suffers with an episode that he would revert back to the time Adam Lane would attack him inside the stable."_

 _"And what about my Katie, how are you dealing with the pressure that Rick just might never come back to your liking?"_

 _"It's been rough dad, I don't know if Alexis or Martha had mention that your going to be a great grandfather?" While placing her hand onto her stomach sitting in the kitchen on the phone._

 _"They told me!, Kate, you need to take good care of yourself, the stress of what happen to Richard can only be wrecking havoc with your mental and physical well being."_

 _He says to his daughter having to know her very well from over the years._

 _"I am trying very hard to let this madness not bother me all this much in the first place, and besides I just came from seeing him as part of Dr. Middleton's therapy, I will be going back later to continue it for how long it may take."_

 _"Just be sure to keep me updated, Listen Kate, I need to go, please!, when you see Richard, that I was asking about him in the first place."_

 _"I will Dad, bye... She ends the call to feel a little bit better, now what she needed to do was take a hot shower and then try to sleep._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen Shadows Of My Mind

 _After_ _talking with her father after such a long while, she was feeling somewhat better in the emotional department, since she had found out that her husband was hurt by Adam Lane. And now with the baby, it will only get worst, for when it comes to her hormones._

 _She needed to lay down for a few hours at least, before heading back out to the rehab center, but of late, it's been rather hard to do in the first place trying to relax._

 _And no doubt Dr. Middleton, will probably tell me the same thing, eventually in the long run._

 _/_

 _Dr. Jerome Middleton was having a hard time trying to rest after dinner, but for the like of him, it was getting harder and harder to do, even when you have a wife, that is willing to try anything to get him to relax._

 _Roberta had come into the bedroom for the third time, to make sure he was fine, but her antics for when it comes to sex, was not working this night, since his mind was too much on his patient Richard Castle._

 _She sits down next to her husband trying really to get comfortable, tossing and turning mostly. When he opened his eyes, he saw her looking like a worried wife once again for his well being._

 _"You really need to stop Roberta, it's getting to be too of mine."_

 _"What you really need Jerome, is a long vacation either in the Bahamas or Hawaii to really let loose?" She moves in closer to rub the back of his mind, to feel the tension probably starting a headache really soon._

 _"I should get up and call the rehab center to find out, on how everything is going with Richard Castle." She gets up to get his cell phone on the bedroom dresser._

 _"Here call them, I will make you feel better in the first place."_

 _/_

 _At the nurses station Jamieson Rehab Center_

 _Anne Belle was receiving a phone call from Dr. Middleton on her private line._

 _"Jerome, how are you?" While asking the obvious question for when it comes to his patients._

 _"Just checking in on how Richard Castle is doing mostly?"_

 _"Mrs. Castle will be here soon, she expressed a desire to try it again, after her husband suffered a slight problem with a bad dream, otherwise he's much better after been given sedation."_

 _"That is wonderful news Anna Belle, I was worrying for nothing at all!" Chuckling in the back ground for her to hear at her station._

 _"I am sorry to say Jerome, you always worry about your patients all of the time, ever since your been working at the rehab center a long time."_

 _"One thing for sure Anna Belle, you have me and my wife Roberta pegged right, for when it comes to the welfare of my patients."_

 _"No doubt Dr. Middleton!, I will have to get back to you, I just saw Mrs. Castle come off the elevator."_

 _"Just keep me posted, on whether anything develops during the night." He tells her before ending the phone call, and a wife that was looking to take him into the shower for some relaxation finally._

 _/_

 _Kate walked up to her husband's nurse, to let her know, she was ready for round two. Anna Belle's reaction to the statement, was just plain classic!_

 _"Mrs. Castle, you can go right in and get settled in for the night, your husband is awake and very anxious to get started."_

 _"No doubt!, but anyway Anna Belle, how is he really?"_

 _"Right now, he's fine, the sedation that was given in his food was able to relax him, but it won't stop his performance in other areas." Beckett chuckled at her remark._

 _/_

 _Richard Castle was ready then ever!, he was hoping that he won't have another attack, while he and his wife is having sex._

 _He was writing notes once again on the yellow pad, to keep his mind focus._

 _There was a knock on his door..._

 _"Mr. Castle, your wife is here to keep you company tonight, if everyone runs into a problem, please be sure to call me or the aids, but I suggest for now to start with locking the door before starting anything at all."_

 _In unison..."Of Course!...Beckett walks over to the door to make sure it's lock. Secondly she turns down the light in the room, and third, she takes off her clothing before getting into the bed with her husband._

 _She can see by his expression, he was being really amused, but he was stopped by saying anything else, when she removed his night gown as well to exposed his maleness in "Full Bloom"._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18th Shadows Of The Mind

You would think after a while, any man would be able to slow down and just recoup his energies after what had happened to Richard Castle.

Even his own wife wasn't able to keep up, she had kept telling him to slow down for pete sake, after the third round.

But anyway she told him that she needed to take a break no matter what was going on in the room, and locked no less!, and she didn't believe it when the nurse had told her, that the cameras inside the room were off, they were all probably getting there rocks off at her own expense and her husband's.

She told her husband, that she needed a shower and food to recharge again after this session, as compared to the first.

/

Anna Belle was watching the camera in her office, but only for a few minutes, to just make sure that everything was going well with her patient, and Dr. Middleton having called to checked in after telling her about a possible vacation spot, he would like to take with his wife Roberta to Hawaii or Spain, depending on how the weather would be at the time he finally decides to take it.

She had made sure to make the proper notes before her relief comes on in a few hours, she had decided to stay once again, all for the sake of the patient.

It was after that, she took a quick break before heading to the nurses station.

/

Castle had opted to let his wife take her shower alone, to give her the proper space, however after placing the call about food, it had arrived with the two main aids bringing in the food to set up near the bed and chair.

The hot shower was beginning to release her hurting muscles, it would give her a chance to think of new ways to have sex in a hospital bed, unlike living at the Loft that has many places to choose from.

When she had come out of the shower, Castle already had the food all set up, for which he was sampling everything that was brought in, including Chinese, Japanese and his favorite Rib Eye with plenty of onions and mushrooms.

"Kate!, your going to just love, all of our favorite foods to wind, dine and have sex with too boot!" He says with a smile to make her chuckle, accept for the sore muscles.

And besides she had been watching his every move that he's been making ever since she arrived, she was just too afraid that he might just freaked out, and really set him back once again.

When they were eating, she had grab the yellow note pad to read what he had written.

 _"Nikki finally figured it out, who was the worst offender for when it comes to crimes, she picked the police officer, since the choices are there at every corner."_

 _Even her own precinct was dirty never the less, and she needed to clean house before it had gotten worst, she needed to have her own husband Rook to go under cover to find the ones that are on the take._

 _"Are you serious Rick, to ask her own husband to snitch on the ones that work with him in the first place?" She placed the pad back onto the table near his chair._

 _"Well it's true Kate!, even your own precinct over the years, had it shared of dirty hands in the pot."_

 _She knew exactly in who he was talking about for when it comes to Captain Roy Montgomery, and his eventual down fall._

 _She had to get off that subject really quick, she was feeling better after the shower and food._

 _"However Rick, I have one question, I been wanting to asked all these years for when you were married and divorced Meredith, on just how many rounds did the both of you ever done in the space of a 24 hour period?" She was curious to hear this answer after all, she is Alexis mother!"_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19th Shadows Of The Mind

Kate Beckett was waiting for his answer with the crazy question, she had asked him in the first place.

She had found that her crazy husband had to think about it, for when it comes to Meredith.

"Really, Rick!, I would think that you know this very easily, and besides, she is still your ex wife and still paying for it in the long run."

He moved closer to her having to be standing instead of being in the bed with him. "Anyway, to answer your question, it was 11 times in the space of 24 hours."

She whistled at him before walking into his embrace finally, she couldn't but help start to laugh at him. But any rate she started to work with him, instead of against in the sex department.

She was missing his body in every way, but when it comes to his mind, it's going to take time to heal, after what Adam Lane had done to him and the others over the years.

/

Dr. Jerome Middleton, had called in to check up on his patient from the car phone, his wife Roberta was waiting for him at home, ever since she found out that she was able to start trying for a baby, she's been trying to drive her husband crazy.

They had been trying for years, but with help with special help with medication, her ovaries had started to work again after having issues with her period every month, mostly due from prolong stress.

Her husband was thrilled for when he heard the news, but it happened at the time, he started to be very involved with his patient Richard Castle.

"I will be home soon Roberta, let me know on whether you need anything from the store?"

"The only thing I need from you , is you! He smiled...I will be home in ten minutes." Before ending the call, and watching where he was going in the first place.

/

Kate Beckett was a happy camper despite the fact that every muscle in her body was hurting her, she needs to do more exercise in the near future, but with the baby coming, it's going to get harder every time.

For someone that has a mental issue, he's sure doing her justice in the physical part of it, and he's continuing for a little while longer before passing out from sheer exhaustion.

And besides, she was loving every minute of it in the first place, to have him use his tongue in areas that needs to be touch in ways, only she can imagine, let alone a mystery writer.

She was getting hot and bothered, along with thinking too hard in the first place to even stop, what he was doing to her body, let alone her mind.

And she was wondering on whether or not Dr. Middleton would let Rick come home on a part time basics, six hours a day before going back to the rehab center.

Before she knew it, she was up against the door to his room, he was taking every advantage of her body in full bloom, while the door was locked. She was putting every effort into making him happy, along with herself, but at this rate she was going, she would be passing out before her husband.

She could not but help keep looking at his beautiful eyes, something that was not there weeks ago from the thrones of Adam Lane and his evilness.

Richard Castle was finally becoming a real man in the front of her eyes, proving that he can in every way to make himself happy both inside and out of the realm.

He pushed his body up against hers, for hopefully the last time for awhile, before entering her at a thrust that almost knocked her breath out.

She went with the flow, until his body was beginning to slow down, and then finally exhausted. She had to help him a little to finally sit down onto his chair trying to catch his breath from the power surge that came up to catch him off guard.

She loved her husband a great deal, and she needed to have him home, but that was up to Dr. Middleton and his associates to make the final decision.

After a few moments, he was feeling somewhat better. It was at this point, she goes to sit down into his lap for a final kiss onto his lips, getting up to put on some clothes, asked him if he was interested in a shower, for which he agreed, before going over to unlock the door.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton having to been awake for a few hours after getting home, and making his wife happy in the romance department. His mind was now on the problem at hand, for when it comes to his patient Richard Castle.

Is he ready to go home, or do I and others keep him in the rehab center for another few more weeks, until they know for sure that he is completely cured from his on going problem with the memories of Adam Lane?

It's amazing on just how far the mystery writer has come, compared to a few weeks ago. I don't know, who I felt more sorry for, Castle or his wife Kate Beckett.

He decides to call the center to have an update from the over night nurse Susan.

/

Susan was running to the nurses station having to be just her and one other supervisor to take care of the patients, besides the aids. She was able to pick up the phone on the third ring.

"Hello!, Dr. Middleton, how are you for this late hour of the night?" Looking around for any problems that might be going on at the moment.

"I am fine, Susan, just calling to check up on Richard Castle and his wife."

"When I last checked on the camera, they were both sound asleep, doing well matter of fact, no reports of any type of episode from Mrs. Castle or the aids." She says.

"That is great news Susan, I will be in sometime in the afternoon, I have a meeting with the board of directors before coming in, I have already left a contact number for where I can be reached."

"I will be sure to call in case of a problem, but for now, good night!" He ends the call, when he turned around to find his wife pulling him back into the bedroom to get some sleep, or else he would be a piece of garbage for the meeting. "Really, Roberta, you are just too much sometimes!"

"I just worry too much at times for when it comes to my husband and well being most of all."

/

Kate Beckett was waking up having to find that her bladder was full, and needed very slowly to get out of the bed in order not to wake her husband, who was sleeping soundly for a change.

One thing she did needed very badly was a shower, her entire body was sore from there earlier session, and will probably will continue on later this evening when she comes back.

She went about her business before coming back into the room to watch her husband, before joining him once again, and falling asleep right away.

However that changed an hour later...

 _Adam Lane started to laugh at Richard Castle inside the warehouse, before spitting into his face. Castle was trying to fight Lane from his bounds on the table that he was placed on._

 _He was trying to not listen to his words, and work on the problem on how to get out of this situation and look for help._

 _When he had looked to see if Lane was knocked out after hitting him with pipe, it turned out not to be him in the first place, but rather the doctor that was helping him out to get away from the rehab center._

 _A few moments later with Richard Castle running away completely nude, was trying to hide from Lane in the stable, but Adam Lane was able to catch up with him, and before he knew it!_

 _"NOOOO!,_ Don't touch me!...Castle was trying to push Lane away from him with the blade before doing more damage to his body.

Kate Beckett having gotten out of bed really quick, she knew that her husband was in trouble, she ran to unlock the door looking for help. She found Susan heading her way.

"Where's the syringe?, She asked very quickly...She called for the aids down the hall, the both of them came running very quickly out of the visitors room. "Come help, we need to give Richard Castle his medication right away to calm him down.

Beckett was able to find the syringe right away handling it to Susan, while the two aids went to hold down Castle fighting what ever that was after him in the first place.

Castle was knocking everything in his way, but Susan managed to hit the area of the vein in his right arm.

"It will take effect very quickly, Mrs. Castle, I suggest you get yourself ready to leave for now, I will have to inform the morning nurse Anna Belle on what just happened in my report."

She has the aids released him to lay back down onto the bed, and this time keeping one of the aids on the outside of the door in case of more trouble.

"Mrs. Castle, come with me please, when your husband wakes later, we will be able to explain to him on what exactly happened to him."

After grabbing all of her stuff and looking back at her husband, she was trembling after seeing that he could of hurt her in the process, and with having to know what to do in the first place with calling for help.

"What happen to him to have type of violent reaction?" She replied trying to stop from shaking.

"It was a very bad episode, his mind after a few hours of bliss, just went back to those images for when he was attack by Adam Lane."

"So in your words, he could of killed me without having to realize in what he was trying to do in the process?"

"Yes, I am afraid to say this, but your quite right, he could of killed you there in that room, and not really know in what he was doing to rid of his own devil and Lane combined."

"I will leave now, please have Dr. Middleton and the others contact me, I will have my phone turned on, I will be at the loft trying to sleep after all that has happened this evening.."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21st Shadows Of My Mind

When Dr. Middleton was informed of the bad news, he was quite upset at the fact that his patient had a set back, it was bound to happen in the first place, even when things were going so well.

While he was at the board of directors meeting, he wanted to try a different approach to get these shadows of his to be gone for good.

It's mostly therapy with a group to discuss your fears and just act them out in front of them. At first with all patients it can get dangerous to have them act out there pent up frustration in trying to get rid of there own devils, and in this case Adam Lane.

However for when it comes to Richard Castle, since he's a mystery writer, there will be a time for where he won't know the difference between what is real or made up.

/

When Kate Beckett had arrived home finally, she was totally exhausted from the entire affair, and having to see her own husband not knowing at all just who she was in the first place.

She needed to do something to get rid of the pent up energies she had. She decided getting dressed in her running clothes, flash light, water and her phone to just let loose for just a little while.

She was able to make it to the swings having to sit down and rest with drinking her water and catching her breath from the run. She was lucky to have no one around despite the area having to be well lit.

Beckett got onto her phone to call Lanie. Since she was working the over night shift at the county morgue, along with Alexis working on a special case for the police commissioner and Mayor.

/

County Morgue

Alexis had come in after having an hour break to hand her the final results on the test, when Lanie heard her cell phone go off at this time of night. When she saw that it was Beckett, she answered it right away.

"Beckett, how are you?" She asked with concern for her friend.

"Lanie, something happen at the rehab center that really freaked me out."

"What Happened?"

"Rick had a bad attack after we had finished our time together in bed, he couldn't remember who I was when Adam Lane started to attack him in his mind."

"I am so sorry Kate, what does his doctor have to say on the matter?"

"Dr. Middleton will be calling me later with another course of action to help Rick out with his mental condition." Lanie can hear noises in the back ground.

"Where are you, I can hear traffic in the back ground?"

"At the park on the swings, since I wasn't able to sleep, I decided to run, until I reached the park and our favorite place with the swings, I will be heading back Lanie in a few minutes."

"Just be careful going home, wait a minute." She can hear her calling for Alexis. When Lanie asked her on whether or not she could go pick up Kate and bring her home to the loft.

"Sure!, where is she exactly?" She asked.

"The park swings where your dad and your step mom meet over the years, Kate, Alexis is coming to pick you up to take you home to the Loft instead of running back."

"I will wait for her, thanks Lanie!" She ends the call to wait for Alexis.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22nd Shadows Of My Mind

Alexis was able to make it quickly over to the park with very little traffic to get in her way. She walks over after seeing Beckett sitting on the swings.

"Kate, are you all right?" Sitting down next to the other swing.

When she didn't answer, Alexis spoke up once again with her question.

"I am sorry Alexis, I really wasn't paying attention with so much on my mind lately."

"I know with Dad's illness, I just hope to god that Dad gets out of this, I would hate to see him and you suffer."

"I realize Alexis, that things can get complicated at times, but this starting to be too much even for me and your father."

"Lanie didn't tell me the details, what happened? While pushing the swing up into the air.

"To make a long story short, your father after having sex several times, it was after he had settled down and fallen asleep, his mind had kicked in with the images of Adam Lane trying to kill him once again, and this time Alexis, he didn't even know who I was at that moment, for where he could of killed me."

"My god Kate, I didn't realize just how bad it was with Dad until now."

"Dr. Middleton wants to try another approach before trying to send him home for short term, he wants to have Castle in front of a group to act out his frustration with Adam Lane, and see if this will work to get these shadows or images out of his mind."

"And what do think of the idea? She says.

"Alexis, I think it's a great idea, if it works to have my husband back to me in the first place, along with Rick needing to know that all of us love him a great deal, as with the baby." She goes to touch the area of her stomach with the baby growing inside.

"Come on Kate, it's getting late, and Lanie needs me very badly at the morgue."

/

Some time later Dr. Middleton after a boring board of directors meeting, finally arrived around one P.M. in the afternoon, he had checked in with his secretary before going to speak with Richard Castle's nurse Anna Belle.

Anna Belle was at the nurses stations ready to make rounds once again when she sees the doctor heading her way.

"Anna Belle, how is Richard Castle this afternoon?" She hands him his chart.

"Now this is great, his vitals look so much better, as compared to the past few days, and he's eating more, it shows that his physical injuries are healing."

"True!, but what about his mental state is the biggest problem?" She asked the most important question.

"I will go see him now, please come to watch for any reactions." The both of them walk off to head for his room.

/

Castle was out of bed for a change having just came out of the shower to relax his sore neck muscles. He goes to sit in his chair while looking at the yellow pad filled with all kinds of notes. When he hears a knock on his door.

Dr. Middleton and his nurse walk in. "How can I help you, Doc?" Placing back down the yellow pad.

"Richard, you need to tell me in the first place, just how are you feeling today after last night?" Looking on with his notes in his hand and waiting for his replied.

"Angry!, for having myself act like that in the first place, and almost killing my wife in the process because of Adam Lane." Slamming his hand at the yellow note pad.

"Now this is a good sign, your finally fighting back your shadows, and before you know it, they will be gone."

"I don't understand Doctor Middleton!" He looked some what confused with his statement.

"Anna Belle please set up a session with the group for acting out there frustrations, I will have Mr. Castle join in on the session either this evening or tomorrow morning."

"I will see to it right away." She leaves after saying good bye to her patient very quickly.

"Mr. Castle this will help you in the long run for when it comes to your overall recovery, by acting out your aggression towards the people in this case Adam Lane, I am warning you right now, it will mostly shock you for when it comes to what humans can do, for when it comes to acting out there frustrations on another human being, and in this case a Dummy to replace the person that your been wanting to kill in the first place."

"And you think that I am ready for this next step in the therapy?"

"For you!, yes in a big way and for your wife Kate Beckett, and no doubt she will appreciate it greatly to have you been to the land of the living."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23rd Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Middleton tried his best to explain the therapy to both Kate Beckett and his patient Richard Castle, he's hoping for the best with the sessions, that he will be able to finally become his normal self, and live a daily existence.

It had turned out that the session with his group would be tonight at eight o clock, with all 15 members including himself and the moderator to intervene with any questions will be able to ask during the session.

It was a few minutes later when Anna Belle came back in to let the doctor and Castle know that the first session will be tonight, it would give Castle four hours to think about it, eat, sleep or even write before he starts with the group.

"So doc, how many people will be involved in this session?

Castle asked looking up from his yellow note pad.

"15 along with myself and the moderator, he or she will be watching for any type of issues that may arise during the session, anything goes for the first time out, you will have a dummy placed in front of you to take out, on what ever frustrations you may have against your attacker, like with Adam Lane or anyone else."

"How long do these sessions usually last, like with my being there for a first time?"

"Most of the time it's two hours with everyone, however I will be sure to place your name on the list, and to put you into the third slot, this way you won't have long to wait and wind up getting too nervous in the process."

"I understand completely." He says.

"Very good!, see you in four hours or sooner." Walking out with his brief case filled with patient's notes.

/

It was during this time Dr. Middleton made a number of phone calls, one of them to his wife, to remind her that he won't be home until after ten thirty with his weekly session.

"Just be sure Jerome, you don't get too bent out of shape, on whether this first session doesn't work out for Richard Castle in the first place."

"I know that Roberta, I am just hoping for the best that it will eventually do some good for the mystery writer."

He hangs up looking at the time, he's going to at least an hour to sleep, but first he had to call Mrs. Castle and let her know on what is going on with the session.

A few minutes into the conversation...

"So Doctor, from what your telling me, I am not aloud to attend this session, just because it might be too frightening for me to watch." She said.

"Yes, and believe me, I realize your a police officer and has seen a great deal of horrible things throughout the years, but when it comes to these sessions, a number of things will come out that the average person might not like to hear in the first place, so I am telling you for now, not this time, until I know that everything will be fine."

"Very well doctor, I will abide by your rules and regulations, but please be sure to keep me in the loop once it's over with."

"I will Mrs. Castle."

/

7.30 p.m.

Dr. Middleton having woken from a sound asleep, he was feeling much better after a quick shower in his living quarters of the rehab center, along with a quick drink and snack before walking out to meet with his patient.

On the third floor most of the 15 patients including Jake a long time patient was picked tonight to be the moderator, he was going over the list of patients that will be here this evening including Richard Castle for his first time, and placed third in line.

First to go this evening will be Eric having been a patient for three years, and has not come to terms with the death of his wife and son having been killed in a car crash that he was held accountable for.

Second Judith Smiths a school teacher having witness a murder a year ago, and has been unable to remembered the scene, Dr. Middleton has been putting Smiths under hypnosis, but as yeat only certain details has surfaced.

Jake looked up from his notes, when he saw that the doctor and others had arrived, Jake was introduced to Richard Castle.

"Nice to meet you, now Doctor, does Mr. Castle understand the concept of this session?"

"Yes, He does, and besides he knows that you and the others will be asking the questions, I am just here to watch to make further evaluations."

Jake started the session with everyone standing up to introduce themselves.

"Now everyone lets begin by placing our dummy in the middle of the group, I believe it's Eric up first.

Eric walks up a shell of a man, as if his will to live was just about ended.

Eric sits down by picking up the dummy and placing it on his lap. "So Eric is there anything you need to say to the dummy, our last session you couldn't even come close to picking it up, but today you have."

"I have decided after the last session, that I am just sick and tire of taking the blame for the death of my family, I need to do this, and I am sorry." All of a sudden Eric starts punching out the dummy with his hand to really surprised everyone in the group, other then Castle.

Jake came over to help Eric back to his seat having to start crying finally ever since the car accident.

Everyone was asked to clapped, while Dr. Middleton was making notes to the progress that was made with his patient.

"Ok, it's Judith's turn, can you please stand up and come over."

Judith decides that she doesn't want to come up, she had nothing to say this evening to the group, she declines.

"Very well then, we will have Judith talk with us with the next session. Jake goes to his next patient on the list.

"Richard Castle please come up and take your dummy."

He walks up very slowly to his seat, he sits with taking the dummy into his lap.

Someone of the patients stands up to ask him a question. "My name is Sam, Richard Castle what happened to you?

There was a look on his face once he was asked the question, that something in his mind was about ready to let loose. Dr. Middleton has seen this look before.

It was a sudden burst of anger that Richard Castle started to beat up the dummy.

 _I hope to god with being angry for what he did to me in the first place, I hope you realize that my life is not what I choose for the moment." He continues to punch the dummy with having to start crying._

"What did Adam Lane do to you? Sam asked another question.

 _"Adam Lane destroyed my life, he attacked me, stabbed, and most of all took away my dignity having to raped me when I couldn't fight back most of all, and I hate this person so much, I want to at least try_ _to get my revenge and get back what he took away from me."_

 _Eric came up to see how he was doing."Mr. Castle, do you think that your be able to live a normal life now, that most of your frustrations has been released?"_

 _"I know that I am not ready to leave this place, I realize that I still have issues that needs to be solved."_

 _Judith Smiths stands up to ask the next question. "Richard Castle, I know that life is not easy, and it's not, I just felt that it wasn't my time to finally speak up, however with yourself, it's a totally different scenario, I suggest you let this group know in what other issues are still on your mind."_

 _"At the moment I can't until I need to write them down, this way I will be able to discuss it with the group, and hopefully it will be able to make me a better man in the long run."_

 _"Very well then, until next time!" Jake tells Richard Castle, along with a smiling Dr. Middleton._


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24th Shadows Of My Mind

Jake and Dr. Middleton were very impressed with tonight's session, among other things well. It was truly remarkable on how well Richard Castle had adapted to the session most of all.

Otherwise Jake could still see by watching his movements that Castle was still struggling with his inner emotions for when it comes to Adam Lane and his torment.

 _Castle was trying to cope quickly in regard to what exactly happen this evening, he doesn't know at all on whether the session did any good for him for both emotionally or mentally, but at least he was able to remove some of his pent up anger._

 _Jake and the rest of the members went to shake Castle's hand on a job well done on the session. Dr. Middleton was pleased most of all, he would have something positive to say for when he calls his wife Kate Beckett._

 _However he would not recommend to have him released to go home on a part time basics, until he knew for sure that Castle would be able to take care of himself on his own, and free of any type of medication._

 _He would have his patient continue on with the touching and this kind of therapy for a few more weeks, he needed to be sure that his patient would be fine never the less without having to suffer with his inner torment._

 _/_

 _Kate Beckett was a wreck having to wait for Dr. Middleton to call her in the first place. Her stomach was in knots having to be constantly worried about her well being and of her husband's, and with this latest episode in his room, really knocked her for a loop._

 _She had to get out of bed to do something to get her mind off the situation at hand, she would try to do a little bit of yoga to stretch her stiff muscles._

 _She's on the floor with a blanket working on her routine, when she hears the phone ringing, she knew right away ot had to be Dr. Middleton._

 _It's a good thing she had lift her cell on the edge of the bed, so that she can reach it at any time._

 _"Beckett! While stretching out her legs to have a better position to sit against the back of the bed rest. "How is he, Doctor?" She asked with great caution._

 _"Your husband Richard did a wonderful job of interacting with his inner demons mainly Adam Lane, however there seems to be other issues that is in his mind that needs to be settled, and I need to find out what at this point."_

 _"Do you have any idea as to what else might be going on at this particular time?_

 _"I don't know if any of what I am going to tell you, has to do with it, but I have a feeling for when Castle disappeared for two months, that there is a possible chance that some of those memories are starting to surface, because of what happen with him and Adam Lane."_

 _"On My God, I should of suspected something like this would happen in the first place to stir up his memories."_

 _"Kate, I know this is a long shot, I would very much like to continue on with this type of therapy, but this time I would be sure to record every word that might come out to help us with this long standing battle of his."_

 _"Of course!, anything that would be able to help my husband in the short and long term of his recovery, but do you think that with the next session will no doubt bring more of his lost memories to come back at full force?"_

 _"I would say yes very much, despite the fact in what you told me about his disappearance, and who was exactly involved was behind the entire scenario."_

 _"It was mostly his father and his C.I.A. contacts from long ago, along with Senator Bracken , who is now dead, as with Loksat and several others from the organization."_

 _"Well then Mrs. Castle, I will be sure to work on the problem at hand with the next session."_

 _"When will that be Doctor Middleton?_

 _"I will let you know within the next day or so, I will discuss it with the board of directors to help speed up Richard Castle's recovery, along with the other members that were involved with tonight's session."_

 _"Thank you." He ends the call along with a very relieved Kate Beckett breathing better. She decided to get up to take a shower after the work she had with her yoga work out._


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25th Shadows Of My Mind

Judith Smiths asked her nurse on whether or not she could go speak with another patient on this floor.

Anna Belle having to still be working really late, she ashed her which patient since it's late.

"I need to speak with Richard Castle, the mystery writer if possible, I know he was upset tonight with the therapy session, maybe I can help him out a little despite having to always think about my own issues." She says with great concern with her voice.

"Come on, let's go see Judith, but we need to be very careful that you don't upset him too much."

"I will Anna Belle."

When they arrived, Anna Belle knocked on the door very lightly, when she heard the word "Come", she had a feeling he was still up and writing when she walked in Judith.

"Mr. Castle I have someone that wishes to speak with you in person about tonight's session."

"I would be happy to talk with you."

"I will be outside on whether you need me for anything at all." She tells the two inside his room. She leaves.

"So Judith what's on your mind?"

"Mr. Castle I must say that I was rather impressed with your session this evening, I would of never realize that your be able to adjust to the changes after beating up your dummy, most people have a hard time."

"They why didn't you take out your frustration?" He asked with a serious tone.

"I wasn't ready, but besides I need to talk with you anyway because your a mystery writer that deals with a great of violence and murder."

"That is very true, but how can I help you?

"I am blocked despite all of the therapy I had, I was given a suggestion to write things down for when ever I get a glimpse of a vision I would get from my witnessing a terrible event last year."

"I understand in what your talking about in the first place, my therapist Dr. Burke did that with me to help remember certain events that had happen to me, I don't know if you heard what happened to me for when I went missing?"

"I did, but I never knew the full details on what exactly happened, since it was never revealed to the public." She said with conviction.

"Even now after all this time, I keep having certain memory flashbacks on what I had done during the time I was missing for those two months."

"I understand, the reason I am asking, I need for you to help me with the next session to interact together to get me to finally remember my memories from what happened last year, and I do realize Mr. Castle that it can get very dangerous at some point of the session."

"I will help you, and I hope you will be able to help me out in return."

She looked over to see what he had written on the yellow pad. "What's this?" She asked handing him the yellow pad."

"Therapy to help me to fight my demons against Adam Lane, it's going to be a new series of novels, once I get past with writing "Killer Heat" probably will be the last of the series.

She starts to read the insert "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"..

 _Ever since I was a very little boy I have been fighting the boogie man in my dreams, but one day he came alive in front of me, to tell me that I was going to die some day at my own hand._

 _When I had told him that I wasn't going to die, I would fight you to the very end, no matter how I might be for it when it does finally happen._

 _Don't look around for others to fight your own battles, I will be sure to have my very own guardian Angel to be in your way, since God and my angel are so much more stronger then you."_

"My god Castle this is so wonderful reading what you just wrote, thank you, I will leave you now to have you try to get some sleep."

"I have a feeling I will be able to now after speaking with you, good night Judith, and thank you."

After she had left, Richard Castle fell asleep peacefully for the first time since Adam Lane came into his life.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26th Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Middleton was feeling good about himself this evening .his wife Roberta, but first he needed to stop on the side of the road to call Mrs. Beckett, He was able to find a gas station instead, since it would safer to talk on the phone.

He dials the number...

"Hello!, She was sounding tired from what the doctor can tell having to be 11 o clock at night.

"Kate, how are you ?, I am calling to let you that your husband Richard, did a great job with the therapy, it turned out a great deal more is involved then just Adam Lane."

"I don't understand Doctor, please explain to me on what is going on with Rick?" She replied while yawning.

"When you had told me about Rick disappearance, I had suspected that not all of his memories have been revealed by your therapist Dr. Burke."

"Yes, that is very correct Doctor Middleton." She says.

"It would seem with tonight's special session that more of your husband's memories are coming to the surface."

"What do you plan to do in regard to this with bringing out my husband's memories?"

"I have schedule more of the special sessions within the next couple of days, along with having one of my special patients work with your husband to interact together on retrieving the memories, Judith Smiths was involved in witnessing a murder last year, she asked to help your husband and vice versa, they will be together to work on help themselves to get to normal once again."

"When this revelation happened with this Judith Smiths?

"After the meeting, Judith had asked the nurse that she wanted to speak with Castle, and to the fact that she was tired of living with her own shadows, and wanted to work at trying to remember the full details of that murder."

"Doctor, I hope that you realize that it can get really dangerous, if and when those memories finally do surface?"

"I know that Mrs. Castle, but any rate I just wanted to let you know on the good news, I am heading home for the evening, I will call you sometime tomorrow, even though it is my day off."

"Thank you for calling me, I feel so much better at this point, I have a feeling, I will be able to sleep, good night."

/

Late Night

Judith Smiths had asked the night nurse for a yellow pad to write on, she was able to get two instead to keep her busy for a while.

Judith had this one particular flashback with seeing this person in her school, she had seen him a few times during the past few months before the murder.

She remembers a light brown skin man in his late forties, wearing tan sneakers, as if he was running or something, along with a tan jacket and black sweat pants, with a cap over his head, however she could see his height of being around six feet at least, otherwise that was it, she has been trying to remember the face, but hasn't been able to.

She looked at the time, and since she couldn't do anything else, she went to bed.

/

Jerome arrived home to a sleeping wife, it would give him a chance to unwind in the shower for about thirty minutes, and since it was his day off tomorrow, he had a feeling his wife would be very interested in wanting his body to try for that baby once again to really tire him out.

He dropped out of his clothes after such a long day at work, he just picked them up and placed everything into the hamper.

He has making sure the hot water wasn't burning to get in, as it was finally just right getting in with the hot spray hitting his body, but after a few minutes, someone knocked on the shower door to surprise him from his day dreaming.

He goes to open the door. "I hope you don't mind company Jerome?" She was fully nude when he told her to come in and join him.

"I missed you, Jerome a great deal, I love you!" She said before moving into his chest to kiss him really hard to knock him back against the shower wall to surprised him.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27th Shadows Of My Mind

In the morning Dr. Middleton was feeling wonderful after spending time with his wife in bed, and since this was his day off, he felt he could do the same again, but first he needed to call the rehab center and Mrs. Castle, before anything else.

When he called the center, his secretary Nancy had picked up at the second ring. "How are you, Jerome, I am wishing you the best with your day off, Dr. Mathews is here, do you wish to speak with him?" She asked.

"That's fine Nancy, just connect me to the nurses station, I wish to speak with Anna Belle."

/

Nurses station

Anna Belle having worked ten hours already, she was waiting for her relief to arrived, she had called to let her know that she was on her way.

The main phone started to ring, she goes to answer it on the third ring.

"Nurses station, Anna Belle speaking, how can I help you?

She said while looking over at the elevator to see that she has arrived.

"Anne Belle it's Jerome, I am calling to find out about Richard Castle and Judith Smiths."

"They are both fine doctor, Judith went to see Richard Castle last night to discuss there sessions, she told him, she is willing to work with him to get them both back to normal, she told Castle last night about her vision of seeing the man that killed the young woman, she wasn't able to see his face still."

"This is wonderful news finally, she is starting to remember everything finally, but however we need to watch her closely once she does."

"I agree Doctor Middleton, it's going to be the same for Richard Castle once he starts to remember everything as well in regard to his abduction and what exactly he wound up doing in the first place."

"Very well then, thank for the information, when are you done with your shift?" He asked with his wife listening behind his back on the living room couch.

"Actually doctor, my relief just came in, oh! and before I forget, the next session with Jake and the others will be tomorrow in the afternoon."

"Good!, I be sure to let Mrs. Castle know as well about the next session, take care Anna Bell, see you tomorrow." He hangs up. "Now to you my dear, how can I help you?"

"Call Mrs. Castle, Jerome, before I really start with you for when it comes to certain things in our lives."

/

Kate Beckett was tire, she needed to stay in bed a little bit longer, her day will be consisting of going into the 12th precinct to visit her friends, since she is still on leave for two more weeks.

She has lunch with Martha at her new apartment in Manhattan, and then to see Lanie her girl friend at the county morgue, Alexis will then be working as well for at least six hours helping out Lanie.

She woke to the sound of the phone, she bends over the bed to reach for her cell on the dresser.

"Hello!" In a sleepy voice.

"It's Doctor Middleton, how are you Kate?" Calling her by her first name

"Tire mostly, however I am fine despite what's been going on with my husband."

"I had a report earlier, he seems to be doing much better, he has a great deal of help from Judith, she's been helping him and vice versa."

"That's wonderful news, by the way Doctor, when is the next meeting going to be held?"

"Tomorrow afternoon Kate, and believe me it's going to be really interesting to find out what is going to happen with those two."

"And I am still not able to attend the session?" She asked with sincere emotion to be there at the session, and get it over with her torment of not knowing the full truth, about her husband's abduction, and who actually was behind it in the first place."

"Very well then, you have permission to attend, but I am warming you, it can really get ugly once the final truth comes out with the both of them, or it may not happen anyway."

"All right doctor I completely understand, just call me in the morning on what time is the session." She asked while yawning.

"I will Mrs. Castle, see you tomorrow, good day." He hangs up to a wife is pulling him up from the couch, once inside the bedroom, she pushes him back against the door to kiss him really hard while pushing her body into his.

/

Kate Beckett feels better, she goes into the shower to unwind for her day ahead, and tomorrow.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28th Shadows Of The Mind

Kate Beckett had gone to see Martha at her new apartment in Manhattan, It was really lovely mostly having to suit her just find.

Martha opened the door to let her into the spacious living room, and for where she had set up a tray of food and drinks.

"Martha, just place is just wonderful, I hope you like it better then the last place?" She tells her looking around further before sitting down on the leopard couch.

"How are you Kiddo, I know it's not been easy for you in the first place with my son in the rehab center?"

"It's been rough Martha, but I am dealing with it the best I can, however Rick is beginning to feel better with the therapy sessions he's been having with the group."

"How so Kate when you say with the group? Picking up on her vibe.

"Dr. Middleton has this special therapy sessions with patients that are having a hard time trying to remember certain memories to have placed them into the rehab center in the first place."

"And you think this will help Richard remember something else other then Adam Lane?"

"His abduction Martha, when he was in this group last night to help fight there frustrations, something had come up during the session to have Dr. Middleton think some of his memories from that time is surfacing."

"My god Kate, and what if something comes out that might be a harm to you and the marriage?"

"Martha our marriage has been in danger since day one Rick left for those two months, I had suspicious for the longest that there was something else that he was involved in other then being in Thailand."

"Like what?" She says with worried conviction.

"I have a feeling Rick might be involved with the C.I.A. with his father having to be a part of it."

"Now wait a minute, I would never believe that Jackson would actually have Richard be an active member just for the sake of saving the United States and other countries."

"Martha, I would very much believe it, since we actually don't very much about him anyway, other then the fact that he used to be married to this Rita woman that I met once prior before she was killed by Loksat."

"Well any rate Kate, let's just hope Richard gets better no matter what, now let's have something to eat, I know you said on the phone that your busy all day with visiting people."

"Yes, that's right Martha, and besides I am hungry with the baby always looking to be fed." Martha laughed at her humor.

/

Lanie Parish was waiting on her friend Kate Beckett to come visit her here at the morgue, Alexis had just arrived to help her out on a male body was just brought in having been found in the Hudson River with no I.D. or no clothes as well.

"Lanie, where do you want me to start today? Alexis asked while putting on her lab coat.

"We have a new body that just came in, can you prepare it for me, I am waiting on Beckett, she is going to be here in a few minutes after coming from your grandmother's new apartment."

"All right Lanie I will start with your new John Doe, since you made it clear that you didn't mention a proper name."

"That is correct Alexis."

Just when Alexis was leaving Beckett stopped her to give her a hug and asking her when she gets time to call her grandmother for a quick chat. "I will Kate, when I am done preparing the body in the lab, now if you excuse me I have work to do." She leaves.

"Lanie, how are you?" Sitting down in her chair next to her desk and computer.

"I should be asking you the question instead, so what's up Kate?"

"Lanie, tomorrow Rick is having a very special therapy session, with his group for fighting out there frustrations with a dummy, to either bring out those memories that a particular patient do not wish to remember like with Rick's abduction or Adam Lane, and what he did to Rick further while they were together in the stable."

"But we already know what Lane did to your husband in the stable!"

"Not true Lanie, there was more to it then what my husband has been able to remember like with being raped, however what he did with the raped, Rick hasn't been able to say a word about it with either his sessions or writing it on a piece of paper."

"Good god Kate, that is just horrible for any one person to bare let alone a woman no less!, and you think tomorrow with this session that those memories will be released?"

"No, but what it probably will for when he was abducted and what exactly he did during those two months, and if that is the case, there is going to be hell to pay for when it comes to my love and marriage to Richard Castle."

"You can't say that Kate, Jesus Chirst!, you love the man a great deal, and for you to end it now, after finding out what comes out tomorrow is not right at all, even with you carrying his child of all things."

"Lanie, I am so mixed up right now, I was just upset when I said those words, and besides I do Rick a great deal with all my heart, I will just wait it out anyway and see what happens."

"Well what ever happens, please let me knows on what happens, is that fine with you, and besides I need to get back to work I have a John Doe on my hands at the moment."

"I have to go anyway, I will keep you posted on what happens." She gets up to hug her best friend before heading on over to the 12th precinct.

"Take good care of yourself Kate, and say hello to everyone at the Precinct including the new member on the block Sung Wung."

"Yes, ex inspector Sung Wung of Hong Kong, Gotta go, bye!"

/

Dr. Jerome Middleton was asleep when his wife had gone into the shower, she's been extremely happy that her husband has been home, and spending quality time with her most of all, and trying to have a baby that the both of them want very badly.

After the shower and having gotten dress, she needed to go on the computer for a little while for Face book, and liking to read certain fan fiction stories mostly for sci fi, crime and police.

Once she was settled, Jerome had woke up to find his wife not in bed, he went looking for her to find that she was on the computer.

"Hey!, I missed you and your warm body." He says before kissing the back of her neck.

"I couldn't sleep anymore, and besides you needed your rest more then me with having to work a great many hours these past few weeks and your patients needing you."

"That is quite true Roberta, however I am here now, don't we have a baby to make?" He says with a smile before placing his hand under his wife blouse to play with her breasts.

"You sold me Jerome, let's go back to bed to try and make that baby we both want very badly." She gets up, but first she shuts off the computer, before pulling her husband arm into the bedroom and closing the door.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29th Shadows Of The Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton after spending time in the bedroom, he had to take a shower before making a snack, he was starved.

When he gone into the kitchen, he had to make sure to not wake his wife. He's been thinking about Richard Castle and his patient's on just might could happen tomorrow with the session.

He would hate to think with what the worst can happen, other then the fact that Castle's marriage, just might be ruin because of it, depending with what information will come out with his abduction.

Having to be taking a gulp of his orange juice and taking a bite of his sandwich that he had made. It was at this point he went to the kitchen counter, he brought the laptop over to the table, he needed to bring up any information in regard to the mystery writer's past history on his abduction, his father, his novels, anything to do with his overall life.

After an hour of looking and reading on the Internet, he had a better understanding into the mind of Richard Castle.

It was at this point that his wife Roberta had come into the kitchen looking for her husband having to be studying something on the computer.

"What's going on Jerome?" She goes to the frig to take her favorite food out to eat Chicken legs that she had cooked for the past few days, along with a salad and bread.

"Since I wasn't able to sleep any further, I need to find out certain things about my patient Richard Castle, and I must say he's been living a charmed life, ever since he's been a little boy."

"And since your checking him out, what do you suspect is going to happen tomorrow with the session?"

"I just hope that it won't turn into a blood bath for when it comes to Adam Lane and with what ever is discovered with his abduction."

"I am going to say this, if I had to guess, I would suspect that another woman might be involved in this total scenario to have this man gone for two months, along with what ever else he was doing in the first place."

"It's maybe why Kate Beckett is probably afraid that it exactly what might happen in the long run, and who or what is involved with his abduction, and if this happens with the session, then I am afraid that both parties will be looking for extra help and therapy to save there marriage."

"What a shame!, I just hope Jerome that it doesn't happen in the first place with those two, come Jerome eat your food, as with myself, and then I will give you a nice massage, I know that you could use any way, after what I put you through today."

"I am fine Roberta, I just didn't that there is so much work involved for when it comes to trying to make a baby, let's hope it was worth it when your next cycle comes up."

"We will know in two weeks Jerome, by the way can I borrow the laptop for a few minutes, I need to check the web site on any new fan fiction stories by my favorite authors."

He pushes the laptop over to her, while the both of them finish up having there snack.

/

Meanwhile Richard Castle was keeping himself busy, today so far, he's had several visitors come by to see him, Alexis, Martha and even Kevin Ryan and his wife Jenny stayed a little while, but the one person that has not come, because of the session tomorrow was his wife.

Since it was getting late now dinner was being served, he was mostly hungry as Anna Belle came in with tray filled with all types of goodies for him.

"By the way Mr. Castle, do you need any extra writing pads to tonight, I have a feeling your going to be busy, why I say this, Judith Smiths has expressed interest in wanting to talk with you again, before tomorrow's therapy session."

"To answer your question, I will be needing the pads to write on, and second please inform Judith that, I would be very happy to talk with her this evening, but for now I am starved." Taking a look at what is on his tray most of all.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30th Shadows Of The Mind

Judith was given the word that she could go visit Richard in his room at any time. Once she was told, she had gotten herself together with putting on some lip stick and eye shadow, along with her yellow pad.

She walks down to his room after by passing the nurses station. She knocks on his door for where Castle tells her to come in and sit down, he was sitting in his usual chair by the window having to be closed because of the cold temperatures outside.

He looks up from his notes on the yellow pad having to be working on a story for the "Devil's Advocate".

"How are you, Judith this evening, are you ready for tomorrow's session? He asked with concern mostly.

"I am ready, but I have no idea on how it's going to turn out in the long run with the session."

"I agree with you on that aspect of it Judith, I am just hoping for the best, however I am afraid for when it comes to those memories involving my abduction, I just hope everything will blow up into my face after that."

"And why do you say that Mr. Castle? She asked.

"I just hope god that I didn't do something foolish in the first place to have everyone shocked like with my wife Kate."

"Tell me something Richard, do you love your wife, the reason I asked, is the fact that your afraid of something that just might involved another women during the time you were gone for the two months?"

"That is the second time another woman has been brought the past two days in conversation." He said to Judith.

"Think about it, you were gone two months, anything could of happen during that time, including meeting up a woman that might of helped you escaped, along with your father for which you had mention to me and during the therapy."

"That is what I am afraid of Judith, and I hope to god that it doesn't happen, anyway to answer your question I do love Kate a great deal, the both of us have been through too much to give up now."

"Well anyway, I just came by to see how your doing, plus to let you know I was able to write down some of the details on the one person that has been in my vision all this time, however I haven't been able to see the man's face at all."

"Tomorrow you might be able to see that person that had killed to put you into this rehab center, just like what Adam Lane did to you."

Castle was starting to feel uncomfortable with her questioning about what Adam Lane did to him inside the stable. "I don't wish to talk about that Judith right now, I just don't feel right about it, maybe I will tomorrow once we get started."

"Castle, I know this is none of my business, you do know, it's bound to come out sooner then later, because the reason I say it, is the fact it might just hurt your marriage for when it comes to the intimacy part of it, between you and your wife Kate Beckett."

"That would destroyed everything between us, since sex has always been a large, of who we are in the first place, we have always had a great connection between on that aspect of our marriage and even before that."

"Well anyway I will go, please take care and continue writing to heal thy self is my motto, and for myself, at least I haven't given up my will to live like most folks I have known over the years."

"That is very true Judith, good night and sleep well, I will at least try to sleep after you leave without the using sedation to knock me out."

She leaves after giving him a quick hug...She was tire now having to arrive back into her room.

As for Castle, he finished the last of his notes on the yellow pad, taking off his robe, turns out the lights down very low, he gets under the blankets to fall asleep five minutes later.


	31. Chapter 31

.Chapter 31st Shadows Of My Mind

The next morning Dr. Jerome Middleton arrived at the rehab center feeling somewhat good after yesterday's day off, and he needed it a great deal to just be away from the center.

When he walked in to check with Anna Belle at the nurses station, he had asked on whether Jake was around, so that he can talk to him in regard to the session.

"Dr. Middleton, Jake is in his room preparing for the session to begin in two hours, I have already informed Mrs. Castle about 20 minutes ago, she will be here shortly to talk with you before it begins."

"Very well Anna Belle, I will go see Jake now before heading on over to my office." He walks over to the elevator to take it to the fourth floor.

When he arrived at his door, it was cracked open a little, as he asked to come in. Jake told him to come in to be seated that he will be with him in a moment.

He looks up from his notes. "How can I help you, Jerome?" He said.

"I just need to be sure that you won't be too rough on everyone today, I am worried about Richard Castle and Judith Smiths, that the both of them might crack under the pressure."

"Nonsense Jerome, your just being crazy that's all, and besides I have a feeling it's going to be interesting never the less."

"I am just expecting the worst, since Mrs. Castle will be attending the meeting with my permission, she understands in what might be happening any way, and she is prepared for the worst today.

/

It was some time later when Kate Beckett arrived to the rehab, she was looking for Castle's doctor when the nurse at the station, told her that he was visiting the moderator Jake Simmons for the special therapy session.

She told Mrs. Castle to either wait in his office, or go visit her husband before the session will start in an hour.

She went to see her husband, who was mostly upbeat after a great night of rest without having to wake up from his nightmares of Adam Lane.

"Rick, hey!, can I come in?" She was waiting for his reply, when he looked up from his yellow note pad.

"Sure, anytime Kate, and besides I missed you a great deal after having to leave last night." She walks over to kiss on his cheek having to be sitting on his chair.

He places the yellow pad onto the table next to him, to pull in his wife to hold her, along with wanting to play with her, by placing his hands under her blouse, she wasn't wearing a bar, he was able to hold onto her breasts swelling from excitement.

"Rick, I do hope you realize, the door is open, with anyone having to walk in any second, not that I don't mine having you play with me, among other things."

She goes to lock the door never the less. She goes to bend down in the front of her husband before placing her hands under his night gown before getting dress for the meeting.

She was loving every minute of it to make her husband happy in that aspect of his own well being and orgasm, for which she was able to take in fully without choking, she was done having to watch her husband's facial expression from the expression of love from her.

After a moment or two, he was able to gather up his thoughts before speaking. "Thank you sweetie, I realize just how much I missed that, even though it's only been a few days for when we were together."

"No problem, now I suggest you get yourself ready for the session, I will help you with getting dress."

/

Sometime later in the main conference area for the session was being held this time, there were 17 patients now included, along with six guests, plus Jake and Dr. Middleton.

Up first Jerry Anders age 43 tried to kill himself due to the stress of not to be able to find a job to his liking in the construction business, his wife had left him for another man, since she was always tired of supporting him.

"All right everyone let's get started, Jerry Anders is first, please come up and take your dummy."

Richard Castle stands up to ask him a question, while his wife looked on. "Mr. Anders, why do you think your wife actually left you in the first place, was it because of you not working, or the fact your wife was looking elsewhere for sex with another man to make her happy?"

He punches the dummy twice before answering the question. "I will say this, I had a problem in bed in performing, I knew that the stress of this from the accident, while I on the job to ruin my marriage, and I could never understand why in the first place after 15 years of marriage that went down the drain, and it's why I tried to take my life."

"Very good Jerry, would you say that your finally let go after realizing that your going to be like this for the rest of your life?" Jake asked in a serious tone.

"To answer your question, Yes, at least I know now that nothing can be done in the first place."

"Is there any thing else that needs to be said to the group here today?" He asked.

"Nothing more at this time." He walks back to his chair.

"All right then next is Judith Smiths, please come up with your yellow pad so we can discuss what is written on it"

She walks up, but first she punches the dummy several times before feeling better, she took a deep breath before talking.

"Dr. Middleton please come up as well, he will put Judith under for this session, to see she can see the person face while under."

He gets up from sitting with Mrs. Castle, who was very intrigued with the session so far.

After a few moments, Judith was very relaxed, she was asked by the doctor to write any details that needs to be written.

"All Judith, please go back to that time of the car crash, you have told me and Richard Castle on what the person was wearing that night, try and see his face, please break down each scene that is going on."

She starts drawing something on the paper, she is tracing in the type of hair for which is black with grey mixed in, slowly she sees his eyes trying to focus very hard, she starts to draw adding in the shape and color to be brown mostly.

"He's telling me to get away from him, or else I will be excused of killing the person inside, I did not listen to the man." She then is looking at his voice, his mouth to be somewhat round disfigured in a way, he was wearing a brown cap from what she can see. "OMG, He's telling me his name for some reason, he said it's Willis Reed, that's it!" She says to Jake and Dr. Middleton.

"Excellent, Dr. Middleton, please bring her out of the trance." He asked. A few moments later she wakes up to be feeling so much better having to finally remembered.

She woke to ask a question on whether or not the policed can be called to arrest the right person.

"Judith, we will be sure to call them and asked them about the laws in regard to this type of situation."

She went to sit down next to Richard Castle, he was next up.

"Next up Richard Castle, Dr. Middleton will be putting Castle under as well."

Richard Castle walks up to punch out the dummy twice before sitting in the front of the doctor.

Dr. Middleton was able to place Castle into a deep trance, with his pad he was asked to write anything down that was important.

"Richard can your hear me, I need to know where your at right now?"

"I am in Thailand with the group, we are told to watch for being fired at by the enemy, two of my buddies are injured."

"What happens after that Richard?"

"My father tells me to run towards the dingy before Jenkins comes after me, bu the does get of a shot at me to scrape my side, I see my father and a women screaming to get away quickly Rick."

"Who is the woman Richard?"

"I believe it's Rita, my father's wife, she tells me to run hard and fast, when Jenkins fires at me."

"What happens next?" He asked.

"I remember being in a camp or some sort of a prison, a woman is taking care of me with having been shot, along with a fever I have inside my body, I am shaking like a leaf for some reason."

"What is this woman doing to you, can you see what she looks like?"

Kate Beckett was sitting on the edge of her seat having to be listening to her husband talk, it was scaring her mostly on why now he was gone those two months.

"She is washing my body from the sweat of the fever that I have, along with giving me food and water, I believe she said her name is Sue Chang from Thailand, she was ordered to take care of me."

"Is there any thing else about her?"

"No, but I don't know what happens after that, since it was later I had met up with Jenkins in Montreal, Canada several times, including the time I was being beaten at the time I had made the three tapes to Kate, My mother and daughter Alexis."

Beckett was starting to cry, at hearing what he was saying.

"Richard, is there anything else, other then the fact that your been dealing with Adam Lane, can we discuss now in what he mostly did to you."

"What can I say to everyone including my own wife, was the fact that Lane raped me, he touched, played, use his mouth to go down onto my penis and suck it, while I tried to force him away from me, he even got me from behind to really hurt me, and I will be damn to have that ever happen to me again."

He starts punching the dummy really hard , along with starting to cry, it was at this point Kate Beckett came up to support her husband in what was done to him.

Dr. Middleton was able to have Castle come out of it, along with asking Mrs. Castle to take him to his room, while the rest of the session went on.

She takes his hand very slowly to walk him out of the conference room and back to his room.


	32. Chapter 32

.Chapter 32rd Shadows Of The Mind

Castle was a total mess having to be going back to his room with his wife. She didn't know what to do at the moment, but just hold him until he was finished with his crying.

Once she had gotten inside the room, she made the decision to lock the door, take her clothes off and get into bed with him, to show him that she loves him a great deal, no matter what might happens within the next few minutes.

And she didn't care right now, but only to see that her husband recovers from the latest setback.

She decided to just hold him, since he was not fighting her on it at this time.

"Rick, do you hear me, I am right here along side of you holding your body against me, I love you, Rick, and no matter what, I will support you most of all?"

He was starting to come around a little, having to be feeling her against his body. "Kate, I need you very badly, I am truly sorry, I had no idea, it would come to this point on what I did in Thailand, and I still don't remember all of the full details, including who was that woman in the first place."

"Look Rick, I realize your not responsible for your own actions, while you were gone those two months, but I do need to understand why it had to happen in the first place?

"I just don't know what to tell you, Kate, I am so mixed up at this point between the abduction, and what Adam Lane did to me." He says while touching her hair with both of his hands.

"Rick, I love you, I will stand by your side no matter what happens, understand ?" She kisses him very tender on his lips.

It was at this point, he takes her and places her onto the bed, while he places his whole body over her to start making love to her, but it was not gentle having to be hurting her a little for when it comes to her breasts and clit, taking his hand guiding his very hard manhood inside of her with the thrusting to make her cringe in pain instead of pleasure.

"Jesus Rick, your hurting me for god sake, PLEASE STOP!"

She pushes him away from being hurt again by him, she is crying from what he did to her. "I am so sorry, but you were hurting me, please understand!" She gets up from the bed, but she was stopped by him for where he wanted to be held very tightly for comfort like a child.

And it's exactly what she does for the next few minutes.

/

Dr. Middleton was not pleased at all with the way the session is going. There were two more patients that needs to be heard from. Judith Smiths was asked to leave, as with two others.

Finally after 15 minutes it was open, he needed to talk with Jake for when the next session was going to be. He waited for everyone to leave, with everyone that was left to say good bye to the doctor.

Jake walked over to him. "I told you Jerome, it was going to be interesting any way, including what came out with Judith and Richard Castle.

"You do know, we need to call the police, and have them come here, and let them know about this Willis Reed, and what he actually done instead of Judith having to been blame, I will call them when I get to my office." He said to Jake.

"And besides I have a feeling Mrs. Castle is going to have her hands full with her husband now, now that he suffered another setback with the session, I am somewhat really surprised with the woman that he mention."

"What were you expecting Jake, that he might of had sex with the woman, or even fathered her child?" He says direct with his statement.

"You do realize Jerome, that Richard Castle was still holding back in regard to what he was seeing with his memories, your going to have put him under again, much much deeper of a trance to bring out memories."

"There is the truth serum drug that I have used on occasion, but I will have to asked his permission to that in the first place, as with his wife."

"Then do it, before his life really gets screwed up in the long run, now if you excuse me I need to eat and take a nap Jerome." He gets up from his seat to leave the conference room.

/

Sometime later Dr. Jerome Middleton had called in the local police in regard to Judith Smiths.

When Captain Avery Spender arrived having to worked on the case, was given the full details on what had come out during the sessions. Captain Avery Spender said that he would get back to the doctor on whether or not they were able to find this Willis Reed, or rather he was arrested for his crime, instead of having Judith being blamed.

/

Kate Beckett was watching her husband now, he was able to go into the shower by himself after hurting his wife with attacking her body. When he had come out of the shower he was completely naked, she was able to help him get dressed, along with drying his hair and combing it, she noticed something else as well, she would help him in that aspect of it, with his permission, and he agreed with the shake of head.

It would take a few moments before he was able to have his release and afterwards to fall asleep in bed under the covers, she had mention to him earlier that she would be leaving to go home and rest, that she would be back in the morning to visit him.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33rd Shadows Of My Mind

Kate was not happy after what her husband had done to her, she was just too scared when it happened, along with the baby inside her stomach.

She just does understand why this had to happen to him in the first place, and for him to out right attack her body, it was like he was doing it because of Adam Lane, and his raping.

"OMG!" She says to herself with the fact that a man like Castle can actually can be raped in the first place by a man like Lane..

She very much needed to go home to the safe haven of her bed and sleep. When she started to leave, her husband woke up quickly to say, that he was truly sorry for what he had done to her in the first place.

She walks over for the last time to kiss him good bye for now. He looks up at her tearful expression, he tells her that he loves her a great deal, and no matter what happens during the next few therapy sessions.

Beckett walks out of the rehab center, with not saying a word to anyone, she was just plain pissed off at life right now.

/

Dr. Middleton wasn't in a good mood, when he finally arrived home after the session with his group, all he wanted to do was take a shower, eat and work on the computer to relax, but he did have a feeling, that someone was going to stop him anyway, and that is his wife Roberta.

But when he walked into the house, there was note telling him that his wife had gone shopping with friends, and won't be home until around seven o'clock, and to give him two hours to relax some what.

/

Local Police Station

Captain Avery Spender was having good luck with going through the mug shots and the computer database to look for a Willis Reed, he was able to find at an address that was still valid.

He asked for a briefing with three of his under cover teams to go check out the address for this Willis Reed.

He told them to be extremely careful, having once already kill someone over the past year, and if you find him, all of you are to arrest the man and bring him into custody.

"Does everyone understand my orders?" He asked while looking at the faces of his teams.

In unison every says okak to his orders on the arrest. "Now get out of here to get to work on find this Willis Reed.

/

Garden apartments

Willis Reed was coming home from working at the local Laundromat taking care of the place the past three years, it was basically slow from the previous night into the late afternoon, It gave him the chance to clean up before leaving until his relief arrived for the last eight hours.

He walked into his furnished apartment, even though nothing really fancy, he was very tired, as he was able to jump into the shower really quick, and then having to take a nap before dinner time.

Meanwhile just outside the apartment complex, the under cover officers were watching Willis Reed walked into the complex without having been noticed, it was him for sure, with having to check the photos from the computer and mug books.

Lt. Jack Daniels had made sure that his team was set with everything to storm the place, and when they did Willis Reed tried to run getting off his bed really quick, only to be stopped with gun fired over his head to be stop dead in his tracks.

His team went over to Reed to placed his hands behind his back with the cuffs, along with his rights. He didn't say all that much, but once outside and having to get inside the police car, he started to curse and spit at two of the officers near by.

They told him to shut his mouth or else while waving there weapon at his head to scare him. After that he was quiet as a mouse, while being taken to the 119th precinct.

/

Richard Castle was having a restless nap after his wife had left for the day, he needed to have some help from the nurse. He uses the call button to have Anna Belle come see him.

Five minutes later she arrives to ask him on whether or not he's all right.

"How can I help you, Mr. Castle?" She says to him looking concern.

"I need to sleep some, I can't seem to fall asleep with too much being on my mind, do you think I can have a sleeping pill or sedation to at least sleep for a few hours, after that I need to write."

"All right, I will be right back to help you, but in the meantime, why you start to write to get a head start."

"Good idea!" He says while taking the yellow pad.

 _"It's been a long hard road for me overall, I have come to a cross roads for where my life needs to be changed for the better."_

 _"However in regard to what went on in Thailand and in Montreal, Canada, I need to find out who exactly the woman was in my vision that had taken care of me with having been shot."_

 _"I have a bad feeling about it, since I have no memory of what went on during that time of my life, even Brad Pierson had said to me that I shouldn't pursue the issue"_

 _It was at this point Anna Belle comes back in with the sedation to have him sleep a little. "All right Mr. Castle, I will give you the shot in your behind to have it take effect really quick."_

 _He turns to his side to have her give the shot with the needle._

 _"I will be back in later to check up on you, I will make a note onto your chart for Dr. Middleton."_


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34th Shadows Of My Mind

Even though Castle was given the sedation, he still wasn't able to sleep any way with having just too much on his mind.

He was trying to remember really hard for when he was in Thailand, and who just might be the woman any way, or it was another one of those planted memories.

He had to stop doing this to himself, along with the fact in what he had done to his own wife, as if he was raping her for god sake. He just loves her a great deal to see this happening, along with wanting to have the baby that he wants so badly in his life as with Kate.

Since he wasn't able to sleep, he decided to try some writing.

/

It was around nine o' clock when Jerome Middleton finally arrived home, he needed to unwind having gone to have a few drinks by himself at the local tavern some five miles from the rehab center, he was not in the best of moods despite having to been drinking.

Hie wife Roberta having arrived home earlier from shopping and visiting friends, would not be all pleased that her husband would be drunk after today with the special session.

When he had walked into the house, she knew that something was not right at all with her husband, she walked over to him while heading for the bedroom, he was throwing his clothes onto the floor, for which he didn't care at all one bit at this moment.

"Jerome, what's going on with yourself this evening? She asked with great concern while touching his face very gentle.

"I don't know Roberta, I just felt that I needed some kind of a release after today, having to listen to Richard Castle today was just horrible, I just hope to god, he's going to able to come to terms with his life."

"Come on Jerome, you need to go into the shower to try and somber up a little." She pulls him along into the bathroom to start running the hot water making sure it was not too much for him to stand under.

After a moment she places him the shower, while she started to leave to do other things before coming back.

"Wait a minute, aren't you joining me this time around, and besides we have a baby to make." He says with a smile.

"Not in your shape you won't, you need to sober up first before even attempting to make love to me."

"All right then Roberta, I will stand under the hot water and just miss you a great deal while your gone."

She leaves having to smile to see that at least he's loosening up some what.

/

At the 119th precinct

Willis Reed had waived his rights to have a lawyer, he was able to confess to his crime and others from over the years.

Captain Avery Spender wasn't exactly happy, but he had gotten the right man, and a woman that had suffered for over a year having been placed in the rehab center.

Now all he had to do was finished up the paper work to be sent down town, along with going home finally for the evening to his wife and son.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35th Shadows Of The Mind

Captain Avery Spender decided to call the rehab center having to leave a message for Judith Smiths to let her know that she was off the hook. Willis Reed had been taken into custody with having to give a full confession.

When Anna Belle received the message, She had gone to see Judith in her room having not to be too late in the evening, to give her the message.

Anna Belle knocked on the door to make sure it was find to come into her room. She walked in with Judith having to be relaxing in bed with listening to the radio on the side of her bed. "Judith, I have a message for you from Captain Spender." She hands the message to her to read.

After a moment she smiles up at Anna Belle. "Finally after a year or so, I am finally free from this night more, I need to tell Richard Castle about this, that's if he's not sleeping."

"Come on, let's go find out, I have not checked on him in a few hours."

/

Richard Castle was awake in his room, after having woken from a short nap earlier, he was able to start writing on what had happened with the session earlier this morning, he was some what upset at the fact that there might be another woman in his life, that he just doesn't know about at all.

There was a knock on his door. He told who ever it was to come in.

Anna Belle and Judith walked in to tell Castle some wonderful news.

"Mr. Castle, I just received some great news from the police, they were able to find the right man that had killed that person last year during the accident, I am finally free and clear."

"Wow!, now this is great news, we should celebrate some time tomorrow or the next day, Anna Belle, do you think it might be possible to have a party of some sorts?" He asked really excited.

"I will have to speak with Dr. Middleton about it, and besides from what I understand, he's scheduled another special session with the group sometime tomorrow, but I will speak with him never the less."

"Judith, I will leave you two to talk for a few minutes, I will be right back, I have two other patients that needs to be checked on." She leaves the room.

"Mr. Castle, I would very much like to thank you a great deal for your help with my recovery and having me figure out who the man was while I was under with the therapy, now I can sleep better knowing that the right man has been caught."

"I am glad to hear that Judith, now all I need to do is figure what is going on with myself, and with this session tomorrow will no doubt be interesting never the less, and I just to god, my wife Kate will be able to forgive me."

"Well any rate, we just need to think positive Mr. Castle, and besides the both of us have been through a great deal."

"That's for sure Judith, but in the meantime, I will continue on with my writing, while I guess, you will probably do the same."

"Before I came here to see you, I was listening to country western music, I will go back to listen to it again, now if you will excuse me, good night Mr. Castle."

She leaves the room, while he's alone once again, he picked up his yellow pad to start writing...


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36th Shadows Of The Mind

 _In the heat of passion, Nikki Heat and her husband Rook tried there best to let each other in what they wanted for when it comes to sex. She might be a cop, but she has always had a problem in the bedroom for when it comes to her true feelings._

Castle was reading what he had written on the yellow pad, he needed to stop now having to be falling asleep in his chair at the late hour.

He needed to sleep now, for the fact the session is tomorrow, and he needs mostly is a clear head.

At this point in time, he might of verbally talked about it with what Adam Lane had done to him, with his body while he was down on the _ground inside_ the stable. But he needed to try and write it down, he couldn't right now.

He gets into his bed making sure that he is comfortable getting settled, it's at this point he falls asleep.

/

Two hours later in his dream state...

Adam Lane _is over his body ready to strike at him with the knife, he's too weak to move at this point, he's waving the knife getting closer to him, when he plunges the knife into his stomach, and then lightly cutting the side of his groin area, before grabbing and hurting very hard to hurt him while screaming out in pain._

 _It's at this point Adam Lane having to be truly sick, goes to rape him in his anal area to caused a great deal of bleeding from the heavy thrusting._

 _With the blood from both the anal area and his stomach, Lane decides one more time to truly hurt Richard Castle by going down on him, taking him fully into his mouth very hard._

 _It's at this point_ Richard Castle wakes up crying trying to control his breathing with the bad dream. He was shaking like a leaf, he tries not to call the nurse, since he's trying to break away from the sedation.

If and when ever he does go home on a part time basics, he wants to be sure that he's not addicted to the stuff.

He goes back to sleep again, but this time without a problem for the rest of the evening.

It was sometime during the night, the night nurse had come in a few times to check up on him, only to find that he was sleeping peacefully.

/

It was the next morning Dr. Middleton arrived early at the Rehab center, to finished up some of his paperwork before going to see his patients including Richard Castle.

After checking on his calendar, he had found that the session was schedule about 1 p.m. with ten patients, Jake, himself and Richard Castle.

But for now he needed work in his office before the fire works begin.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37th Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton was not looking forward to this session, he was not looking to put back the pieces for when it comes to Richard Castle, emotionally and mentally.

He needed to take a break from the mountain of paperwork, he decided to call his wife Roberta and check up on her.

/

Home...

Roberta having just gotten out of the shower after exercising, outside in the back yard doing yoga to loosen up her muscles, the weather outside was some what nice for the end of February.

She walks out of the bathroom, when she hears the house phone ringing, she goes to pick it up.

"Jerome, what's wrong?" Thinking that he doesn't normally call her this early.

"I needed to hear your voice, and besides I missed you, along with the fact that I feel, some what lost at the moment with today being Castle's big day in a few hours."

"Hon, you need to think positive during the session, jeez!, you two have been through a great deal already, why give up now?" She says with confidence.

"You know what!, your quite right, I am just acting crazy right now, along with being tired, I need to recharge with some food and coffee at the cafeteria before it starts?"

"Call me sweetie, when it's over." She replied.

"I will!, but first I need to call Kate Beckett, to make sure she is coming in the first place." He ends the call with his wife.

/

Loft

Kate Beckett was on her way out to the rehab center when her cell phone went off, she stop dead in her tracks at the entrance of the door. "Beckett!" She says to the caller.

"It's Doctor Middleton, I am just calling to confirm that your going to be there for the session Kate."

"I was just on my way over when you called, I will be there within the hour Dr. Middleton."

"Very good see you then Mrs. Castle."

/

12.30 P.M.

Jake went looking for Dr. Middleton, he was just walking onto the floor, when he sees Jake coming towards him.

"What's up Jake, is there a problem that I should know about at all?"

"Nope, the patients started to arrive, including Richard Castle and Judith Smiths, she is here for emotional support for Richard Castle, and before I forget, Mrs. Castle is here, she's inside talking with her husband."

"I hope to god that she is able to handle what happens today in that room Jake?"

"Me to Jerome, lets get inside to go over everything before we begin."

/

Inside the session.

Richard Castle wasn't saying all that much to his wife at the moment, he was ready to get this whole thing over with already. He was listed to be first with the session.

Jake calls everyone to attention giving the usual speech on how things are supposed to be. "Mr. Castle, please come sit with your dummy, while Dr. Middleton will be sitting in the front of you, he will be placing you under hynosis.

Castle gets up from his seat having to be watching over in the corner with his wife Kate looking on.

"All right lets begin." Dr. Middleton says to everyone. "Castle please look at the pocket watch that I have in the front of your face, concentrate on it, with listening to my voice."

He keep telling him to look at the pocket watch, as his eyes were starting to close, along with being really relaxed.

"Castle, can you hear me, I need for you to go back to the time you were being taken care in some form of a prison or hospital, do you happen to know who the woman is that's taking of you?"

"Yes, she's my adopted daughter Shonda, she's been kept from me, ever since she was born 25 years ago, my father has been keeping her in hiding all of these years, she was asked to help me to recover from being shot, I didn't know about all this, until the time I was abducted, my father and my mother had another child, they thought it was best for me to adopt her many years ago to help protect from his enemies from over the years."

"Mr. Castle, where is Shonda now?"

"I don't know, my father won't tell me, even though my mother has been trying to make contact with him on where she might be."

Kate Beckett was some what shocked by all this, she was thinking mostly the worst that he might of been her father by another woman other then herself, but to find out that his own father had taken her away from him."

"When you say that Shonda is adopted, were you married at the time?"

"Yes, I was married to Meredith, she knew, even though she or myself never saw her, since my father and mother had placed her into hiding, I was very young to take care of Alexis and Shonda at the same time."

"Mr. Castle, is it possible once you find her, would you and your wife be able to take care of her?"

"I would have to discuss it with my wife first before anything else."

"All right then, can we go back to the time, for when you were in Montreal, Canada with Henry Jenkins, is it possible in what he did, along with Adam Lane, is the reason you were really upset at the fact for being raped by both men?

Yes!" He was very quiet after that. Dr. Middleton decided to wait for a few minutes before deciding. He waived his hand to have Kate Beckett come over to him. She walks over very slowly and shaken.

"Listen, I need to end this now, tomorrow is another day, but what are you all right with this latest information?"

"In a way yes, I was thinking the worst that he might of been with another woman and fathered a child, but this, I can handle, and I would be sure that my husband would want to look for her, no matter how much money and time that it may take."

"Very well then, but I would like for you to stay with him, and do what ever it may take to make him understand, along with any type of sexual release that he may need."

"I understand, I just want my husband back!"


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38th Shadows Of My Mind

The minute the words came out of Beckett's mouth, that she wants her husband back, she needed to go see him and stay in his room, until she has the proper answers to her questions.

She was given permission, to stay as long as she likes, no matter what might happen.

She took the elevator to her husband's floor, when she walked off, her stomach was in knots from what had happened earlier.

When she finally arrives at his room, the door was opened, she could see him sitting in the chair, having to be looking out the window.

She walks in to lock the door. She slowly moves over to pull over another chair to watch out the window as well.

Her husband knows that she is there next to him, he takes her hand into his.

"You know Kate, I hate myself right now for what I have done in my life, and even more so with you and our marriage." Feeling somewhat remorse with his statement.

She gets up to knelt in front of him to hold him very tightly. "Look Rick, for god sake, you were young, your life back then was a total mess with having to be with Meredith, and your father having to use, you like that was not right at all!"

"I am so sorry, Kate to have, you think, probably that I was having an affair with someone during the time, I was missing for those two months."

He has her sit into his lap. "I love you, and I need to make sure that you understand on what had happen with Shonda, I need Kate, to find her no matter how long or how much money it will take to do the job."

He kisses her very hard to have her to return it back to him without having to push him back.

"Rick, listen to me, I will see what I can do with my connections, on whether or not, I or any others would be able to find her, as with Haley for one."

"My mother won't help, since she has been working with my father since day one, I have always wondered why my mother has acted strange sometimes over the years."

/

Colorado Rockies Sentinel Private School

Shonda Williams age 25 was working at the private school the last ten years, as a aide for one of the teachers in English and Math.

She is currently living in a commune with others to have a place to live and work to pay there freight.

Shonda has very few friends, she mostly keeps to herself, once she is finished for the day at the Sentinel Private School.

She has always wondered where or who, her adopted father might be. But for now she is willing to wait, no matter how long it may take.

/

Home of Jerome Middleton

After the session was over and seeing three of his patients, he decided that it was time to come home and be with his wife Roberta. After today, he would of never suspected that a adopted daughter would come out of all this mess, let alone having to find out that Richard Castle actually was not cheating in the first place.

Since there has been too much talk of babies, adopted daughters and etc, he was in need to make that baby with his own wife, he was ready never the less after today.

He had told his nurse and secretary that he was taking the rest of the day off, and was not to be bothered at home, unless it was an extreme emergency.

He walks into the house, it's quiet, since he knows that his wife is in the house, some where with her car having to be in the driveway.

Having taken off his shoes and jacket, he goes to the back bedroom, to find her laying down on the bed resting for a nap.

He needed to take a nap, having to be emotionally drained from the entire day. He takes off his clothes, not bothering to pick them up from the rug, he gets into bed on his side with a woman that he loves a great deal, he could see that she's awake and alert.

"Jerome, I love you, I must say, this is a wonderful surprise to see you home." She moves to climb onto her husband's chest, with him feeling her breasts against his chest. She could sense that something was surely wrong with her husband. "What's wrong?" Kissing his lips ever so tender.

"Sweetie, it turned out that Richard Castle didn't have an affair after all, but rather an adopted daughter that he took in from his own father and mother, his mother wasn't able to take care of her."

"That is just sad Jerome, does anyone know just where this girl lives now by chance?" She asked.

"Her name is Shonda, and no to answer your question at the moment, and besides I am no longer talking about it for the rest of the day and evening, I am here to spend time with my wife, to see if we can make that baby the both of us want really bad.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39th Shadows Of The Mind

Kate was listening to her husband snore in bed, after having two rounds of quiet sex to help, both herself and Castle to have his release, after the stress of going through the rough therapy session..

She had thought that having to fight his demons with Adam Lane was bad, but this latest information about Shonda was even more shocking, but at least it wasn't an affair, that was mostly on her mind, ever since her husband had disappeared.

She had gotten out of the bed, trying to not disturb her husband from waking up, she needed to go to the bathroom with the baby pushing on her bladder, plus the fact she needed a shower very badly.

She made it just find, but when she bumps into her husband having gotten up to follow her, she knew that he wanted to be need her, not wanting to be alone.

Now here she is again in a situation with a man that likes to touch, she was already sore from before, and now it's going to be worst.

He had her up against the shower door pushing himself up into her, having to be some what rough this time around, she needed to do something before he winds up hurting her and winds up in the hospital.

"Rick!, stop!, your hurting me, please..." She looks up at his face, seeing those torment eyes of his, it would seem that he was having some sort of an issue for when it comes to Adam Lane.

 _"Kate!, I can't help myself, I need to revenge Lane for what he did to me." He stops the punishment into her body, but he takes her in other ways by kissing her very roughly, starting with her lips, moving on down to her breasts and then finally..._

 _She stops her hand to push him away from her_. It's at this point, he starts to cry falling down onto the wet tile floor, having to be a real mess emotionally and mentally.

She knelt down to try and help him up from the tile floor, he was able to get up holding onto the sides. She goes to hug him for the comfort, she wasn't going to give up now on him, despite what he was trying to do.

She needed to have one of the nurses know on what was happening with him, he was far from recovering and leaving the rehab center, even on a part time basics.

"Rick, listen to me, I am going to take you back to the bed, but first I need to dry your body off from the water, you can't be getting sick now with a cold, with everything going on with yourself."

"Are you leaving me Kate, I don't want to be left alone tonight, please stay!" He begged her while this time placing a soft, gentle kiss on her stomach for where the baby bump is.

"I will stay Rick, but I need to make sure the nurses know what had happened, maybe they will be able to give you sedation, to help you sleep some what better."

She dries him and herself off, along with getting dressed, before going out to the nurses station, but first she needed to make sure her husband is in bed and comfortable.

/

"Mrs. Castle, I will to inform Doctor Middleton of this matter, this is not a good sign, no matter how you see it in your eyes." Anna Belle says to her while talking in the waiting area.

"I understand Anna Belle, but for now, I will be staying the night, to keep him company, and the minute he tries anything, I will call, but it would be a good idea to make sure that he is given the sedation, just in case, he has another episode of sorts.

"Very well then, I will see to it, that he is given the sedation Mrs. Castle."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter forty Shadows Of My Mind

Once Kate Beckett had left the rehab center, she called Martha Rogers, to see if on whether she was available to come see her at the Loft, she needed to get to the bottom of this entire nightmore.

Beckett was in her vehicle on the side of the curve, when she placed the call. After the third ring, she finally picked up.

"Hello!, Kate is that you calling me?" She is hollering a little having to be in the back of the stage.

"Martha, I am sorry to be bothering you at this late hour, but I need to see you right away, once your done working."

Martha could sense that something was very wrong with Kate's voice on the phone. "What's wrong Kate?" She asked.

"Shonda Williams, is what wrong?, I need for you to finally come clean on why you were keeping her a secret from everyone including my own husband."

"So it's finally out in the open, I would assume that Richard finally remember about his adopted daughter, it's a long story Kate, but I can say you probably know most of the story by now?"

"Why Martha the big charade?

"Why?, because of Jackson and his connections with the C.I.A. and all of the enemies that he developed from over the years, we needed to protect her from all that, even though Richard really wasn't involved with her having to grow up, since he had his own life to lead."

"I still need to talk with you tomorrow, I am just plain exhausted about this entire affair."

"I will drop by in the morning, unless your planning on going to see Richard at the Rehab center?"

"At the moment, I have no idea, until after I talk with his doctor on the next stage of his recovering."

"And what do yo think that will probably be Kate?" She replied with all of the workers passing her to get have things ready for the next scene.

"Dr. Middleton is thinking of sending Rick home on a part time basics, but with this latest setback, I have no idea at the moment, I just can't think straight, I need to get home and sleep, Martha, I will see you in the morning."

"Of course Kiddo, I am just sorry about all this, good night!"

The minute Kate Beckett ended the call, Martha Rogers got on the cell again to send a coded message to Jackson Hunt having to be in California the past few weeks, she needed to speak with him about his son Richard and Shonda.

/

Richard Castle was having a very hard time, trying to sleep despite, having been given the sedation, once his wife had left to go home.

 _He was having a flash back for when he was in Montreal, Canada with Henry Jenkins, it was just after he had made the three messages to Kate, Alexis and his mother. He was afraid that his men would come back to beat him up once again._

 _And they do with having to tied him to the pole inside the building, his legs were spread apart tied. Jenkins tells the two men to start hitting him with the whip, hitting his back and front, since all of his clothes were taken off him._

 _Castle was trying to break the ropes, but he was doing damaged to his wrists to have them bleed, along with his ankles, he could not take much more of the beatings._

 _It was at this point, Jenkins came up to him,to pull his hair to bring up his face to slap him very hard, having to knock his body back to hurt a great deal._

 _One of Jenkins men came up to place a black hood over his head, so that he could not see, what they were going to do to him with the torture._

 _A long prong was placed in the back of Castle for where he could feel the pressure, with the man pushing the rod into his anal area very hard to cause a great deal of pain and blood to have his scream, while the second man came in the front of him to take his private parts into his hand to squeeze them very hard, it's at this point that Richard Castle passes out._

Screaming could be heard from Castle's room, when one of the aids in the hallway went running to get some help quickly.

Anna Belle having to be at the nurses station ran very hard, along with the aids to help calm down Castle _. He was screaming at the top of his head from a very bad episode._

She goes to take the syringe from her pocket to inject him with the shot, with help from the aids to get him placed down in his bed. "I need to call Dr. Middleton, just be sure he's fine after I leave to make the call."

"Of course Anna Belle!" She leaves for the nurses station having to meet up with the other employees asking on what just happened.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41st Shadows Of My Mind

Castle having still to be shaking some what from the dream, despite having the sedation from Anna Belle, she had turned on the over head monitor to check on his heart rate and blood pressure, she could tell by not looking, that his heart rate and blood pressure was up.

/  
She tries talking very softly to her patient, making sure that he can hear you in a soft whisper.

/

Anna Belle was feeling sorry for the mystery writer, with all that he has gone through the past few weeks.

/

Its a real shame that some one like Adam Lane had to totally screwed up Castle's mind and body. One thing for sure, he's going to be needing a great deal more therapy for when it comes to the nightmares he keeps having, along with the latest information that had come out of the session.

/

After being given a extra dosage of the sedation, for which Anna Belle tried her best to calm him down, but after a few moments.

/

Castle finally fell asleep taking into account, that he won't wake up again later.

/

Martha Rogers having arrived home at her Manhattan apartment, she was receiving a message from Jackson Hunt from California.

/

"Martha, will be coming out of hiding for a few days to see you and my son Richard, we need to finally settle this matter, I am just sick and tire of running away from my enemies."

/

She could not believe it after 30 plus years, he's coming to his senses for when it comes to his son, along with Shonda.

/

She needed to sleep after the long day, but first she would jump into the shower to loosen up her old bones.

/

Roberta had turned off Jerome's cell phone, so that he would not be bothered with his sleep, she looked over at her sleeping husband, she was still upset at the fact that his patient had another set back.

/  
She was thinking, while getting out of bed to make something quick to eat, on what else could be done with Castle and his issues?"

/  
But as it turned out, Jerome woke up after she left the bed, to follow her into the kitchen area, without his clothes on.

/  
"I am sorry if I woke you, but really, you need to put on a robe or something, it's a little bit nippy outside."

/  
"I know of one way on how to warm up quickly." He moves in behind his wife to hold her before doing his magic with her body. "How about we try again to see if the little fishies are able to swim this time?

/  
She laughed at him with his sense of humor, but he was right in a big way, and before she knew it, she had a man that was all over her in every way.

/

Castle's dream Sometime later Richard Castle had gone to have his friend Jerry give him the vehicle, so that he can get back to his wife having to be hiding from Senator Bracken, but when he made it back, it was almost too late, having to found her outside of the room with blood coming from her head.

/  
He had gone inside two of Bracken's henchmen dead and with Bracken, no where to be found.

/  
The scene switches again for where he's in Thailand trying to get away from Pierson, all he knew that he had to get away quickly, but in that instant, he felt the bullet graze his side, before falling into the dingy to move off into the water.

/  
He woke quickly after the dream sequence, but at least he did not wind up screaming his brains off this time. He tries to fall back to sleep, but after a few moments, he does.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty Two Shadows Of My Mind

Jackson Hunt after speaking with Martha on the phone, he caught the first flight out from L.A. to see his son Richard in the hospital.

He was taking a big chance by exposing himself now, with all of Loksat's men having to be looking for him during the past year.

His son was more important at the moment, along with his daughter Shonda being placed for adoption, only made sense to have Richard take care of her, when she was young.

However now things have changed, now that Richard's memories have surfaced, makes it so much more dangerous to stay alive for himself, Richard and his wife Kate Beckett.

He decided to call Kate in New York having to be really late, he would leave a voice mail to let her know that he was coming to see Richard at the rehab center.

But he was surprised when she picked up sounding really tired.

"Hello!" She listened to who it was before saying anything else further.

"Kate, it's Richards father Jackson, Martha called me to let me know with what has been going on." He says in his usual gruff voice.

"I hope you realize that your taking a big chance coming here in the first place, and the fact that Loksat's people are probably been keeping an close eye on the situation between me and my husband."

"I have no choice in the matter now Kate, Shonda has been exposed, and I need to make sure that she is protected from my enemies?"

"When will you be here?; I can have you stay at the loft for at lease a few days, I will make sure to have a few of my men keep a close watch out, just in case someone tries to make a move on you."

"I will need to go now, my flight is starting to be boarding in a few minutes, I will rent a vehicle, when I get in to head for the loft, please be sure to leave the door unlock in four hours from now."

"All right, but for now, I will call the watch commander, and let him know on what is going on at the moment."

The call ends, she dials the 12th precinct. Captain Jerald Anderson having to be in his office picks up the phone, seeing that it's Captain Kate Beckett calling at this late hour.

/

Castle having been checked by Anna Belle for the last time of the night, before the new shift comes on, she had made sure that Richard Castle was asleep after the bad episode he had earlier.

She noticed that he was writing once again in regard to his new novel The Devil's Advocate. She went to read the first series of words written.

 _Today the devil was trying to take over my mind and body, with this happening at the time, I was with my wife trying to love her in a way, I can never really expressed._

 _But when I had wound up raping her to a point, she had to push me away with having to be scared for her safely and the unborn child._

Anna Belle could not believed in what she had just read by the mystery writer. She needed to get out of the room, having to make her feel uncomfortable for when comes to discussing the devil.

After checking one last time his vitals, while checking the monitor, she left for the nurses station to make the final notes onto his chart.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty Three Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton was on his way over to the rehab center for the day, it's going to be interesting on whether he could decide to have his patient Richard Castle go through another one of those sessions, or have him go home for a limited basics.

He needed to speak with Jake and the rest of his staff to confer with a meeting in his office, once he arrives.

Having to reach the gate, he checked in with the guard, for which he waved him on, and into the main parking lot having to be filling up.

His secretary was waiting for him with all of his messages from the morning, including Mrs. Castle, no doubt wanting to know, on whether it was all right to show up for the next session.

He drops his briefcase onto his office desk, while telling her to place a call to Kate Beckett.

At the loft...

Beckett was getting up, she was expecting any moment her husband's father from California, she had left the front door for him to walk in, while she waited at the kitchen counter having a ginger ale and toast, her stomach has been flipping on her, ever since she had woken.

It was at this particular moment, for when her cell phone was going off, she had placed it on the counter. She goes to answer it, since she knew it wasn't Jackson. "Beckett!" She says to the caller.

"Kate, it's Doctor Middleton, how are you this morning?"

"I could be better Doctor, my stomach is some what upset from the morning sickness, among other things, by the way how did everything go with my husband last night after I had left the center?" She could sense that something might of gone wrong.

"I am afraid to say that your husband had a real bad episode, my staff had a little bit of trouble of trying to calm him down with giving him an extra dosage of sedation, Richard Castle even scared Anna Belle, in the way he was talking, and what he had written."

"My god!, I should of suspected that something might be wrong with all that talk about the devil and Adam Lane, what about today and the session?"

"I will know later in the staff meeting, on what everyone decides to do, I would opt to continue on with the sessions, but at a better control medium instead of a group."

"By the way Dr. Middleton, Castle's father is coming in from California very soon, he wants to visit him, along with myself, we will be coming, once he gets to the loft from the airport."

"I will be sure to let my staff know of the visitor, I will look for you and Castle's father, please warm him in regard to the total situation with his son, Take care until later."

He ends the call, Beckett turns around to see Hunt standing in the door way to really put her on guard. "Jesus, you really scared the hell out of me, and without making no noise at all." She gets up to give him a quick hug, even though she should be slapping him in the face instead.

"What's this I should know about my son, other then the fact that I don't already know?" Walking to sit down onto the couch to relax.

"Your son suffered another set back last night, and I am mostly hoping with you going to see him, will no doubt be able to help in his road to recovering."

"I just hope, it won't be too late, before his mind is completely burnt out by what Adam Lane had done to him most of all?"

"I agree with you, on that part of your statement, but for now, we just wait on the doctor to call later to give us permission to come see him, while we are waiting, are you tired from the flight, why don't you use the guest bedroom to sleep a little, I will be doing the same, since I didn't get home from the center until very late."

"I could use the shut eye, I have been going nonstop the past few days with all of my activities going on in California with the Loksat's organization."

"You can use Martha's old room to sleep, later I will be sure to hear something by then."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter Forty Four Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton having to be speaking with his superiors on the phone, he was not pleased to the fact that, they wanted Richard Castle to continued with the special therapy, instead of being sent home on a part time basics.

"Look Jerome, we just can't send the man home, not knowing just what might happen during a episode, when he's alone, at least, when he's here at the center, he can be closely watched, along with any type of damage, that he can might wind up doing in the first place." He replies to his long time friend.

"I realize Scott that Castle has come a long way from when he was first brought in a real mess, but now he's way better, both physically and mentally."

"Is he really Jerome!, I suggest, you leave it alone for another few more weeks, we just need to make sure, he will be fine on his own, understand my friend?"

"I will for now Scott, however I have Mrs. Castle and Castle's father coming over later to visit, maybe he will be able to help a little."

"Just keep me posted on Richard Castle's well being, all right?" He ends the call. Jerome Middleton was not happy at the moment, for when it comes to his patient.

/

Loft

After a few hours of sleep, Jackson Hunt was walking down the stairs feeling somewhat refreshed, he was able to see that Beckett was up as well making some kind of food in the kitchen area.

"Are you hungry?" She was making some kind of eggs and potatoes on the burners.

"Actually, I could use a bit to eat, the food that was on the plane was just horrible, even for first class service."

Beckett laughs at him in regard to the comment. She hands him the plate with the eggs, toast, juice and the potatoes.

"Tell me Hunt, what's new on the front out west in regard to the Loksat's organization?"

"Other then the fact that every enemy in the world, wants to destroy the organization, along with the number four man James Whitmore in charge of the West Coast warehouse district for when it comes to the drug deliveries."

"The last thing I heard with Vikram helping me out, was that the cocaine shipments, had been delayed due to non payment.

"That's right Kate, but that has now changed with the extra funding having been found, by the way when can we go see my son at the rehab center?"

"I will call his doctor right now, and find out what is going on." She grabs her cell phone from the kitchen counter.

Dr. Middleton was in his office finishing up the last of his calls, when Mrs. Castle number came up on the caller I.D.. "Kate, did you get any sleep after leaving late last night?"

"I was able to get in a few hours, listen Dr. Middleton, Castle's father is here, he wants to know, on when he can come see him today."

"Come by any time, Castle's session will be tomorrow, to give him time to recover, along with the fact, he will be alone this time with myself and Jake in attendance, it's what my superiors want for the time being."

"We will be coming soon, once we are done having our late brunch, is there anything else that I should know about?"

"At the moment, I can't think of anything for the moment, just be sure to check in with the nurses desk before going over to his room."

"Thank you, we will be seeing you soon."


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter Forty Five Shadows Of My Mind

Kate was driving Castle's father to the rehab center, she was not in a rush to get there in the first place.

Hunt started up a conversation with her to keep her mind off the issues at hand with her husband and his son.

"I don't Kate, on whether you know this or not, with you mentioning Vikram, you do know, he works for the Loksat organization the past five years?" He says to her driving slowly in the traffic.

"I had my suspicious that he might be, I just haven't been able to find the proper evidence to connect him at this time, however I am getting close."

"If you want evidence, I can give it to you, and much more!" Hunt says with pulling out a computer disc from his leather black jacket.

"What's this Jackson?" While she moves off to take the side road towards the rehab center.

"When you get the chance, take a look at it in your office or anywhere safe, that Vikram will not know, with what is going on, lets just say, it's enough evidence to take down the entire Loksat's organization."

"When I am ready, I will make my next move, but for now, I have other issues to worry about now, with Rick and the baby coming." Stopping at the guard, while he waves them on to move up into the parking lot half full.

"That is why Kate, you need to protect yourself because of those two factors."

"Were here, we need to check in with the nurses station, before going over to see Rick." When they arrive at the nurses station, she found Anna Belle working on the computer terminal making notes on the different patients. "Anna Belle, did Dr. Middleton say anything about myself and Castle's father coming to visit today?"

"He left orders for the both of you, to go see him with caution, and if there are any problems, to let us know right away Mrs. Castle."

"I understand Anna Belle completely, let's go!" She says with nervous energy.

/

Richard Castle having to be sitting in his usual chair by the window, when someone is knocking at his door that is cracked open a little.

He looks up to see his wife Kate and someone he's not seen in awhile. Jackson Hunt walks up to his son to shake his hand, instead of a hug, not knowing what type of reaction he would get from him.

"How are you, Richard, it's been awhile?" While pulling up a chair to sit next to him, while Kate Beckett was watching the scene between the both of them.

"I have been better Dad, how was flight from California?"

Hunt was watching his eyes, it seem that he was on some strong medication at the moment to keep him calm some what.

"Uneventful never the less, but I am here to visit you, and say that I am truly sorry, for what had happen to you with Adam Lane, I just hope to god! soon Richard, you will be coming home for good."

"I am hoping as well Dad!, but from what I understand, Dr. Middleton wants to keep me a little while longer, because of the episodes, I keep having all of the time."

"Rick, did the doctor say, when is your next session will be for sure? Beckett decided to say something before her nerves wind up getting worst.

"Sometime tomorrow I believe Kate, Dad, will you be here tomorrow to watch the session?" He asked very calmly to the both of them.

"That is up to your doctor Richard, and besides we will probably find out later, after we are done with visiting you."


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46th Shadows Of My Mind

Castle was feeling some what numb talking to his father and his wife Kate, giving him all that sedation. Even his own father could see that this was not living at all, but rather prolonging it.

When Anna Belle had come in to see how they were doing, Jackson asked her on whether it was necessary, to keep him drugged up that much.

"At this point Mr. Hunt, I would hate to see that Richard Castle would suffer a real bad episode in the front of you, and believe me, it's not a pretty sight to see at all, Mrs. Castle knows the deal for when it comes to her own husband." She says directly from her own gut.

"Thank you for being honest anyway, in that aspect for when it comes to my son." Hunt went to pick up the yellow note pad to see what his son had written.

 _I am trying everyone to come to terms with my own devil inside of me, I would hate to think that I have turned into that monster that Adam Lane had become, from over the years._

 _I need for my father and wife Kate to forgive me for what I had done in the past, present and future, I just hope to god to understand my own destiny, for when it comes to knowing the truth of the matter._

Jackson Hunt couldn't believed in what he just read, looking at his daughter in law to understand.

"Do you know in what he's talking about Kate?" He asked looking at his son looking out the window with a blank stare.

"From what I can gathered, it has something to do with Shonda, his abduction, and having to be fighting the devil Adam Lane, I still get the feeling, there is more to the story in regard to his missing two months."

"I wasn't with him of those two months, however I do know, he was Brad Pierson in Montreal, Canada, before he was taken abroad some vessel heading for Thailand."

"What about the time Rick was in the prison with Shonda, when he was being taken care of from the fever and the gun shot wound? She says with remorse in her voice.

Hunt moves away from the window to be directly in front of Kate Beckett. " I was only with him a week, before I had to leave for a new mission from my superiors, even though things have changed."

"I know this might be a long shot Hunt, do you think that something that I did in the past with Senator Bracken, might be some part of the cause?"

"Bracken is dead Kate, Loksat's own people in the organization saw to that, along with several high authorities in the United States government and overseas."

"I just hoped to god with Rick, this entire mess gets cleared up soon, I just don't know how much longer, I can survive this, along with himself, look at him now, a shell of a man with no meaning to what real life should be like."


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47th Shadows Of My Mind

The situation with her husband was getting stranger with each day, along with just too may questions, for when it comes to his abduction after all this time.

And now that Castle's father is here to visit him, more questions keep arising. Along with the question as to the fact, to why Hunt is actually here in the first place?

When the word that had gotten out during Castle's session, That Shonda existed, including who is going to be next to come out of the closet?"

"It's bad enough I had mime, ever since I was 19 years old, with the murder of my mother, even though later finding out that Senator Bracken and Loksat having to be behind it.

Hunt decides to walk out of his son's room to only come back in a few minutes later. "What's wrong?" Beckett asked him with that strange look on his face.

"I just don't like this at all Kate, with Richard doped up like a zombie, maybe when he has his next session, he is going to be in better shape to talk with us."

"Look!, I need to find out more about Rick's abduction, ever since I found out about Shonda and the other details, I have been feeling really uneasy about all this." She says really concerned for her husband's welfare.

"Not only for Richard, but for yourself and the baby, I just hope to god, my enemies won't go after you, in regard to this fact."

/

Meanwhile...

Dr. Jerome Middleton having to be finishing up the last of his paper work, decided to check on his patient Richard Castle, along with having a chat with his father. When Kate Beckett had first told him about his father, he just could not believe it, his father works for the C.I.A for over 30 years, and has developed a number of enemies from over the space of time, it's no wonder Richard Castle is so screwed up with his life.

Leaving his office after checking with his secretary, he walks down to Castle sitting in his chair with his wife and father looking on.

"Oh there you are Doctor Middleton, I would like you to meet Jackson Hunt, Rick's father." Jerome extends his hand to shake his, Hunt moves over to let the doctor to get a better view of his patient.

"Before I forget Kate, Castle's session will be tomorrow morning after breakfast, it's going to be myself, Jake and Castle, your both welcomed to join in."

"We will be sure to be here bright and early, but tell me Doctor, why the heavy sedation to keep my son like a zombie, he's barely able to understand with what is going on at the moment?"

"It was for the fact, your son suffered a very bad episode with nightmares, I just don't want to take the chance, that he might wind up hurting himself again."

"Thank you for being very direct with me, I just hope the entire nightmare will be over soon?" He says before looking at the time with his watch.

"I agree with you mostly, this has not been easy for anyone, including Mrs. Castle."

"I never expected that Adam Lane could stir up so much trouble, and with him having his last laugh before dying by my hand in that stable."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter Forty Eight Shadows Of My Mind

Castle's father had asked Kate, on whether or not she had read any of the writings, he had written on the yellow pads before leaving his room.

"Actually I have Hunt, Dr. Middleton tells me, it's his way in expressing himself, most of it deals with Adam Lane, otherwise it keeps him busy with his writing, once he gets out of here finally, he will have several pieces to turn into Gina with a new Nikki Heat and Devil's Advocate series."

"At least my son has not been wasting his time here in the process, I just hope that his publisher won't be too harsh on him, having to be here in this place?"

"Gina is a fair woman, she understands the complete picture, in regard to what happened to my husband, and besides I was able to turn some of his work in to her, with his permission of course, before his condition had gotten worst." She says while touching her husband's hair. "Rick, we need to go now, I will be back to sit with you for a few hours, do you understand me, Babe?"

He shakes his hand to confirm with her, along with taking her hand. She bends down to him in the chair to place a quick kiss to his cheek before leaving. She goes to whispered something into his ear. "I love you!" Before walking out into the hallway with Castle's father.

"Look, I need to speak with Dr. Middleton in his office, you can keep your son company or wait in the car for me."

"Let me have the keys, I will wait in the car for you, and besides, it will give me the chance to make a few phone calls."

/

Dr. Middleton having to be in his office talking with his Roberta for a few minutes before heading to the doctors for a check up. He was hoping the news would be good, in regard to his wife, finding out that she is finally going to be having a baby.

"Jerome, please wish me all the best, I know it's something that we both want a great deal."

"That's for sure Roberta, call me later either way." She ends the call, before walking out the door making sure, she had the keys to the car.

It was at that particular moment Kate Beckett knocks on his door, he gets up needing the exercise to open it for her.

"How can I help you, Kate? Asking her to sit in the front of his desk piled sky high with patients charts.

"I will be back later, to sit with my husband, maybe by then the sedation will wear off, and he's able to talk with me, instead of acting like a total zombie."

"You know the reason why Kate, it had to be done with your husband, however I had ordered in his chart to cut back on the sedation, hopefully he will be fine later and tomorrow for the special session, and besides did he say a word to his father?"

"Nothing Dr. Middleton, just a blank stare, I have a feeling that he will soon for when it comes to Jackson Hunt and his motives."

"And what makes you think that he has a motive in all this Kate?" He asked with a serious tone in his voice.

"When it comes to Hunt and his son, there is always something behind it, no matter what you may think, I need to go, but I will be back later, will you be here when I come back to see him?"

"Probably not!, my wife and I will be going out to celebrate, she went to see her Obstetrician, there is a good chance she might be having a baby to make me really happy, I have lost a number of hours sleeping." She chuckled at his statement, having to be so true for the most part.

"I am very happy for you, Doctor Middleton, anyway talk to you soon, and enjoy your celebration no matter what the answer may be."

/

Dr. Joan Waterson long time Obstetrician/gynecologist at the clinic was giving the wonderful news to Mrs. Jerome Middleton in her office after being checked with the tests.

Dr. Waterson having to be in her late fifties, married with two teenagers. "Roberta, I must say, are are a lucky lady today, all of the tests show positive your going to be having a baby." She says with quiet concern for her patient.

"However because of my age, I will need to be very careful with staying off my feet for the most part."

"Yes Roberta, besides eating better, taking your vitamins, and having your check ups to keep an eye on the growth of the baby, among some of the things that is needed to look for with you."

"Thank you with the news, I know my husband Jerome, will be excited for when I give him the news, now maybe he will be able to sleep better, without me, having to always be bothering him in the process." Dr. Waterson laughed at the statement, having to be quite true in what she said to her.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49th Shadows Of My Mind

Since Castle's sedation was cut back some what with orders from the doctor, he was starting to feel like his old self, along with wanting to really write.

With everyone gone for now, even though he couldn't really remember, on whether his wife was going to come back later to stay with him, he will have to ask the nurse, for when he sees Anna Belle, or anyone else.

But for now he picked up the yellow pad to began writing.

 _There was an issue at the precinct with everyone having to be on full alert, Captain Heat had ordered Rook to go out in the field with other officers, to find out what has been going on._

 _There was a bomb scare happening at the ball field in Central Park to have all precincts in the area on red alert._

Captain Heat having received a special notice _from the F.B.I. on some freedom rebel group having to be in the United States to cause a problem._

 _Her team having to be well trained, was asked to help out in the process, with trying to figure out there next move, having to be seen in the area of New York City._

 _There was nothing more to do for her and the team to but wait and see what happens._

It was at this moment Richard Castle was some what stuck with the next scene.

For some odd reason his brain started to tell him something _._

 _Castle all of a sudden found himself in the middle of a field, somewhere in Thailand with his buddies, they were ordered from someone on the radio, to head for the main city to look for one of their own that was injured, and needed to be brought back to the States._

 _He could not understand why at the moment, having to been in the cross fire with a rebel group._

 _All he does remembered, was the fact that blood was all over the vehicle they were in at the moment._

 _After that everything was a blur to him and why he had to be the one chosen for the mission in the first place._

He was starting to get tire after looking down at the yellow pad, in regard to what was written in the first place.

He went to take a look at the time, he needed to sleep a little before anything else, but first he had made sure the pad was placed down near the window having to closed them with the temperatures dropping.

/

Roberta was elated to finally have something, that she always wanted in her life besides being married to Jerome, was the fact to become a mother for the first time.

She had called her husband at the rehab center, however, she was told that he was in a meeting with one of his newest patients, and could not be bothered until afterwards.

She would wait for him to call back once he was finished going over the case with his patient.

Having to be some what tired from all of the running around, she decided that a short nap would help some what, until she heard from her husband.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter Fifty Shadows Of My Mind

Roberta could not wait to finally arrive home, she had knew that her husband would be leaving soon from the center.

She really wanted to celebrate with him this evening, by taking him out for dinner, instead of staying home after a long day at the rehab center.

She was in the bedroom trying to decide what to wear, just in case he does agree to her idea in the first place.

She didn't realize while she was changing clothes, her husband was watching her from the bedroom entrance chuckling at her. She looks up to say something to him.

"What's so funny Jerome?" Walking over to him at the bedroom entrance.

"You!, I have never seen you so happy in regard to the news about the baby." He replied to her question. "By the way, if by what your doing with changing into different outfits, I would not mind going out for a little while to celebrate." Placing a tender kiss onto her cheek before taking her into his embrace.

/

Kate Beckett had left Hunt at the Loft to rest, while she drove back later to stay with her husband for a little while at least.

Even though she had a nap earlier, she was some what still tired. She would not be staying long, with the session having to be tomorrow for her husband.

She really was getting scared now. What more else was there to be uncovered with this entire nightmare? She had asked herself, while walking into the center to stop by the nurses station first before anything.

Castle having woken earlier from his nap, along with having to eat his food, even if not his type for a place like this, it would do to have him stay alive.

Getting dressed, he goes to sit down in the chair to add a few more lines of his story.

 _Captain Heat had to make a decision to have everyone involved with the latest bomb scare in Central Park, even herself, she would be supervising in the field to help find any clues to who is or will be responsible._

 _Walking around, she would be stopping her officers including Jamieson Rook for anything that might be important._

 _She could see that the crowd was being forced back to stay behind the barriers, along with the tv reporters and cameras._

 _It's at this moment, she spotted something flashing coming from the ball field, she hollered for everyone to stay down on the ground, just in case it was a bomb in the first place._

 _A minute later...There was an explosion._

Kate Beckett was watching her husband for the few minutes write something on the yellow pad, he was engrossed for the most part, until she finally was able to get through to him _._

"Jesus Rick!, It's amazing, you weren't able to hear me for those few minutes, you were writing."

"Kate, I am sorry, would you like to read what I just wrote?" He hands her the yellow pad. After a few moments, she just could not believe it! " It's a Nikki Heat passage from your new novel "Killer Heat"!

"Yes, I was just about to write in the details, when my concentration was broken." Getting up to have her sit down on the chair, while he gets into the bed.

"I do hope to god!, there will be good ending to the bomb scare, but after reading about the explosion, it was just giving me goose bumps?"

"I don't know Kate, I haven't gotten to that point with the story, now come here sit with me in bed, so that I can at least kiss my wife." Padding the bed with his hand to have her come over like a little child.

"I must say that I am impressed, the sedation that they were giving you, was just too much to actually to keep you down from the land of the living." Before moving into his body to kiss him with such tenderness from both parties.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter Fifty One Shadows Of The Mind

Kate was elated to have her husband again, all that sedation really had messed him up a great deal. She was watching him write in the bed this time, just enjoying the entire scene from the chair.

He was trying to figure the next scene with finally a clear head for the most part.

 _Heat could not believe it the damage that was done to the area from the explosion, she was lucky to see only a few bodies on the ground near the stands, everyone was running around to check on the injured._

She was looking for her husband around, but after a moment, she saw him helping the others getting to a safe area, she can hear the sirens from the entrance of the park, coming to get through the crowds and reporters having just arrived.

After a moment, Rook covered in dirt, came over to check _on his wife Nikki having to be issuing orders to the others around her._

 _"All you all right Nikki? He asked with concern, along with the fact that there some blood to be on her right leg seeping through the material of her pants._

 _She didn't realized that she was hurt, when she went to see, there was laceration below the knee, right away he called for someone to come over to help with giving medical attention._

It was at this point Castle stopped, placing the pad to the counter next to his bed. He then looks up to ask how his wife was doing.

"Kate, do me a favor, lock that door please, I want to hold my wife without anyone bothering us for a change." She chuckled at him, while moving slowly to lock the door.

She moves back over to her husband looking on with amusement, she turns down the lights inside the room, along with taking off her clothes to drop onto the floor, after that, she climbed next to him to get herself all settled to his body.

/

Roberta and Jerome were having a wonderful time at the dance hall only a few miles from there apartment complex, the place having been around a long time, tonight was a special oldies but goodies evening, the place was jumping, along with the both of them enjoying the music for a change.

Jerome having to just finished the last dance with her, wanted to take a breather from the fast pace of the music.

The waiter came over to see if they were interested in a desert after having dinner earlier and drinks, in her case it was ginger ale, while Jerome ordered a whiskey, while drinking it down quickly, to burn his stomach a little.

He was watching the other couples on the dance floor having a great time, it was the best decision the both of them had made, while getting away from the stress of the rehab center.

A few minutes later the male waiter came over with there desserts of two large cups of swirl ice cream, along with caramel and whip cream filled with a ton of calories to enjoy.

/

Rehab Center

Anna Belle having to be just coming on for her shift, checked in with the others at the nurses desk, when she looked at Richard Castle's chart, there was a note that said that Castle and his wife are not to be disturb for awhile. She laughed at the note, knowing full well what it meant in the first place.

Kate Beckett was very happy to had come today, along with seeing that he husband was feeling better. She had woken a few minutes earlier, to find that her husband had gone into the shower to clean up and change quickly into a clean hospital gown.

"Rick!, you are truly amazing, and you didn't wake me to come in to help you wash your back in the first place." She says before putting her hand underneath his gown to get a thrill once again.

"Kate, you keep this up, I won't be able to let you go home this time, and besides we both have a big day ahead of us tomorrow with the session."

She started to be playful for when it concerns Richard Castle. "Well, in that case, I will leave you to your writing for the rest of the evening, and besides I need to read tomorrow that Nikki Heat will be fine with her leg injury."

He smiled before she moved in closer to kiss him, before touching underneath, for one last time to have him squeal.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52th Shadows Of My Mind

She really didn't want to leave in the first place, she knew if she stayed, she would wind up getting into trouble with her husband, for when it comes to the sex department, Just how much trouble can she get into it, matter of fact she was already pregnant.

And if she doesn't take better care of herself, she is going to be going into the hospital herself.

When she kissed her husband good bye, she can see his puppy dog eyes of his wanting me to stay for awhile longer, she couldn't stay.

"Look Rick, I will be sure to make it up to you soon, but for now, I need to get some rest before, I fall flat on my face from exhaustion."

"I understand Kate, However I will be sure to see you in the morning before the session?" Moving towards her before she reaches the door to leave.

"I will be here, just make sure my darling husband to behave yourself." She moves to kiss him good night before breaking it off.

"And in the meantime Kate, I will finish more of the chapter with Nikki and Rook."

When he leaves, he makes sure the door is closed, he turns up the lights to start his writing once again getting comfortable in his chair.

 _Jamieson Rook picked up his wife Nikki to bring her over to the first aid section with a number of medical techs to help out in the emergency_.

When the one tech looked up to see that the police officer needed help, and by the look of things with her leg, she was going to be needing some type of stitches to close up the wound, and antibiotics to help the spread of infection.

 _Rook made sure that Captain Heat was going to be taken of right away, while he went off to help look for any type of clues with the bombing._

 _When the tech made sure that Nikki Heat was placed on a gurney and taken inside the tent to be checked out further by the doctors._

 _At the last count since the bombing, there were eight dead and at least fifty injured by the explosion, police, bomb squad, swat and several other agencies, including the F.B.I. were on the scene_.

Castle wasn't able to go any further with his writing, Anna Belle had come in finally to come in for her chart report, she had looked up at the monitor to check on his blood pressure, and heart rate, along with getting ready to take a tube of blood from his arm to be left later with the lab department.

"Everything fine Anna Belle?" He asked while placing the pad on the window cell to be read by his wife in the morning _._

"Your doing well Mr. Castle, lets just hope it stays that way for the rest of the night, I don't have any orders from the doctor to give you the sedation, just in case during the night there is a problem." She said while looking back up at the monitor before leaving to see her next patient down the hall Judith Smiths.

After she left him, he had to write one thing on the pad about Nikki Heat.

 _Nikki was glad to be feeling better after being given the pain medication ,after the stitches total 15 in all to have her wincing in pain thinking about it, that she could of been of one the dead on the ground. She was a lucky lady once again!_


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53th Shadows Of My Mind

It was the next day early morning, Richard Castle was up early having to be worried about the session in a little while. He had made sure to have his breakfast having been hungry most of the night, along with suffering no episodes for a change.

While he was waiting for everyone to come see him including Dr. Middleton, he decided to write a little bit more.

 _Nikki was having a hard time trying to walk even with a cane instead of crunches, but she was too proud of herself to let anyone know, that she was weak in a way after what happen with the explosion._

 _She had gone back to the precinct after having the stitches, to stay in her office reading the reports on what happened. Most of her team including Rook were still out in the field._

 _She really hated paperwork, but never the less it had to be done while she waited._

Kate Beckett and Jackson Hunt were arriving at the Center, having been able to park a few cars down from the main entrance.

When they walked inside, they found Doctor Middleton standing near the nurses station talking with Anna Belle going over the chart from last night on Richard Castle.

Jerome looked up from the chart to see Beckett and Hunt walking over to him.

"Mrs. Castle, good morning, your husband had a great night, there weren't any problems for when it came to any type of issues to speak of _."_

"When exactly is the session?" She asked with quiet concern.

He looked at his watch on his wrist. "One hour, I will need to speak with Jake first before anything, the session will ne held in my office, so I expect to see you then, now if you will excuse me."

"Of course!, he seems to be somewhat out of it this morning." She says.

Anna Belle says something to the fact was that he must of celebrated too much last night, with the word his wife is pregnant for the first time after trying for a long time.

"Wow!" Kate was able to say, she turned around to see Hunt looking towards his son's room. "Let's go before the session starts.

/

Later in his office, everyone was gathered for a short briefing. Castle was seated facing Dr. Middleton placing the chair towards him to begin in a few minutes.

"Now you must understand everyone, I will be placing Richard under again, only this time much deeper using a special truth serum I will be injecting the syringe into Castle's arm, it's going to be working quickly.

He walks over to him, pulling up his shirt, he rubbed for the correct spot of the vein with his fingers before finally finding it. He injects the serum into his vein. "You will feel a slight burning sensation, otherwise it will go away, how is it Mr. Castle?"

"It's better, I am starting to feel a little tire right now." He says.

"Now listen to my voice, close your eyes, concentrate on where your going to be in a moment, place yourself inside the prison again with Shonda, what is she doing?

"There is so much activity going on around us, I believe I heard shooting in the background, we are in Thailand, I am confused at times, Jenkins and his black ops team kept moving me around."

"Do you happen to know why Mr. Castle?"

"To keep the U.S. government from intercepting the group from doing it's real job of stopping the enemy Bin Laden."

"Why were you chosen in the first place?

"Because of my knowledge for when it comes to solving difficult puzzles, along with having been inactive from the C.I.A. all of these years, the authorities thought it was best to go with me instead of other sleepers."

During all this, Kate Beckett still could not believe it that her husband was actually an agent for the C.I.A., She said softly to Hunt, why didn't you know or tell me in the first place?"

"It's need to know for those only involved for when it comes to working with the C.I.A. in any shape or form." He tells her directly to her face.

"Richard tell me what is Shonda doing to you inside the prison, I know this is hard, please try to remember."

He was having a hard time trying to answer. "No!, don't touch me, I forbid you to listen to there orders, I can't aloud you to touch me sexually that way." He starts to have a hard time trying to breath.

Beckett was told to stay in her seat by Dr. Middleton, she had tears in her eyes.

"Richard, listen to me, we will change to another time, can we do this at least?

"Yes...

"All right, besides your father and Jenkins taking you out of your car going to your wedding, who was directly involved with the plan to have you become activated as a agent."

"Congressmen James O' Rourke and Daniel Pierce aka Loksat."

Now everyone in the room was really shocked, accept for Jackson Hunt.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54th Shadows Of The Mind

She was madder then hell after hearing the latest news about her husband and his involvement with the C.I.A., She walked out into the hallway to calm down for the most part, she looked towards the room on whether her husband would be coming out after Dr. Middleton talks with him.

Hunt came out with a smirk on his face to really make her more angrier. She walks up to slap him in the face. "How dare you tell me now, that you never knew any of this latest information that my husband had said earlier, and you knew right from the start? She needed to calm down, she was starting to have a hard time trying to breath.

"I knew parts of it Kate, but I was ordered to not say a word, in order to protect you and my son from those that are still out there wanting to kill you out right, as with Richard's involved with Jenkins and his team in Thailand."

"I still don't get it Hunt!, does this stem from the time my mother was murdered by Bracken's men?" She inquired before trying to catch her breath once again.

"Way before Kate for when Richard was a little boy, I was very heavily involved before I push myself out of the organization to be on the outside."

"Why now Hunt to have this blow up totally into Rick's face, when this is all supposed to be dealing with what Adam Lane did to him? She pleaded with him with wanting the truth.

"Because his mind is sending him signals having been brain wash so many times over the years, to really screw him up badly." He replied before moving away to let Jake and Dr. Middleton and Castle to walk out into the hallway.

Kate moved over to her husband to support him. "Rick, are you all right at least, I need to know your going to be fine?" She insisted with her question.

"I will be Kate, I just need to rest a little that serum the doctor gave me is making me really tired, Dr. Middleton said that you can stay with me tonight, if that's fine with you?" He looked over to see her reaction.

"I will be back later with clean clothes, Dr. Middleton, when will it be a good time to come?" She asked with concern.

"Around six o clock p.m. will be good, you will be able to have dinner together, it's movie night for the gang tonight, you will be able to spend it with them in the conference with your husband, I believe it's going to be the Batman series of movies, and I understand Mr. Castle is a big fan of Batman." He replied with a chuckle as with Kate Beckett.

"Kate, I need to go now, I will see you later, Dad, will you be coming?

"Not this time Richard, I have a flight to catch in the morning to head back to California for business." He lied, and everyone knew it including Kate Beckett.

Hunt gives his son a quick hug before leaving to wait in Beckett's vehicle. "Take care of yourself Son, I will call when I get the chance."

"By dad, don't be a stranger, I need to see you every once in awhile." Hunt breaks off the hug before leaving for outside.

Dr. Middleton tells them that he has other business to attend for now. "Castle, I will see you later for a check before I leave for the day, just make sure to have Anna Belle or the others come in to see how your doing."

"I will see to it Dr. Middleton, I will talk with you, Doc."

He walks off to head for his office and to call his wife Roberta to see how she was doing today.

"Rick let's head back to your room, I want to kiss you good bye for now." She drags him to the elevator to take them to his room. Once inside she stops the elevator for a few minutes to give him a passionate kiss, among other things to really get him started, but he could wait until tonight for the real action between them both to began.

He was flustered, along with Kate Beckett, having to get herself together once walking out of the elevator. She told him leaving at his door of the room, she was leaving before they both get into further trouble.

She walks away, he goes inside his room to get into his sleeping garment, along with getting his bed to finally fall asleep for the first time in awhile.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55th Shadows Of My Mind

On the edges of Castle's mind comes a devil that will forever will try to take it over, his shadows are still with him, no matter how hard he tries to get rid of them.

Even though Richard Castle was able to sleep without waking up, but when he did in the morning, he felt like a truck had hit him over the head.

Since it was morning, the morning nurse Anna Belle having to come on duty. She was at the nurses station signing in for her shift, otherwise she had grabbed Richard Castle's chart to see how everything had gone with him for the night.

There was a notation showing that his blood pressure was slightly elevated, when the readings were taken to show that something was going on with his body.

It was at this point she had asked anyone on whether or not Dr. Middleton was around at all. He wasn't until later.

She walked down having to made Castle her first patient of the day. The door was opened when she knocked. She heard him say come in.

Castle was sitting in his usual chair, but for some reason Anna Belle noticed that he didn't look all that well with the dark circles under his eyes. "Mr. Castle did you not at all last night for the dark circles under your eyes?" Asked with concern for her patient.

"Actually I did, matter of fact I slept all the way through for the most part, I just know why I feel so tired all of a sudden, along with a headache on the right side of the temple."

"I will have the one of the staff doctors come in to check on you very soon, Dr. Middleton won't be here until later, by the way what happened with your wife, wasn't she supposed to been here during the night?" She says.

"Change in plans, she called to say that she wasn't feeling good, something to do with being sick to the stomach or in this case Morning sickness to really upset her, she opted to stay home and try to sleep at least."

"Let me give you something for the headache, while I go get Doctor Richman, he's on staff right now, I will be back shortly."

"Of Course!, I will see if I can at least try to write a little." As Anna Belle looks on before leaving. He goes to pick up his pen and pad for the first time of the day.

 _Nikki Heat was pissed off at herself for having to aloud herself to get caught up with any of the cases like with the bomb victims or any others._

 _She had gone home to get off her legs, she decided that a nice hot bath would help, but she was told instead to just take a quick shower with the stitches having to be covered, she would have to be careful for when she gets in._

 _What she wanted for the most part was her husband Jamieson, since he was working, he had told her that he would be home within the next twenty minutes, maybe she should wait it out until he gets here._

 _She decided to sit down with the laptop in the bedroom to catch up on her front page news, sports and fan fiction stories by her favorite writers. She was in her glory, when she felt someone touch her shoulder without realizing on just where the time had went._

 _She looks up to see that it's her husband looking exhausted himself, however he bent down to give her a passionate kiss to help make her feel better. When the kiss was broken off, She asked him a question. "How did it go today my dear husband?"_

 _"I should be asking you that question Nikki." While touching very lightly her leg."_

 _"Just a slight pain, the doctors have me on pain medication right now, I just have to be careful for the next few days, but it won't stop me for doing other things Jamieson." She starts to roam around his body very gentle before finally getting to the right anatomy part that she loves the most, as she slowly starts to play with it in her hand to have it grow to her liking._

He had to stop after that, his headache was getting somewhat worst after he was writing that hot scene for his writers, along with walking to to check up on him along with handing him the aspirins that was requested by the nurse.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56th Shadows Of The Mind

Hunt had called his Black Ops friends in California, they were ready to catch a flight back to New York once again to meet up with there unit once again in Albany.

When he spoke with Joshua, he asked on whether the heat was off for now in regard to there pigeon having to be dead. When he was given the answer,he still had to fly out no matter what the situation was at the moment.

He had a friend that he needed to meet before leaving for another mission of his. Otherwise he was done here for now after visiting his son in the rehab center.

However he still had to check up on his daughter Shonda despite the adoption papers, he found it always be a real night mare in the first place.

Before he was going to leave New York, he would call Martha, to let her know the situation on just exactly he would be for the next few months.

/

Castle's headache was getting better finally after taking the aspirins that were given to him.

When Anna Belle came in later to see how he was doing, Castle asked on whether his wife would be coming later to stay with him.

"Mr. Castle from what I understand with the orders that was placed on your chart, your wife is aloud to stay tonight, Dr. Middleton called earlier to confirm it, even though he's at home at the moment, when he did call to speak with me."

"And what about the next session Anna Belle?" He required.

"Let's just say it's iffy at this point, Dr. Middleton hasn't decided on what to do in that aspect of the therapy session, when he comes in later, you can asked him that question Mr. Castle."

"I will!, but in the meantime, I will write until my wife gets here, can you call her to confirm that she will be coming after all." He begged for the most part.

"When I get to the nurses station when I leave here, I will call her."

/

Kate Beckett was still feeling tire, the baby each day inside of her was giving her fits, along with constantly upsetting her stomach, but today thank god, she has been lucky with the ginger ale helping, while she's able to have her breakfast, Alexis had left earlier to work with Dr. Parish today at the morgue, along with her one class, after that she is supposed to be meeting up with her boy friend William Anderson for dinner late, depending on when he was done with his work at the precinct.

Just when she was going to be washing her breakfast plates, the house phone rings. She moves over to the far end of the counter to pick it.

"Beckett, hello...

"Mrs. Castle this is Anna Belle at the rehab center, the reason I am calling, is to find out on whether or not you will be coming to the rehab today to stay with with your husband this evening?" She replied while someone was trying to talk with her about a patient. She told the young nurse to hold on a minute, until she was done with her call.

"Yes, Anna Belle I will be there in a few hours, I will be sure to bring extra clothes with me, by the way, how is my husband?"

"He had a great night for the most part, he didn't wake up one time, even though his blood pressure was up a little, because this morning he was complaining of a headache near his right temple, otherwise when I checked earlier, he was fine."

"Thank you Anna Belle, just let Dr. Middleton know that I will be there soon."

/

Jerome was having a hard time trying to get out of bed this morning, his wife was driving him crazy with her hormones, not that he was complaining, he loves it when she takes control of his body in every way, including his penis.

If she continues what she's doing, he's not going to be able to walk properly for when he gets to the rehab center, he had to stop her before it actually happens, and he does finally, along with feeling lost in some ways.

He takes her into her arms in bed, she is trying to control breathing along with his, and add into the factor that his heart has been going a hundred miles a hour, and he needed to calm down before having a heart attack.

"I love you, Roberta, but Jesus, you really know how to over do it at times." Kissing her on the cheek for support.

"I am sorry Jerome, I just can't help it some times, I tend to over do it for when it comes to you and out sex lives, I just love you too much to stop now, even though I am going to be having a baby."

"I understand, It's amazing just how it parallels with Richard Castle and his wife Kate Beckett, they were exactly like us in most ways, but in some ways different for when it comes to sex, money and fame mostly."

"By the way Jerome, you called the rehab center, how is Castle?" She asked while playing with his penis under neath the blankets.

He tries to concentrate on answering the question. "Anna Belle told me, he slept through the night, even if his blood pressure was up a little, it was way he suffered with a bad headache this morning, but he's better now."

"I am happy for him, Jerome, the man has suffered too much in the life, and after what Adam Lane did to him, only made it just worst." She says before going down under neath the covers to continued her business.

He didn't say a word, while letting her enjoying it, as with himself before having to get up soon for work, that's if he's able to walk correctly.


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57th Shadows Of My Mind

Dr. Jerome Middleton having gotten himself together finally, he was after all able to walk, even though being sore from his wife and her sexual hunger. Once he was able to jump into the shower, fill up on his favorite foods, he was set to go.

When he walked into the bedroom, to kiss his wife good bye, she was already sound asleep, but not that soundly for her to say "I love you" before falling off once again.

It was a nice after noon for a drive to the rehab center, he would be able to keep all of the windows open in the car until he gets to work taking a slow drive, since he wasn't in any any hurry to get there.

/

Castle after having lunch started to write again, while he waited for his wife to arrive soon. He was feeling better, since having that real bad head ache this morning. He decided to continue on with Nikki Heat once again.

 _Rook left early in the morning to begin work again on the bombing, he left his wife Nikki home in bed with a bum leg, with doctor orders to stay off it for a few days, in the meantime, Nikki had other captains and commanders from the night watches to take over in her place._

 _Even though he was happy to spend time with his wife, it was more important now to find the bomber before something else blows up with more people dying along with the buildings._

 _He asked his parter Lt. Emerson on whether or not he heard from his sources on the street for any type of information that might help the precinct._

 _Rook was about ready to lose his cool with nothing to go with, he needed to slow down, he decided to take a break with buying lunch for himself and Emerson. He brought hot dogs, pretzels and soda for himself and his partner._

 _He was listening to his police scanner, he heard a report about someone running away with a black bag, possible suspect, need back up just in case it might be a bomb inside._

 _They were just finishing there food, when Rook told him to lets get going, the position that was given, was only a few blocks away._

 _The both of them race over to the area, to find out what is going on. It was a few minutes later, when they heard an explosion inside a book store, it would seem that the suspect had ran inside to set the bomb off._

 _It was at this point when all hell broke loose. Rook and Emerson had gotten on there walkie talkies to call for a wide spread emergency, through out the entire area._

 _At home Nikki Heat having to be listening to the scanner in the bedroom, when she heard the emergency for help about the explosion, no way she was going to be staying home, she needed to be there to at least try to help._

 _She gets dress, making sure that her sweat pants are put on,to keep from hurting the leg further with the tight material from her normal working clothes. She looks around for her keys and other items including her badge and weapon, she checks inside the barrel to make sure the bullets are still there._

Castle looks back at his writing, when he looks up, he didn't realize that his wife was standing in the doorway. "Kate, I am sorry, I didn't realize, I was having just too much concentration with writing Nikki and Rook.

"Its all right Rick, your forgiven, anyway Can I see what you wrote for the most part?" She walks into the room, while closing the door, it was too early to lock it any way.

She took the pad from his hand, and starts to read, after a few moments. "Wow!, another explosion from the bomber, I wonder how many are going to be killed or injured?" She says with great interest.

"Don't know, I haven't gotten to that point with the writing, I will be sure to let you know Kate, when I do get to that point."

She moves into closer to him sitting into the chair, she decides to be brave and sit into his lap like always before he had gotten hurt before Adam Lane. She kisses him very gentle, before he takes the kiss into a deeper level of intimacy between the both of them.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter Fifty Eight Shadows Of The Mind

She walks into the room, placing her things on the other side of the door, before closing it. She moves to he husband sitting in the chair. He places the pad onto the window cell after she had taken a look at the chapter he wrote.

"Do you think Gina, going to love all of the new chapters your written for Killer Heat?" She looks at her husband lovingly.

He signs before answering. "I hope so Kate, I think it's my best work to date, Gina, sometimes can be really picky at times for when it comes, to certain items for the general public to read."

"I doubt it Rick, your public will love what ever you write, good or bad for when it comes to Nikki and Rook, and from what, I read with that chapter, it's exciting!

He turns to face her. "Thank you sweetie!, I just wish to god, I can get out of here soon to be with you all of the time and the baby." He moves to hold her into his embrace, while touching the area of the baby bump.

"Rick, I just need to let you know, I love you a great deal, it's been really hard these past weeks without you being at the loft, your own daughter has been scared, it's why she is afraid to come here to visit you, along with Martha, I have tried to convince them a few times, I am just truly sorry about it."

"It can't be helped Kate, I have just too many issues that needs to be solved, including the nightmare with my lost time and memories."

"And for which, it's not been explained entirely Rick, I need to know further, before this entire nightmare is over with." She asked with concern before breaking away to sit down on the chair.

"Look, you know most of it, but I can't for the like of me to remember the rest, and I think Dr. Middleton is going to keep trying to look for those answers." He softly spoke over to her.

"Rick, what ever happens, we need to stay together, and not let this Loksat thing tear us apart, we have too much history between the both of us to end it now." He said it with heart felt sentiment.

"I agree totally!" It was at that moment, there was a knock on the door. Beckett goes to open it to find the food trays waiting for them on a table, that needed to be pulled into the room. "Dinner time!, I don't know about you, I am starved." She jokingly laugh.

" I am as well!, bring in the table, and hand out the goodies Kate." He was a little boy looking for his Christmas presents.

After eating, there was a visitor knocking, this time Castle Got up to answer the door, it was Dr. Middleton, he was really late with coming to see him.

"Hello!, I am so sorry for coming sooner, I wound up having two emergencies with other clients trying to kill themselves."

"My god!, Doctor Middleton that is just awful." Kate replied to the news.

"What happened?" Castle asked in regard to his gentle soul.

"They were both new patients, brought in the past few days, and before the nurse it, she found them both cutting there wrists before it was too late, she called security quickly, it was kept quiet from everyone, since it took place on the sixth floor."

"I do hope Doc, everything will work out for the best with those two?" Castle replied with his concern.

"It will Castle, now how are you tonight, I understand your had a great night before and today with the reports from the staff, Anna Belle was impressed for the most part, that your doing so well the past few days?"

"What I need to know, is when I will be having the next session Doc?" He inquired.

"Don't you think it's up to you, with all of the information that was released by your mind, I have a feeling there is more to be told, what, I have no idea at the moment?" He says to be cautious for when it comes to his patient.

"I am willing to try again Doc, lets try in a few days, if possible, otherwise I seem to be feeling fine, other then having my headache this morning with my blood pressure up a little."

"I saw that in your chart earlier before I was called for the emergencies, well any rate everyone, I will leave you twp with your night, remember Mrs. Castle, if there is a problem just call for help, I will be finally be going home."

"Good night!" In unison. He leaves to close the door, while Kate locks the door, along with turning down the lights.


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59th Shadows Of My Mind

Alexis and Martha having been extremely over the affair with Richard Castle being placed into the Rehab Center, Alexis hasn't been able to come to terms with her father, having to still be sick after all this time from the hands of Adam Lane.

While Martha coming full force with her past and her daughter Shonda, and the fact that Jackson Hunt had gone to visit his son in the center to only bother him further, in regard to the details of Loksat and the details of Shonda's location.

She had hoped this information would of never been found out in the first place, along with having to be a dangerous situation with her life having to be in danger from those enemies wishing to see her dead, as with Hunt, Richard and Kate.

She's been worried sick the past few months, ever since her son started to remember most or all of his real memories back. She was just hoping that he would be able to handle it, after what happened with his mental health from Lane.

She was going to call Kate, bur since she was staying with her husband this evening, she would not be able to answer the phone in the first place, having to be worried about him a great deal to be affecting her health, along with carrying the baby she is carrying.

/

Kate was now in her glory to be spending the night with her husband in his room, she was hoping for the best that everything would be working out between them in every way.

She had asked Rick on whether or not he was interested in taking a shower together. While making very sure he was going to be all right with it. He agreed to her request.

She helped him with his top and sweat pants, even though at one time he was wearing a gown that hardly had covered anything including his romp.

After he was completely nude, her mouth was already watering, but she had to stay calm. Castle in return did the same with her with removing all of her clothing, including unsnapping her bra to have her swollen breasts fall out to be standing up perk in front of his vision.

He was able to noticed the baby bump having to be getting larger during the past few weeks. He places his hand very gentle to try to at lease feel for the baby. "Kate, my god, I can almost feel the baby moving inside of you, I just hope he or she is fine inside, with the father having to be on the outside struggling with his mind and body." As he sighed with not wanting to stop touching her, he needed to feel connected to her in every way, along with the baby inside growing.

Beckett looked into his eyes lovingly wanting to feel every inch of his body.

She takes his right hand to walk into the shower area, she made sure that the hot water was just right before going inside. After it was just right the both of them went into the shower to begin washing each others bodies.

Rick moved in to take his wife into his chest to feel her close to him, with her breasts against him, it was at this moment, he moves her into the wall of the shower to start exploding her body starting the back of her neck, shoulders slowly having her feel the sensations of his mouth and tongue working it's magic on her.

He had told her to close her eyes to sense his movements, heading on down to her nipples, using his lips to suck them very gentle to have her sigh for the most part.

After a moment or two, he knelt down with holding onto the side to taste her to really have her explode in desire, having to feel like she was on fire inside and out.

She didn't want it too end, but there was a reality, she decided to do the very same to her husband having to turn him around into the wall, taking the soap and cloth to start with his shoulders and arms. She had placed her leg up to feel him next to her opening, however she would wait for the right time with his approval.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60th Shadows Of My Mind

Castle was feeling good for the most part now, he's been getting better with his memories of Adam Lane and his missing time, however he has a feeling that there was more to it that meets the eye, and he's afraid to find out further, just what it might be.

It's bad enough he was able to uncover the past history of Loksat, and it's organization and what it means for everyone.

For Kate, it means justice for the death of her mother and her team in Washington, D.C. having been killed, all because he was partly responsible, and one thing he still is not able to cope, mostly with this revelation.

These past months has been very difficult for him, and hopefully with getting better that the doctors at the Ebony rehab center, will be able to let him finally go home on a part time basics.

Since his wife is with him in bed, sex tonight with her has been fantastic as always, she even had to asked permission to have him entered her at a hard thrust, to almost knock her breath out from under neath her, but she was able to recover to hold onto his hips for support.

After the both of them were done, the both of them decided it was finally time to sleep, it was not good for the baby growing inside.

So during the rest of the night, his mind was mostly clear from any shadows that would be on the edge to have him off balance from those memories.

Kate had woken a few times to be watching his facial expression while sleeping, he was mostly in his calm mode, while she places her body next to his to stay warm.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61st Shadows Of The Mind

When Beckett finally did wake, she was alert and very hungry, she was wondering when the food was going to be delivered, even though the nurses station knows that she is here with Richard Castle, while she waited, he slowly slipped out of the bed, but was stopped by her husband's hand.

She turns to face him. "What's wrong Rick?" She says with a soft whispered.

"I missed you, where were you going Kate?"

"Shower, would you like to join me, and get myself nice and warm before I leave to go home." She suggested to her husband having to be grinning.

"I do hope that you didn't unlock the door already?

"I wasn't going to open it until after the shower Rick, but if you want me, I will." She says with a sad tone.

"No don't, I want to make love to my wife one last time for today, until your able to come back."

He takes the blankets off him, to join his wife in the shower, since the door was close, she was able to take off her clothes in private, along with Castle's. She walks over to him to help take off his tee shirt and shorts.

She looked down at his penis, it was fully ready to her likely, she pulls him into the bedroom, while turning on the hot water, making sure it was the perfect temperature, before the both of them went inside.

/

Dr. Jerome Middleton arrived at the rehab center, having to walked into his office, without having to check with his secretary, while on a coffee break. He drops his briefcase and important papers onto his desk, to see who is going to be his first patient of the day, it was going to be Richard Castle.

He had decided to let Castle have a few more sessions, before he decides to either let him go home or not on a daily basics for six hours under under supervision, he would schedule the next therapy session for either tonight or early morning, depending on Jake and the other patients.

Jake would be in charge this time, since this is basically his day off, he came in to check on Castle and two others, the ones that were brought in a few days ago having both trying to kill themselves, he needed to check and see, on whether they were doing better for the most part.

After that he would go home to his wife Roberta, and continued on with there bedroom antics together, he was still not able to walk proper, without having to wince in pain.

He gets up slowly, to head for the nurses station to speak with Anna Belle and the others.

/

Inside the shower, Beckett was hollering from Rick's thrusts into her body really hard, they were well into there third round, she was about ready to drop with her legs getting weak from being pounced on hard, she looked at her husband to push herself further into him, before the orgasm took over for the both of them.

She was shaking for the most part, along with himself, he was done, that's for sure, and no doubt after breakfast, he will be fast asleep.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter Sixty Two Shadows Of The Mind

Once she opened the door after unlocking it, Dr. Middleton knocked. Castle woke at the moment, after just falling asleep. Beckett knew right there, she was in trouble.

She gets off the chair quickly to open the door to let Dr. Middleton to walk in with his notes in hand. "Hello everyone, I am here to check up on my favorite patient, even though I am here for yourself and two others before going home, how is everyone?"

"I feel fine Doc, I have two questions, when do I go home on a part time basics, and second, when is the next therapy session?" He asked with looking at his wife Kate for support on the issue.

"First off Castle, you will have your next session at eight o'clock tonight with Jake and the rest of the group, including Judith Smiths, she will be leaving in a few weeks, and depending on s session and three others, I will then decide for when you will be going home on a part time basics, does that answer your questions Rick?" He says quickly.

"Yes, It does Doc, and what about Kate, will she be able to attend tonight's session?" He asked with great concern.

"Not this time Rick, however she can stay as long, as she wishes, just make sure you keep the door lock, without anyone having to walk in on the both of you, I will issue orders with Anna Belle and the rest of the nursing staff to stay clear until your wife leaves, or when your food is delivered, now if you excuse me, I am needed else where, I will check in with you sometime tomorrow for Sunday, even though I will be here for a few hours only." He says good night to the both of them, before closing the door.

"Kate, are you willing to stay with me and my sexual antics, or your going to leave me in my misery, and wait it out, until the session starts this evening?" He says with his puppy dog loving eyes.

Kate Beckett knew what she wanted for the most part, she walked over to the door to lock it, she goes to turn down the lights in the room.

She tells her husband to get out of the bed, for where she will be dragging him into the shower, but she takes off her clothes once again, while she helped her husband as well, but before heading for the shower, she pushes him against the door entrance, to help him pull off his tee shirt and sweat pants, leaving him with his boxers.

She was extremely excited, through out her entire body, she pushes herself into his chest, to capture his lips onto hers very hard, to have him lose his breath for a moment.

She wanted him badly at this point. It would take a moment for him to get his bearings finally.

This section turns rated M...

She could not wait for his approval.

Kate Beckett has always loved her husband, even though in the very beginning having first met him, drove her just crazy with his antics before growing up finally.

She tells her to take off his boxers very slowly, while she can watch is every movement, along with his twitching Penis growing in size.

It's at this point, she pulls him along into the shower, having turned on the water, making sure it's not too hot to burn thier bodies, body parts and sexual desire.

During his entire life, even when he was with Meredith, Gina and all of the others for the one night stands, has he ever had a woman that wanted his body and soul badly.

He as well wanted her, but in a different way today, he mostly needed to feel that connection of being emotionally tied together, along with the obvious sexual desire.

His wife was reeking, he was melting in front of her, with his mouth on her opening ready for anything that is given to her.

How long was this action going to last, here inside the shower, his room, or when I am finally back home at the loft, even though on a limited basics? He asked himself, while he continues on with his actions, placing his fingers inside to have her wither for the most part.

After that everything was game, once he starts to chuckle to himself, watching her moan, for which she is not faking.

It was finally time to enter her with his penis, to thrust upward with her left leg being lifted, like she has done over the years.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63th Shadows Of My Mind

Is there ever a time, when enough is enough for when it comes to sex. That was the question on Kate Beckett's mind at the moment.

She was about ready to hollered her safe word at her husband Richard Castle, but did she really wanted to stop in the first place, since she was going to be here the next few hours before going home, while Rick has his session with Jake and the others.

She really didn't want to throw him out into the sharks alone for the most part.

And besides to her, it would seem that her husband was just about over with Adam Lane and his demons with him, and his own from the two months he was missing, along with Shonda, even if she was not his daughter in the first place.

Her husband was talking to her after a few minutes of resting in the bed, she "Was" going to ask for more of him, and suffer later with all of the pain, stiffness and being sore. "Why Not!, and besides she was still on leave from the 12th precinct for another two weeks, who is she to care at this point, what was happening at the precinct?

"Kate, are you fine?" He asked with a smile, along with him moving closer to her with a quick kiss.

Thank god the door was lock, every one at the nurses station must be having a ball watching the video feed on their computers.

"I am just dandy Rick, two more weeks of leave, before I head back to work, and besides, I am just happy that your been feeling so much better of late, those early weeks after what happened to you, was a scary thing to watch mostly." She says before cringing a little from the horrible memory.

Since they had a few more hours, she decided to make good use of it for the most part.

/

Dr. Jerome Middleton was having a head ache for some odd reason, then he remembered that, he had forgotten to have breakfast this morning, with his wife having to be sound asleep when he left for the rehab center.

But he would make up for it with a late lunch stopping at the local McDonalds, and gulping it down with diet coke, fries, cheese burger and ice cream, before going home.

It would be a good day to go for a walk with his wife and just sit on the bench and talk, but knowing his wife, she would want to drag him into the bed room.

He was able to take a nice slow ride home, with the traffic on the road very light today and the crazy temperatures in the fifties and sixties the last few days.

He was hoping for the best, for when he finally walked to his apartment door with his keys carrying the rest of his diet soda, before walking inside. When he did, it was very quiet, but when he got closer to the bedroom, he can hear the shower running.

Was he in the mood really?, yes he was, along with missing his wife a great deal, more then ever, now that she was going to be having a baby, with the both of them want a great.

Once inside the bedroom, he drops his briefcase onto the side of his bed side, along with the soda onto the table for where the light fixture was, as with the rest of his clothing to be totally nude now.

He goes to knock onto the door to let his wife know he was home, and is ready to take a shower with her.

She goes to open the door, to look up and down his body, including his very nice looking package.

"Please come in, the water is just perfect for the both of us?" She says with a wide grin, before moving in closer to kiss him very strongly.

/

At the rehab center

Jake was going over his paperwork before the start of the therapy session, it's going to be interesting never the less.


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64th Shadows Of My Mind

Kate Beckett was going for one last shot with her husband Richard Castle before leaving for home and the loft.

It would give her husband a few hours to rest before the therapy is going to begin later with Jake.

She was wondering what more information would come out of the session while under from the truth serum, and interaction.

Castle slips out of the bed to come from behind his wife, making sure that the door is still closed. He moves her against the door once again, like he's been doing during the time she has been visiting and sleeping over.

Her husband captured her lips with a rough kiss to catch her off guard, along with being out of breath.

He moves in closer to her body to place his strong hands onto her already perk, sore nipples, to have her cry and moan at the same time, he was pulling really hard on them to have her come really quick once again, to leave her shaking for the most part.

/

Jake needed to speak with Judith Smiths, since she was going to be a part of the session, between Castle, herself and Jake, while the other members will each have thier turn after wards with their therapy.

He walks out of the elevator, to head on down towards her room, for which the door is half open.

She is sitting in the chair writing a letter to some one that is none of his business.

When she looks up to see Jake, she has him to come in to sit on the chair next to her.

"How are you, Judith today?" He asked while looking around the room.

"Very well Jake, I was going to get ready for the session in a little while, how can I help you?"

"I need your help tonight in a very special session, between yourself, Castle and myself in my office, before we really start with the other members, I would like to have you interact with Castle while he is under." He says with a serious tone.

"What do you mean?" She asked having to be really curious.

"I want you to touch Richard Castle, when I tell you, while he's under the truth serum, like when I tell you to kiss him on the lips, his legs and even his groin, it has something to do with a secret woman in his past, and I want to bring out those memories, while your touching him, it will be between myself, yourself and Castle, unless he feels the guilt with having to say anything to his wife Kate Beckett."

"All right I will Jake, I just hope to god, it doesn't get too nasty, for when he does have those memories surface for the most part."

"Lets hope not Judith!, thank you for your cooperation, I will see you in a little while.

"I will be their Jake, I need to go to my room to change clothes." She gets up to leave for her room before the fire works begin.

/

Castle was finally done with his wife for today, she just could not believe how much energy a man like Castle could have for when it comes to sex, she was hurting throughout her entire body, she needed to rest, for when she gets home from the rehab center.

And with the session, she was hoping for the best, after all of the fights they had for when it comes to the subject of Loksat."


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter Sixty Five Shadows Of My Mind

It was almost time for Castle and Judith to arrive in Jake's office, he had made sure the syringe and truth serum was made ready for his patient.

Judith having to be wearing a low cut black sequin dress for the session, she had told Jake that she would do anything to help with the therapy, even though it could be some what demeaning to her character, Castle and the others in his life.

She was feeling sorry for the most part for his wife Kate Beckett, this Loksat thing has gotta be driving her crazy.

Judith could see Richard Castle having to be walked over by Anna Belle to Jake's office.

Jake had come out of his office to greet the both of them looking on. "Come on in you two, everything is all set for the evening, Mr. Castle, how are you feeling this evening?" He asked quickly before guiding the both of them in.

"Anxious for the most part Jake." He says before walking into his office.

"All right, I would like to have everyone relax, Richard please sit, while I prepare the syringe for your arm."

Castle was watching Judith with that dress of hers, she was a beautiful woman, that is for sure. Judith noticed the looked in his eyes, he wasn't over the Adam Lane nightmare at all, he was mostly controlling himself like most patients having been placed in the rehab centers.

"All right Richard, I am ready, you know the usual signs of a little bit of burning entering into her veins to take effect quickly, when your ready, we will begin."

A few moments later, he was very ready.

"Richard, do you hear me, where are you at the moment?" He asked with watching Judith.

"In California fighting with someone over why they had brought me here in the first place, it's some sort of an massage parlor, from what I can gathered."

"When you say Massage parlor, do you mean a place to pick up hookers?" He waived Judith to come over to him to kiss Castle on his lips.

"Yes, that was very nice Rose Marie." He's talking to some woman.

Judith says "Who is Rose Marie?" While she is told to kiss him again.

"She was at the prison to have sex with me, to try at seduce me into giving away vital secrets from the United States, you can't be alive, you were shot a few days later trying to help me get away with my father.

Jake tells Judith the hardest part to be Rose Marie, he tells her to pull out his penis to play with it as part of the role playing aspect of the therapy.

When she puts her hand inside his sweat pants to grab his bugle, he stops her. "No!, your not Kate, only her is aloud to touch me that way, it's why, I didn't have it happen as well at the prison."

"Richard this is Jake, who was it behind all of the games in trying to get you to talk with the vital secrets? While checking his pulse on his right wrist, it was beating fast.

"Loksat and his members of the organization, It was why I had my memories erased in the first place."

"In regard to Rose Marie, was she a part of Loksat?" He suggested.

"Yes, along with everyone else I had came in contact during the two months I had disappeared to protect Kate from them, she knows this now."

"Please relax for a few moments. He asked to speak with Judith. " You can go now, I know now what has been going on for the most part, I will have to inform Doctor Middleton of this information when I call him in the morning, Castle, I will bring you out now, I suggest you head into the other office, with the rest of the members."

After bringing him out from the truth serum, Jake walks Castle out into the outer office to meet with the others, even though he will only be asking them questions, instead of being directly involved.


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66th Shadows Of My Mind

Beckett was worried having to be stuck inside the Loft right now, this special session really had her worried for the most part.

"What more bad news can actually come out of this in the first placed?" She asked herself, what she really needed to do was head for the sauna, every inch of her body was hurting her from all that sex she had at the center with her husband.

She doesn't mind, but when a man that has hormones out of control, tends to over do it at times, and even when she had first met Richard Castle was just too much to bare with his sexual chemistry.

She was warned many times from over the years from all sources, including her own Captain Roy Montgomery for when Castle was first arrested from his stupid antics in Central Park.

Beckett turns on the sauna, making sure the water is just perfect for her body to take, she needed this very badly, let along for the baby as well inside her stomach.

Before getting inside, she pulls off all of her clothing, along with putting up her hair into a bun. And slipping in to relax with a glass of water and the latest novel "Driving Heat" to read.

/

Castle was some what worried after the latest session. He just didn't know why those memories were buried so deep in his mind, he was lucky for the fact, he knew exactly who Richard Castle was in the first place.

Let alone his own wife for the most part, and now she would have to be told about today's revelation, even though he has a feeling Jake and Judith might be told to not say a word to his wife anyway.

With Castle listening to the others, he was wondering why the two that had tried to kill themselves, were even here in the first place, one thing for sure, they were totally screwed up with their lives, it's amazing they were still together in one piece.

When Jake had asked the woman why she tried to kill herself, she really didn't have a good answer to give.

It was the same as well for the man sitting in his chair, with a blank stare to give Castle and the others the creeps, unlike when he was in that same situation with Adam Lane.

Some time later after the session had finished, Jake had asked just how he was feeling, once he knew that the session was over with for now.

"To tell you the truth, I feel drained, as if my mind has been picked apart from some unknown source."

"It's the truth serum, it does has the tendency to do that to some people from over the years, I suggest that you just don't pay attention to it for the most part, along with getting a good night's rest, I will call your wife Kate Beckett, and let her know about what was uncovered, even though in my judgement, this woman that was mention really wasn't a true active memory for when it comes to Loksat."

"Thank you." He was feeling relieved with the news that Jake wasn't going to be telling her the complete truth after all.


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67th Shadows Of My Mind

Judith couldn't believed it, she actually wanted to shoot Jake for actually thinking, she would act like hooker of all people, let alone to seduce Richard Castle, the novelist.

What in his right mind made him think that she could actually do something like that in the first place, after finally getting her life back into order with finding the right man with the car accident, making her think that she was being held responsible.

And when she does see Jake again, she was going to give a piece of her mind, hopefully it was going to be soon, but in this case, it would probably be sometime the next morning, but for now she needed to raid the kitchen, take a shower, watch some tv before hitting the sack, she was tired both emotionally and physically.

/

It was going to be the same for Jerome Middleton, his wife was being a total crazy woman for when it comes to her hormones.

She would not leave the man alone. But then again, he really wasn't forcing the issue in the first place.

And now he finally has the chance to rest, while his wife was sound asleep dead to the world.

What he needed was a shower, along with wondering what was going on with the therapy session with Jake and Castle, he would find out in the morning.

He walks into the shower to turn on the hot water, he had made damn sure the water wasn't all that hot with having very sensitive skin,

Once the water was ready to his taste, he takes off all of his clothes, to have the hot spray hit the back of his neck and back to feel really good.

He was a real mess, what he really needed was a vacation, and it's certainly has been a long time, since he's been on one. But now that Roberta is going to be having a baby, it won't be possible now, he wasn't going to be taking any chances with her life.

In the bedroom, Roberta having woken, she could hear the shower running, she could use a shower, but knowing her husband, he would want to be left alone to his privacy.

However she was in need to be with him in the first place, having not had the time, to do so early on with all of his involvement with his clients and paperwork at the rehab center.

Now it was her chance to do so...


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68th Shadows Of My Mind

After Castle was finished with the session, at this point, he wasn't able to sleep for the most part.

He needed to write an insert for his new novel THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.

 _It has come a time for me to finally realize that life doesn't last forever, this bogeyman that has been with me all these many years, now comes into the form of Adam Lane._

 _I would of never had thought with this man would come death and destruction. Mainly himself, myself and a few others that had come across his path, and the damage that was done to the human body._

 _When Lane had taken myself hostage, I would of never believed how I was able to be duped into being taken in the first place, and what was done to me._

 _Even now I am still trying to come to terms with having been raped by the man in the first place, along with the mental damage done to my brain._

 _Even though I am doing some what better having been place in the rehab center, I still have issues that needs to be dealt with, even my own wife knows this fact, for which is hiding for the fact, for which she is trying to understand in the first place._

 _The both of us have a great deal of scars that needs to be healed, mostly all of the lies from over the years._

 _If it wasn't for the fact I love my wife Kate a great deal, their wouldn't be any marriage at all that has to survive._

When Castle looked up at the time, he was starting to get tired finally. It was at this point, he sets down the pen and pad onto the table, before moving over to his bed and getting in under the covers to fall asleep right away.

Even though his inner shadows were starting to form once again.

 _Castle was running as fast as he can to get away from the bogeyman that was running after him from behind, no matter what he was trying to do, it wasn't possible to hide inside the stables having gotten away from the warehouse, and having been tied down and gag._

 _He tried to scream through the gag, but Lane continued to probe his body and mind. He would not let go of his penis, while his fingers were in his back._

 _It was getting very hard to breath, while he continued to squeeze really hard to cry out in pain, until he blacked out finally._

At this point, when Castle woke from the nightmare, but at least he knew where he was at the moment, despite his hands started to shake a little. He was going to try without the sedation tonight, but he knew better. He called for the over night nurse to come in to see him with the sleeping medication.

And when he does finally relax, his mind is just too active.

He was having all kinds of flashbacks for which he needed the time to write them all down on paper.


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69th Shadows Of My Mind

This is the next to the last chapter.

He had to start somewhere with his notes.

 _"Castle what is wrong with you, your not able to fire back your rifle?" Someone from the back of the jeep was telling him to fire at his enemy having to be catching up them in the first place._

 _He writes...Thailand_

 _He does remember being threatened in Montreal, Canada to make those disks to his family, including Kate. However it was later, when he told himself in another room to removed all of his memories to help protect himself and his wife later on in time._

 _Next came the prison in Russia for where his father was helping him out to escape, along with the others involved._

 _Why does he going back to that kiss by Rose Marie, even though he knows now, he had stopped her actions on his part, no way, no how!...He was sick to his stomach at the moment to even think, he could ever cheat._

 _And why did Judith asked that way earlier in the session with him? He had a great many questions that needed to be asked at the moment._

 _Maybe their was more to the story that meets the eye, and now he with his marriage being tested with the latest injury from Adam Lane, he needed to relax and try not to dwell on the fact, he would have a man like Adam Lane ever get to him in the first place._

 _But one thing for sure, he needs to leave this place, even though, he would be happy on a limited basics._

 _/_

It was the next morning when Doctor Jerome Middleton had come to work, with the start of his work week. This was going to be the day, he's going to finally release Richard Castle, in his judgement, his patient doesn't need to be help further, accept on occasions with Doctor Burke or himself.

Talking into the recorder. I will be sure to give my patient Richard Castle the once over medically and mentally, before I sign the papers to release him on a regular basics, unless something happens, he would need further treatment.

His issues with this young woman Shonda, his father Jackson Hunt, Kate Beckett and all of the others that are in his life right now, needs to be settled at home and now the rehab center.

Richard Castle is of sound mind and body, it took awhile for him to get to this point in time. If ever he needs me just to talk or to say hi, I would very much be interested in helping him out, along with even inviting him for dinner with my wife Roberta.

After I am done with this recording, I will be going to see Richard Castle to give him the wonderful news, along with a phone call to his wife Captain Kate Beckett.


	70. Chapter 70

Final Chapter Shadows Of My Mind

Doctor Middleton has never seen a man so happy in his entire life to be going home to his wife, family, and most of all the Loft.

"Your not lying to me Doctor, I can't believe this, I was thinking that I would be going home on a limited basics?" He says with a wide grin.

"Nope!, I will be processing the papers in a few days, this would be a good time to say your good byes to your friends your made here during your stay, including Judith Smiths."

"I will Doctor Middleton later on, I believe my wife is going to be here soon, she's is going to be really happy with the news."

"I know she will be, I called her earlier to have her come here today to give her the news, and the fact your basically healed accept for the occasional nightmare, every once in a while, you would need a tune up, otherwise Mr. Castle good luck." He goes to shake his hand before leaving, along with his wife having just arrived.

"What's going on Rick?" Looking on with curiosity.

/

Three days Later.

After saying his goodbyes to everyone including Judith Smiths, they each promised to stay in contact with each other.

Richard Castle was finally freed from his shadows and demons when he was inside the car for which Kate Beckett was driving to the loft.

"I do hope Kate, your not planned some sort of a party, I would not feel right after just being released today?"

"Not today Babe, just you, me and baby, and a occasional Alexis to keep us company." She says before entering into the garage of the Loft and his home.

Coming off the elevator and their floor. Kate holds his hand to say. " Are you ready to go in Rick?"

"Yes, I am ready finally after all this time." When he walked in by himself with Kate right behind him, he was waiting for the shoe to drop with a surprise party, but it didn't happened.

"Welcome home Babe." Before walking into his embrace and the comfort of her husband finally...

The end...


End file.
